I'm Freaking out :(

True Fanix, however there is a difference between having full access to his phone and going all psycho on him with Keyloggers and so forth :D

A relationship needs some form of trust.

My wife has full access to my phone, e-mail and what not. I don;t mind cos I'm not hiding anything. She trusts me enough not to go check it even if she has the access to it. This in turn makes me trust and respect her also.

Respect and trust is the most inportant thing for a relationship. You are already breaking down the trust part with the way you are handleing this relationship and your man ;)
 
What do you recommend I do? Should I just stand back and be a loser, leaving him to trash and cheat on me? I am someone who always stands up for myself, who don't allow other people to stamp on me... But i've come to think that maybe I should stop trying to control everything, and let things be... Clearly this doesn't help me or our relationship in any way... I've come to see that...
 
tau1z said:
So because you have been through a boat load of woman makes u an expert on relationships? By definition that would make prostitutes excellent relationship therapists. I posted my opinion based on what was said? perhaps it should be taken with a bit of thought, becuase on my experience, it seems that once trust is gone, and u over step that boundry, it tends to lead to a destructive relationship. I am sure that is not always the case...but i reckon its heavily weighed in that direction.
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I'm an expert in relationships because I've gone through almost every possible type of problem that a relationship can go though and I think I know how to deal with many many many problems now.

Here are a few:
• I've been with a married woman.
• I've been with a girl who was "gay" but scared to admit it (she's openly gay now - thanks gdiza!)
• I've cheated
• I've been cheated on
• I've been with a 'abused' girlfriend and her issues that come with that
• I've been with a girlfriend who is mentally unstable
• I've been with a girl whose parents hated me
• I've been in a relationship where me not having a car was the result we broke up
• I've got a temper and had to deal with that.
• I've had a drinking problem (apparently) and had to deal with that

Man... I can sit here all freaking day!

Point is... after all I've been though... I know stuff :)

I'm still going through stuff, but when someone asks for help and I have experience, I'm bound to say something, the difference is, I know what I"m talking about "most of the time"
 
gdiza said:
I'm an expert in relationships because I've gone through almost every possible type of problem that a relationship can go though and I think I know how to deal with many many many problems now.

Here are a few:
• I've been with a married woman.
• I've been with a girl who was "gay" but scared to admit it (she's openly gay now - thanks gdiza!)
• I've cheated
• I've been cheated on
• I've been with a 'abused' girlfriend and her issues that come with that
• I've been with a girlfriend who is mentally unstable
• I've been with a girl whose parents hated me
• I've been in a relationship where me not having a car was the result we broke up
• I've got a temper and had to deal with that.
• I've had a drinking problem (apparently) and had to deal with that
• I've been in a gay relationship :)

Man... I can sit here all freaking day!

Point is... after all I've been though... I know stuff :)

I'm still going through stuff, but when someone asks for help and I have experience, I'm bound to say something, the difference is, I know what I"m talking about "most of the time"
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lol...
 
FaNIX said:
What do you recommend I do? Should I just stand back and be a loser, leaving him to trash and cheat on me? I am someone who always stands up for myself, who don't allow other people to stamp on me... But i've come to think that maybe I should stop trying to control everything, and let things be... Clearly this doesn't help me or our relationship in any way... I've come to see that...
Click to expand...

No never.

But you need to have some degree of trust in the man. I promise you, once he knows you trust him fully he will not cheat on you no matter what. My wife truts me 100% Damn I can tell her now that I want to go to Dullstroom for the weekend alone and go do some Flyfishing. She'll say it's cool. Even if I take a Chick to Suncity for that weekend. She will never even know. Based on this trust I can never cheat on her. I will die from guilt if this happens.

And I trust her 100% also. Sometimes I will get a little paranoid if she does something that is not what she usually does but I do trust her and her judgement. And she has never cheated on me and that I know for a fact. Even if it's only me telling myslef that I do believe it whole heartedly.
 
FaNIX said:
I see a relationship as an investment... If you put everything you have, everything you own into something, then you want to protect that... I did what I had to do in order to see if I was investing into something that wasn't going to work. He knows all about this, and seriously, people who have a problem with their partners going through their phones, or looking at their email, means that they have something to hide! A relationship should be open in every way, I was at a point where I couldn't take his word for things, I couldn't handle the fact of being lied to and taken for a ride. And guess what, If it wasn't for that, we wouldn't have been together today. He would have cheated and ****ed me around and I would have left him... By forecasting what was going to happened I managed to prevent it, and it saved our relationship... Don't you DARE try and judge me without knowing all the facts... You might have your own opinion of this, and you might have dumped me if that was you, but I guess what, if it was me, I wouldn't have dated you!

I'm positive that a lot of people can relate to me on this thread... We as people are so scared of being alone, and in most cases people break up because of their dignity after a partner cheated, but somethings it just happens, and sometimes it's not worth breaking up, because It would have been several factors that lead your partner into doing this. Being gay makes it harder, most gay men don't respect other's relationships, and that makes it so much harder... I guess it comes down to weighting the ups and downs, and deciding if it's worth pursuing the relationship...in my case it was!
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Fair enough, it is an investment, and nothing sucks more than putting so much time and effort into something and nto knowing if you are backing something thats gonna fall apart underneath you. But you also cant go forcing something if its not right? I am nto judging you, i am merely pointing out that if you have to monitor everything that your b/f is doing, its going to be alot of work. If it worked out for you, then i am exceptionalyl glad. I am an optimist, and its great to see things working out for ppl. But i believe u might get exhausted trying to constantly monitor your b/f, instead of learning to trust him. I have been on both sides of this, where i was reading an ex's messages etc, and having mine read. It hurt having mine read, and knowing that i was not trusted, and actually pushed me further away. I now try not to do these things, and i might get blind sided, but i am trying to believe that the person i am planning to marry, trusts me as much as i do them.

