Girlfriend letting go

CamiKaze said:
Contraceptives?
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On a serious side, check this. Some contraceptives will cause insane weight gain in some women. Discuss the alternatives which may work for her with her doctor.

Then my advice is, if you can't drop hints like 'hey fatty, you better stop buying niknaks'... discuss it openly.
 
OP, a lot of people would judge you, but I don't.

And here is why - your external appearance reflects a lot about what you believe about yourself and how you live your life.

As soon as she got a boyfriend, your girlfriend did not need to care about her appearance and put on 40kg. You on the other hand, maintain your appearance partially to look good but also because it is a part of your lifestyle. It is part of who you are - I guess you like eating healthily and keeping active, and it shows. When you eat healthily or do something active, you aren't being fake, it is who you are.

Now I won't speculate as to why your girlfriend has put on so much weight. Perhaps she is going through a really tough time which not even you know about. Perhaps she wants to lose weight, but doesn't know how. Our modern society unfortunately feels excess weight to be a sign of laziness and gluttony, which I don't think is always the case. In a lot of cases, I think it is either that people are scared to make the change, or, just don't know how.

Anyway, on the basis of lifestyle incompatibility, I'd end it. Her external appearance is a sign that you don't have the same values and you don't enjoy the same things.
 
Lament said:
Its difficult for me writing this and asking for advice since I know I’m going to get flamed….probably badly…but here goes :
Last year November I started dating a girl, we have been together ever since. She is extremely nice and I do love her. She has a good job, has her own place, I adore her family so everything is just perfect.
Now comes the problem, since we met she has probably picked up 40kg, I don’t even know how this is possible. Each time I see her its as if she is even bigger than last. When we met she was average weight, now she is just letting go and I don’t know what to do, I have given subtle hints to lose weight but she just brushes it off. I know if I tell her flat-out to lose weight or lose me it will break her heart as she is one of the firm believers in “love conquers all”.
As I said before, I do love her as she is really a wonderful person, but I find her gross and cant even touch her anymore. Before anyone tells me I’m an A-hole and shallow, if there was a button in my brain i could push to just accept her, believe me I would have pushed it a long time ago. Unfortunately me feeling this way is not a choice, same as some people don’t like avo’s….Its simply who I am.

So ja, I don’t know what to do….im thinking be honest and straight with her as it is a problem which is really pushing me away, but I know this is going to break her heart.

I might also add, im not a thin guy or anything, I wear a XL shirt. But im pretty much in perportian. And since we have met I believe I have actually lost weight.
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You love the idea of her, you don't love her.

I can be with my wife even if she weighs 200kgs because I love her. She can never gross me out. That is the difference between love and desire. If you can't see yourself caring for her if she's dying and ****ting herself... just get out. You don't love her and it will just end badly
 
Pitbull said:
You love the idea of her, you don't love her.

I can be with my wife even if she weighs 200kgs because I love her. She can never gross me out. That is the difference between love and desire. If you can't see yourself caring for her if she's dying and ****ting herself... just get out. You don't love her and it will just end badly
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+1 you love your wife but you desire hot young guys at gym, how's that working out?
 
Pitbull said:
Post just one thing in a way it gets interpreted wrong and abzo never forgets, you BASTARD! :D
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There should be Murpheys Law for the internet. Post something that could be in any way misinterpreted and someone will come along take a screenshot of it and remind you of it every chance they get.
 
She's testing you. She wants to know if you love her enough to have the tough conversations with her. She must be pretty disappointed in you right now...
 
Weight gain that comes on that rapidly? Definitely a medical situation of some kind.

Has she perhaps started using anti-depressants or perhaps cortisone for some reason?

Both of those meds can cause sudden weight gain in line with what you describe.

Also: there is no way that someone doubles their weight without knowing it. I mean, she'd have to have replaced her entire wardrobe at this stage, she must feel like crap compared to how she felt when she was thinner... my point is that you need to have a frank discussion about her health and not about her appearance.

Feeling turned off by her appearance is a bit shallow but you like what you like. Breaking up with her because of a health problem instead of trying to help her become healthy again is way shallow and you should aspire to more than that as a human being, not just a boyfriend.
 
40kg? Tell me her secret! I've been struggling to put on 5kg for the past 3 months to get to my ideal weight! :D Hell I buy fking chocolates, have a stash of cookies on the counter at home always (Which I dive into almost every time I pass it), eat 2 pizza's every Friday evening, always have carbs in my meal (Often eat pasta, rice, potatoes, bread and pap) and take whey protein, sometimes have two helpings of lunch and I still can't fkin gain any weight at all and have no drive/appetite to eat more than I currently do :( Granted I'm working out daily too and don't want to stop :o

What would this pill thing do to a man? :D

On a serious note I'd consider getting out of the relationship asap if there's nothing that can be done to change the situation (i.e. Your unconditional love for her isn't there - nothing wrong with that it's just life). Nothing worse than dragging it on for a prolonged period only to find yourself 2 years down the line where you could have been today and recovering. Time flies bud.
 
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That is quite a significant increase of weight within a short time. I think you should be honest to her and let her know that you're concerned of her eminent 'biggest looser' weight. I'm a male and I've been weighing around 53kg for probably a decade now having been weighing less than this before and most people say that I'm malnourished, which I probably am since I'm a poor lad.
 
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