Girlfriend letting go

easy man, tell her YOU want to start eating healthier and YOU want to shake a couple a kg's, and you would love for her to support and join you in your quest.
 
Was in that situation before. My solution: I held back on having sex until she brought it up. Then I just said that she's gained weight and I find it difficult to get in the mood because the extra weight is not sexually appealing. She went onto a diet, cut sugar and joined the gym the next day. Been sweet since. Just be clear with her that you find fat unattractive. It works to keep the weight off. If she gains again then you know the relationship is going down.
 
Lament said:
Thanks,
Ja i am concerend, but again..how do i tell her?, I cant just tell her wow, you are seriously picking up alot of weight, maybe you should go and see a doctor..., this is really such a messed up situation.

I cant say she has picked up exactly 40kg, this is an estimate. When we met i would have guesed she is +- 60kg, now i would guess she is +- 100kg (if not more)
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you know it could also be a medical issue... some women develope PCOS, unbeknown to her, and this makes them pick up weight quiet fast... something to look into... treatment for that with a nice diet and excersize plan and she'll be back to "normal" again....
 
Bizkit87 said:
easy man, tell her YOU want to start eating healthier and YOU want to shake a couple a kg's, and you would love for her to support and join you in your quest.
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This guy understands women

/reps
 
Lament said:
if there was a button in my brain i could push to just accept her, believe me I would have pushed it a long time ago.
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Haven't read the whole thread, too many comments.

The above quote is something a lot of people think who are in a relationship. "I love her but....." There are no buts in a relationship. You either accept it or you don't. The rest is forcing it which will almost always end up in tears. IMHO.

Even if she wants to lose weight, if you give her an ultimatum, you'll surely lose her. Remember, all woman have baggage, those that don't have any are lying. She might be going through something that no one is noticing. Talk to her. Find out if she is okay, what she thinks of during the day. If there are obvious issues, work on them. The over eating might stop.

I wouldn't mention weight to her. You can start working out. If you don't look after your body then you can't possibly expect your girlfriend to. Start getting lean and she will follow suit.

This is something you'll need to work out quick as it will start eating at you to the point where you show your unhappiness. Then the age old question "Is everything okay?" Will come up and answering "Yeah, I'm fine" wont cut it.
 
The OP is not being shallow. 40kg is a significant amount of weight. Imagine that on a small frame. It is almost a whole person on its own. There is a difference between love and desire. It is possible to love someone and not desire them. It's very hard to keep that feeling of desire and passion in long term relationships. Adding 40kg of fat into the mix does not really help. 7 months is not long term at all, but I challenge you guys to tell me you would still be attracted to your GF/wife after such a massive weight gain. I see Pitbull as an exception.

To put it into perspective, 40kg of weight gain in 7 months (November to May) is putting on 190g of fat per day. That is an extra 2800kj per day. You won't believe it, but two packets of microwave popcorn is around that amount. It is possible. I would still recommend visiting a doctor though. Contraception, especially the injection types, have a tendency to cause some impressive weight gain. I would look at this as well.
 
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Bizkit87 said:
easy man, tell her YOU want to start eating healthier and YOU want to shake a couple a kg's, and you would love for her to support and join you in your quest.
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It won't work. Maybe for a few weeks. Weight loss is a commitment and is very difficult. Why do you think it's a multi-billion Dollar industry? It's hard to drop weight. It's like stopping smoking. Not going to happen unless the person really wants to change.
 
Emjay said:
The OP is not being shallow. 40kg is a significant amount of weight. It is almost a whole person on its own. There is a difference between love and desire. It is possible to love someone and not desire them. It's very hard to keep that feeling of desire and passion in long term relationships. Adding 40kg of fat into the mix does not really help. 7 months is not long term at all, but I challenge you guys to tell me you would still be attracted to your GF/wife after such a massive weight gain. I see Pitbull as an exception.