Like i said, i am glad it worked out for you, and i hope both of you can get things together, cause it does seem like there is alot of care. Last note though, usually if u believe something is wrong...it usually is.
 
FaNIX said:
Um... Ask Pitbull, my arms are bigger than your ego, one klap from me and you'll stutter for eternity! So don't go all stereotype on me, I'm more butch that most of the guys one this forum...
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Groot man, klein hartjie. :)

Dude, sometimes we find things that aren't really there if we look for them hard enough. Just something to think about...
 
gdiza said:
I'm an expert in relationships because I've gone through almost every possible type of problem that a relationship can go though and I think I know how to deal with many many many problems now.

Here are a few:
• I've been with a married woman.
• I've been with a girl who was "gay" but scared to admit it (she's openly gay now - thanks gdiza!)
• I've cheated
• I've been cheated on
• I've been with a 'abused' girlfriend and her issues that come with that
• I've been with a girlfriend who is mentally unstable
• I've been with a girl whose parents hated me
• I've been in a relationship where me not having a car was the result we broke up
• I've got a temper and had to deal with that.
• I've had a drinking problem (apparently) and had to deal with that

Man... I can sit here all freaking day!

Point is... after all I've been though... I know stuff :)

I'm still going through stuff, but when someone asks for help and I have experience, I'm bound to say something, the difference is, I know what I"m talking about "most of the time"
Click to expand...

I busted up my one girlfriend's father so bad he was in Hospital for 3 days. That didn't go down very well. And our relationship just went south from there. It's kinda hard for a woman who loves her father even if she hated the way he treated me and thought the world of the man. But after that day he was all sissy with me and she hated it and our relationship ended rather bad :(
 
Pitbull said:
No never.

But you need to have some degree of trust in the man. I promise you, once he knows you trust him fully he will not cheat on you no matter what. My wife truts me 100% Damn I can tell her now that I want to go to Dullstroom for the weekend alone and go do some Flyfishing. She'll say it's cool. Even if I take a Chick to Suncity for that weekend. She will never even know. Based on this trust I can never cheat on her. I will die from guilt if this happens.

And I trust her 100% also. Sometimes I will get a little paranoid if she does something that is not what she usually does but I do trust her and her judgement. And she has never cheated on me and that I know for a fact. Even if it's only me telling myslef that I do believe it whole heartedly.
Click to expand...

agreed
 
Pitbull said:
No never.

But you need to have some degree of trust in the man. I promise you, once he knows you trust him fully he will not cheat on you no matter what. My wife truts me 100% Damn I can tell her now that I want to go to Dullstroom for the weekend alone and go do some Flyfishing. She'll say it's cool. Even if I take a Chick to Suncity for that weekend. She will never even know. Based on this trust I can never cheat on her. I will die from guilt if this happens.

And I trust her 100% also. Sometimes I will get a little paranoid if she does something that is not what she usually does but I do trust her and her judgement. And she has never cheated on me and that I know for a fact. Even if it's only me telling myslef that I do believe it whole heartedly.
Click to expand...

Wise words old man :) *duck*
 
gdiza said:
Point is... after all I've been though... I know stuff :)

I'm still going through stuff, but when someone asks for help and I have experience, I'm bound to say something, the difference is, I know what I"m talking about "most of the time"
Click to expand...

Fair enough, and you definitely have experienced alot more than i have. And u probably have alot of good advice on where u went wrong, but it does not seem like you have got it right yet? (i may be wrong, if so apology).

but to say i have no clue what i am talknig about is mroe than unfair.
I have had a few experiences and had them go horribly wrong, but i do believe i now have a relationship where i am ready for marriage, Which i think also holds some merit for advice?

Anyways, it seems that we all do things our own way, and for me it would not have worked out? But for some of u guys u believe the course of action was justified. Different strokes....
 
tau1z said:
Fair enough, and you definitely have experienced alot more than i have. And u probably have alot of good advice on where u went wrong, but it does not seem like you have got it right yet? (i may be wrong, if so apology).

but to say i have no clue what i am talknig about is mroe than unfair.
I have had a few experiences and had them go horribly wrong, but i do believe i now have a relationship where i am ready for marriage, Which i think also holds some merit for advice?

Anyways, it seems that we all do things our own way, and for me it would not have worked out? But for some of u guys u believe the course of action was justified. Different strokes....
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You don't know gdiza

He has a GF every second week which is the love of his life and then something happens :D I will take his advice with nothing less than 5x 50kg bags of salt :D
 
No, I agree with you tau1z, I have not got it right, but I'm sure as hell making sure that I get this relationship right so I use all my past experience to avoid any problems.
 
Pitbull said:
You don't know gdiza

He has a GF every second week which is the love of his life and then something happens :D I will take his advice with nothing less than 5x 50kg bags of salt :D
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HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time is different, I'm different.
I've been with her now for close on 3 and a half months, with a 2 and a half month gap while she was in Germany (and shes going back in 3 weeks) and I plan to be as faithful as ever... and I'll be waiting for her till she gets back in October 09!

Bite me biatch! :)
 
gdiza said:
HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This time is different, I'm different.
I've been with her now for close on 3 and a half months, with a 2 and a half month gap while she was in Germany (and shes going back in 3 weeks) and I plan to be as faithful as ever... and I'll be waiting for her till she gets back in October 09!

Bite me biatch! :)
Click to expand...

That is the only reason you've been going out for 3 months :D

No I'm joking and honestly hope for the best for you and the unlucky girl :o
 
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