Girlfriend letting go

I don't think you're an a-hole for feeling that way. Your priorities are what they are and if her weight is that big ( :p ) an issue for you now already after only 6 months there's no way you are going to last 40+ years with her.

So confront her. Either she makes a plan, it works and you live happily ever after or it blows up in your face and leaves scars in the relationship so deep that no amount of Dr Phil can reconcile the two of you and you part ways (which, at this point, will be easy).
 
If it boils down to a break up. It will be much easier on both of you at this point of the relationship than it will be in a year or three.
 
werfie said:
Well if you are in a relationship, perhaps you should find out what is causing the weight gain? There might be some emotional problem behind it? Also, are you willing to work through it and support her trying to lose the weight again? If not, your relationship is quite superficial I think and you would probably do her a favour by breaking up with her.

I understand that you are no longer attracted to her physically, but I guess this is where that whole "relationships won't always be just rosy" type sayings come in. So this is then a rough patch in your relationship, it is up to you to decide if it is worth it for you to work through it.

I am leaning towards... if her physical appearance overrides all the other feelings you have/had for her, then it probably wasn't meant to last long in anyway.
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Well this has been coming a long time, and i have sticked this long have I not?, i even started an embarrasing thread to ask advice, so if I just wanted to leave her would I not have done this a while back already?

She does have a few emotional problems, but who doenst?, I know everything about her and there is nothing major going on in her life which should cause this.
 
Sometimes the cold truth is kinder than a warm lie.

Tell her straight that you are worried about her weight, and you want to join her to help her lose it. Start with something like a parkrun on saturday mornings for the lifestyle thing.

First step is the hardest one, and that is climbing onto the scale. Every morning before she eats anything, ask her to send you her weight. You can do the same.
 
Honesty and communication. Backbone of a relationship. Either it works out, or not. Happened to me this year. (NO, she didn't get fat, just on my nerves)
 
You have to raise it one way or another if you want her to either acknowledge and work to reduce her weight. Tell her straight you arent happy with her health, weight.. and I imagine shes not active.. are you active? You could suggest things that you two could do together. Are you open to changing your routing/habits? Eat well together, live well together and things will rectify.

Doing nothing now will end in tears for at least 1 party.
 
A bit shallow, but understandable. Good luck, must be a horrible subject to have with your GF.
 
Maybe she thought that she would give you more to love about her.
 
Lament said:
Thanks,
Ja i am concerend, but again..how do i tell her?, I cant just tell her wow, you are seriously picking up alot of weight, maybe you should go and see a doctor..., this is really such a messed up situation.

I cant say she has picked up exactly 40kg, this is an estimate. When we met i would have guesed she is +- 60kg, now i would guess she is +- 100kg (if not more)
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Werfetter said:
Tough love is the only thing that is going to work. You have tried to be nice about it. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone with constant medical issues that could have been avoided? Issues that mean you have to miss out on a lot of things in life...
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konfab said:
Sometimes the cold truth is kinder than a warm lie.

Tell her straight that you are worried about her weight, and you want to join her to help her lose it. Start with something like a parkrun on saturday mornings for the lifestyle thing.

First step is the hardest one, and that is climbing onto the scale. Every morning before she eats anything, ask her to send you her weight. You can do the same.
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What they said, honesty might be the best policy. If you can't be honest about this then it won't work out anyway.
 
Cr419 said:
What they said, honesty might be the best policy. If you can't be honest about this then it won't work out anyway.
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Thanks everyone.
Ja you guys are right. Just needed to hear it and make sure im not completely unreasonable here. This is going to be an unpleasant converstaion.
 
Either way, something's gotta change - either her weight, or your view about it - and as soon as possible. The longer it drags out, the more disappointment and resentment there will be later.

If you choose the first option, you need to be honest, unfortunately.
 
hmm rapid weight gain, around 6 months or so. There is something that can definitely cause that.
 
Lament said:
This was part of my subtle hints...We stay about 60km from each other, so doing this togheter is not really an option. But have on few occasions told her "we" should start following a more healthy lifestyle. She brushes it off.
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Make her walk home.

I have a thing against obese people. I won't date one - I make that clear in the beginning. I don't care what the PC crowd thinks. (I also won't date a smoker).

Not that I can do that now - since I'm married - if my wife found out she'd kill me.
 
HunterNW said:
A 40 kg baby ??? :crylaugh:
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Nah the baby normally is anywhere from 2 to 5 (at most) it's the water, the "eating for two" the lack of exercise etc, my wife did the same jump from about 60 to 100, she's slowly getting back to her original weight but it did take a lot of suggestions. Now she's telling me to lose my weight, my argument is I was always this big.
 
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