Girlfriend letting go

Lament

Lament

Executive Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2010
Messages
7,335
Reaction score
1,386
Location
ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
Its difficult for me writing this and asking for advice since I know I’m going to get flamed….probably badly…but here goes :
Last year November I started dating a girl, we have been together ever since. She is extremely nice and I do love her. She has a good job, has her own place, I adore her family so everything is just perfect.
Now comes the problem, since we met she has probably picked up 40kg, I don’t even know how this is possible. Each time I see her its as if she is even bigger than last. When we met she was average weight, now she is just letting go and I don’t know what to do, I have given subtle hints to lose weight but she just brushes it off. I know if I tell her flat-out to lose weight or lose me it will break her heart as she is one of the firm believers in “love conquers all”.
As I said before, I do love her as she is really a wonderful person, but I find her gross and cant even touch her anymore. Before anyone tells me I’m an A-hole and shallow, if there was a button in my brain i could push to just accept her, believe me I would have pushed it a long time ago. Unfortunately me feeling this way is not a choice, same as some people don’t like avo’s….Its simply who I am.

So ja, I don’t know what to do….im thinking be honest and straight with her as it is a problem which is really pushing me away, but I know this is going to break her heart.

I might also add, im not a thin guy or anything, I wear a XL shirt. But im pretty much in perportian. And since we have met I believe I have actually lost weight.
 
but how do you pick up 40kg in 6 months, i know guys pick up weight when in a relationship but 40kg

damn

lament you are treating her too well
 
Lament said:
But im pretty much in perportian.
Click to expand...

9fd6654a57bb031553eb10abe30c656f.jpg
 
Why dont you try and join you both up to a gym?

Say its a fitness challenge kinda thing for the both of you and the whole wanna be healthy lifestyle thing... or you can do salsa dancing classes or quiet a few different acitvities that actually helps lose weight....

Thing is if you plain down tell her you're fat, you will create all sorts of issues, which may eventually lead to a split which isnt nice... be sensitive around it and work together... that way win win on both sides
 
Honestly man I don't judge you. The same way if a girl goes and becomes anorexic all bony and unhealthy that would put me off as much. I dont judge you for not finding her appealing any more.

She has a lot more to worry about than just you leaving her if she i gaining 2kgs a week? She should actually go see a doctor. At the rate she is gaining weight she is in serious risk of some major medical issues the like of diabetes and any number of heart, live or kidney issues! She needs help man!
 
Slamz said:
Why dont you try and join you both up to a gym?

Say its a fitness challenge kinda thing for the both of you and the whole wanna be healthy lifestyle thing... or you can do salsa dancing classes or quiet a few different acitvities that actually helps lose weight....

Thing is if you plain down tell her you're fat, you will create all sorts of issues, which may eventually lead to a split which isnt nice... be sensitive around it and work together... that way win win on both sides
Click to expand...

This was part of my subtle hints...We stay about 60km from each other, so doing this togheter is not really an option. But have on few occasions told her "we" should start following a more healthy lifestyle. She brushes it off.
 
Lament said:
This was part of my subtle hints...We stay about 60km from each other, so doing this togheter is not really an option. But have on few occasions told her "we" should start following a more healthy lifestyle. She brushes it off.
Click to expand...

tell her to save petrol and run to you everyday
 
Slamz said:
Why dont you try and join you both up to a gym?

Say its a fitness challenge kinda thing for the both of you and the whole wanna be healthy lifestyle thing... or you can do salsa dancing classes or quiet a few different acitvities that actually helps lose weight....

Thing is if you plain down tell her you're fat, you will create all sorts of issues, which may eventually lead to a split which isnt nice... be sensitive around it and work together... that way win win on both sides
Click to expand...
Why should he beat around the bush? He needs to be straight: "Listen, you're looking like a whale and I don't like whales. I want to know whenever you eat, so send me a whatsapp. I will respond with a Yay or Nay. You cheat, I cheat because I will know when your weight doesn't decrease."

Then lean in to kiss her.

Wait, its not friday yet!
 
Lament said:
This was part of my subtle hints...We stay about 60km from each other, so doing this togheter is not really an option. But have on few occasions told her "we" should start following a more healthy lifestyle. She brushes it off.
Click to expand...

Time to drop her like a ton of bricks.
 
Werfetter said:
Honestly man I don't judge you. The same way if a girl goes and becomes anorexic all bony and unhealthy that would put me off as much. I dont judge you for not finding her appealing any more.

She has a lot more to worry about than just you leaving her if she i gaining 2kgs a week? She should actually go see a doctor. At the rate she is gaining weight she is in serious risk of some major medical issues the like of diabetes and any number of heart, live or kidney issues! She needs help man!
Click to expand...

Thanks,
Ja i am concerend, but again..how do i tell her?, I cant just tell her wow, you are seriously picking up alot of weight, maybe you should go and see a doctor..., this is really such a messed up situation.

I cant say she has picked up exactly 40kg, this is an estimate. When we met i would have guesed she is +- 60kg, now i would guess she is +- 100kg (if not more)
 
Well if you are in a relationship, perhaps you should find out what is causing the weight gain? There might be some emotional problem behind it? Also, are you willing to work through it and support her trying to lose the weight again? If not, your relationship is quite superficial I think and you would probably do her a favour by breaking up with her.

I understand that you are no longer attracted to her physically, but I guess this is where that whole "relationships won't always be just rosy" type sayings come in. So this is then a rough patch in your relationship, it is up to you to decide if it is worth it for you to work through it.

I am leaning towards... if her physical appearance overrides all the other feelings you have/had for her, then it probably wasn't meant to last long in anyway.
 
I know of a few transformers.

Sometimes there is not much that can be done.
 
If you genuinely into one another and want to see this last... Be honest. Relationships seldom go uphill. Usually downhill. So of you cant be honest about how youre feeling now... what hope for the future?

Must add. Take whatever criticism comes your way from her on the chin. She will be hurting after you tell her.
 
Lament said:
Thanks,
Ja i am concerend, but again..how do i tell her?, I cant just tell her wow, you are seriously picking up alot of weight, maybe you should go and see a doctor..., this is really such a messed up situation.

I cant say she has picked up exactly 40kg, this is an estimate. When we met i would have guesed she is +- 60kg, now i would guess she is +- 100kg (if not more)
Click to expand...

Tough love is the only thing that is going to work. You have tried to be nice about it. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone with constant medical issues that could have been avoided? Issues that mean you have to miss out on a lot of things in life...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X