To put it into perspective, 40kg of weight gain in 7 months (November to May) is putting on 190g of fat per day. That is an extra 2800kj per day. You won't believe it, but two packets of microwave popcorn is around that amount. It is possible. I would still recommend visiting a doctor though. Contraception, especially the injection types, have a tendency to cause some impressive weight gain. I would look at this as well.
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God forbid his gf/wife should ever fall pregnant, need cortisone injections or other steroids. I have no issue with a woman keeping her self skinny and tone because she wants to. Forcing it... sorry no dice. He doesn't love her, he loves the idea of her being skinny. It's actually farking sad... No wonder we have all these weird hashtags trending about men... I'm actually pissed off for her sake and I'm not even a justice warrior :D
 
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Pitbull said:
God forbid his gf/wife should ever fall pregnant, need cortisone injections or other steroids. I have no issue with a woman keeping her self skinny and tone because she wants to. Forcing it... sorry no dice. He doesn't love her, he loves the idea of her being skinny. It's actually farking sad... No wonder we have all these weird hashtags trending about men... I'm actually pissed off for her sake and I'm not even a justice warrior :D
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You can say men are trash, but about when woman are the same? I gained a lot of weight a few years ago, my wife told me in no uncertain terms that I was getting fat and that I must work on it. Which I did, because I was actually getting fat. Nothing wrong with some honesty.

If that lacks in a relationship I believe it's doomed.
 
Cr419 said:
You can say men are trash, but about when woman are the same? I gained a lot of weight a few years ago, my wife told me in no uncertain terms that I was getting fat and that I must work on it. Which I did, because I was actually getting fat. Nothing wrong with some honesty.

If that lacks in a relationship I believe it's doomed.
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There's a distinct difference between concern and lust.
 
Yeah so she got fokken vet. She's not the same person you met.

I mean, a girl going from 60kg to 100kg? She's almost doubled in mass.
 
Can't believe it's anywhere close to 40kg's, that's a helluva mass to put on in 6 months without everyone around her worrying. Girls show it more than we do even picking up 10kg's. Anyway, if you're at the gross factor, be straight up with her and let her go because if you can be such a dlick now, she's in for a world of doucheness later on and will probably be way better off without you :crylaugh:
 
Emjay said:
It won't work. Maybe for a few weeks. Weight loss is a commitment and is very difficult. Why do you think it's a multi-billion Dollar industry? It's hard to drop weight. It's like stopping smoking. Not going to happen unless the person really wants to change.
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Not really man, and I've been through this [almost 120kg's at my worst].

i'm gonna say some stuff that you not gonna like:

1. NO DIET WILL EVER WORK
2. It's a lifestyle change, you have to take in less calories than you need
3. Food choices become important

You can also tell her that you are worried about they weight, and you want her to live a healthly live with you
 
Cr419 said:
You can say men are trash, but about when woman are the same? I gained a lot of weight a few years ago, my wife told me in no uncertain terms that I was getting fat and that I must work on it. Which I did, because I was actually getting fat. Nothing wrong with some honesty.

If that lacks in a relationship I believe it's doomed.
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+1 I was going to say just now, 2 things stood out for me in OP's post

1) He loves her. If he loved her, why would she be gross/too fat to him?
2) Honesty above all, if you feel like she needs to lose weight, raise it as a health concern and talk openly about it

Because you can't get over her weight, nor tell her what the problem is, I don't think you're really in love. You just want someone /thing to stick your penis into or keep you busy. Buy World of Warcraft or something instead of misleading this poor woman that you're in love and that the relationship may be going somewhere
 
Bizkit87 said:
Not really man, and I've been through this [almost 120kg's at my worst].

i'm gonna say some stuff that you not gonna like:

1. NO DIET WILL EVER WORK
2. It's a lifestyle change, you have to take in less calories than you need
3. Food choices become important

You can also tell her that you are worried about they weight, and you want her to live a healthly live with you
Click to expand...

It is hard because weight loss means restriction, and many people are not used to that. It's hard to start off, and to kick the bad habits at the start (like sugar). Many people also have a very poor understanding of nutrition, which makes it all the more daunting. A few weeks in and it does become easier. Success, with anything in life, requires commitment and constant good choices. The same applies for dropping a significant amount of weight and keeping it off. Because you didn't battle with it and found it easy does not mean others will experience it in the same manner.
 
Emjay said:
It is hard because weight loss means restriction, and many people are not used to that. It's hard to start off, and to kick the bad habits at the start (like sugar). Many people also have a very poor understanding of nutrition, which makes it all the more daunting. A few weeks in and it does become easier. Success, with anything in life, requires commitment and constant good choices. The same applies for dropping a significant amount of weight and keeping it off. Because you didn't battle with it and found it easy does not mean others will experience it in the same manner.
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I was struggling for years with this concept, we all want a 'lose-weight-now' solution, and that doesn't work. I was also ill informed about what foods i should eat and what not. It probably took me 10 years to finally lose, and keep it off. now i struggle with the family-visit-christmas-food-binge-weight
 
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