How long is it acceptable to let someone...

Batista said:
Mom in law.

Sorry man.

Its been a full year of this already.
Click to expand...

ok, so here goes....

how does your wife feel about this?
have you discussed it?
From what you posted I assume: she sleeps in a bedroom but her furniture is stored in your bar/entertainment room....

being an estate agent can be well paid or worst paid market depending.
my suggestion:

discuss with your wife
come up with what suites the 2 of you.
in this case, although she is the parent you 2 are the care givers.
I suggest selling what of her furniture cannot be kept due to space constraints. keep lounge suit for example, but sell her dinning table/chairs, though nice to have they are not essential. Meaning try leave her the basics to start with.
of the money made she can keep half, pay you half. But then you invest that in a 30day account (don't tell her). When she one day moves she will need deposit money etc.. give it to her then.
If she is more of a retiring age then she can help keep the house tidy and look after the grankids(if there are any).

whatever you do:
discuss with the wife, and decide as a team....
Inform MIL together about how/what/and why.
She is afterall the wife's mother.
but remember love and kindness when you choose your words with both the wife and the MIL.
 
Odd - some weird double posting of mine.

This ^

If your wife doesnt have any issues with it then you have a big problem.
I would at least expect her to contribute to the monthly payments.
 
Venomous said:
nope.

family like siblings or parents I would let them know they must contribute even if only by doing house work etc.. and they must show incentive to look for work (different if retired parents). I will assist on job searches

friends: better help in home, pay for their share of food, elec, water etc (bond or rent being paid with or without them there, so no diffence if they don't pay rent then, just "living expenses"). They must show/report on job hunting so I can see effort applied. Max 3 months then out.
can be extended max 2 months if say looking for accom if job is found right at the end of 3rd month.
Click to expand...

Kinda my thoughts exactly. No one can squat for free. :|
 
Batista said:
Im just feeling really close to the edge and fear that im going to say something that cant be unsaid.Every month I hear the same story about how difficult it is to find a suitable house.
Click to expand...

then the old lady is :

lonely
has a need to control others, so moved in there
likes spending her money
lies about how much she makes
all of the above and then some.

discuss with your wife and act as a unit
if she stays all the excess funiture goes, she contributes towards expenses and in home.
If she goes help her find a place.
 
It's best not to let them in in the first place, I find.
 
You have a gun...with 2 bullets left in...
Mom in-law approaches from the right...
African male lion approaches from the left...

Wtf do you do?

You shoot your mother in-law TWICE
 
Electric said:
Ok so it's not an issue of finance, it's more about not finding a suitable house?
She's stringing you along.
Your wife is allowing it which is the first problem.
If she's ok with it you're going to have a major fight on your hands.
Click to expand...

I think its a combo of both, finance and suitability.
I know my wife is allowing it, and i have been very lenient and have basically put my personal life on hold as well as all the renovations.
I pay the bond all on my own.
 
Batista said:
I think its a combo of both, finance and suitability.
I know my wife is allowing it, and i have been very lenient and have basically put my personal life on hold as well as all the renovations.
I pay the bond all on my own.
Click to expand...

/klaps

partner communication!
 
Eish

I'd have lost my mind if this was happening to me.
My father-in-law is a f-ing retard for the most part.
If I have to get another call from him telling me his laptop has been hacked I'll freak.
 
Venomous said:
ok, so here goes....

how does your wife feel about this?
have you discussed it?
From what you posted I assume: she sleeps in a bedroom but her furniture is stored in your bar/entertainment room....

being an estate agent can be well paid or worst paid market depending.
my suggestion:

discuss with your wife
come up with what suites the 2 of you.
in this case, although she is the parent you 2 are the care givers.
I suggest selling what of her furniture cannot be kept due to space constraints. keep lounge suit for example, but sell her dinning table/chairs, though nice to have they are not essential. Meaning try leave her the basics to start with.
of the money made she can keep half, pay you half. But then you invest that in a 30day account (don't tell her). When she one day moves she will need deposit money etc.. give it to her then.
If she is more of a retiring age then she can help keep the house tidy and look after the grankids(if there are any).

whatever you do:
discuss with the wife, and decide as a team....
Inform MIL together about how/what/and why.
She is afterall the wife's mother.
but remember love and kindness when you choose your words with both the wife and the MIL.
Click to expand...

Thanks Venomous, some very valid points there.
 
Batista said:
I think its a combo of both, finance and suitability.
I know my wife is allowing it, and i have been very lenient and have basically put my personal life on hold as well as all the renovations.
I pay the bond all on my own.
Click to expand...

And that's the kink. You are going to have to approach this very carefully else you won't be allowed to forget it. Ever.

I suggest sending out some feelers first. Check out the lay of the land.
 
Replay said:
You have a gun...with 2 bullets left in...
Mom in-law approaches from the right...
new born kittens approaches from the left...

Wtf do you do?

You shoot your mother in-law TWICE

then kill the kittens
Click to expand...

FIFY
 
Electric said:
Eish

I'd have lost my mind if this was happening to me.
My father-in-law is a f-ing retard for the most part.
If I have to get another call from him telling me his laptop has been hacked I'll freak.
Click to expand...

Thats the thing, im a very laid back and chilled out guy and it really takes alot for me to loose me mind, but i feel the tension building up,and i need to open my mouth before i do or say something out of character.
 
ShaunSA said:
And that's the kink. You are going to have to approach this very carefully else you won't be allowed to forget it. Ever.

I suggest sending out some feelers first. Check out the lay of the land.
Click to expand...

Have been sending out feelers every 2-3 months for the past year...
 
OP you are screwed if your wife doesn't share your feelings about the over this. Talk to your wife about how you feel. I also suggest that you get your MIL to rent some stoarge space and then help her move stuff out of your house that she doesn't require. Then you get your bar back and can start having friends over again.
 
Trying to explain to your wife that her mom's **** is getting in the way of your bar is going to be tough.
 
very tricky situation OP. the person who swings this is your wife then. is she tired of her mom being there? if not its going to be an uphill struggle. but u need to tell her to gtfo.
 
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