Is DIVORCE really that bad when...

Why did you get married in the first place? Why did you decide to have kids together?

Obviously there was a time that what both of you did worked, what changed? But on the other hand, if both will be happier being divorced then please do it. Just know that the children will be the ones suffering the most and you will create more issues to deal with for the rest of your lives if you get divorced. When the kids see you fighting it hurts them as well, so you have serious decisions to make very soon...
 
Tamagotchi said:
Any other input, or has this become too touchy and you don't wanna tell me I'm a wuss?
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I think the lack of input is because not many of us have it as bad as you have it and I admit, you're a much better man than I am for at the very least trying to make this work!

Oh and at least you have the balls to use your own account and not a clone to post a sensitive issue as this is :)
 
Obviously we loved each other, went out for 10 years before marriage. We had kids becuase of this. Didn't impregnate her three times by mistake. It still is what I said ... I love her. The emotional and physical. Abuse just too much. Egos are now getting in the way as well. She's got a helluva big ego and will never say sorry.
 
YingYang said:
I think the lack of input is because not many of us have it as bad as you have it and I admit, you're a much better man than I am for at the very least trying to make this work!

Oh and at least you have the balls to use your own account and not a clone to post a sensitive issue as this is :)
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Thanks.
 
Tamagotchi said:
Obviously we loved each other, went out for 10 years before marriage. We had kids becuase of this. Didn't impregnate her three times by mistake. It still is what I said ... I love her. The emotional and physical. Abuse just too much. Egos are now getting in the way as well. She's got a helluva big ego and will never say sorry.
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You and only you know whether it will work. Tell her what you're telling us here!
 
YingYang said:
You and only you know whether it will work. Tell her what you're telling us here!
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I know what you're saying but then I'm exposing myself again for another trammpling on. And shell prob continue the abuse and continue with her habits. I think I'll wait till friday and see if she has the guts to acknowledge the gravity of this. If not, I'll prob have to go ahead with D.
 
At the end of the day some people just simply outgrow one another.

When this occurs no amount of counselling will repair anything.

If you are mature enough to recognise this then parting need not be an issue.

WRT children, if they are old enough to understand then sit down with them and explain this to them.
Children only develop issues with or from divorce because parents have this habit of excluding them from divorce discussions with comments like "this is grown up talk" or "you are just child" etc etc.
Children are not stupid, nor ignorant, dont exclude them from rational discussions.
 
Nanfeishen said:
At the end of the day some people just simply outgrow one another.

When this occurs no amount of counselling will repair anything.

If you are mature enough to recognise this then parting need not be an issue..
WRT children, if they are old enough to understand then sit down with them and explain this to them.
Children only develop issues with or from divorce because parents have this habit of excluding them from divorce discussions with comments like "this is grown up talk" or "you are just child" etc etc.
Children are not stupid, nor ignorant, dont exclude them from rational discussions.
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Thanks for the encouraging words.
 
Tamagotchi said:
I know what you're saying but then I'm exposing myself again for another trammpling on. And shell prob continue the abuse and continue with her habits. I think I'll wait till friday and see if she has the guts to acknowledge the gravity of this. If not, I'll prob have to go ahead with D.
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Well talk to her about all the issues on Friday and ask her if she is willing to try make things work or not.
 
Have you ever actually taken her aside sat down and calmly and compassionately asked her straight why is she unhappy and what can do you do about. All you can do is make a sincere effort to get it out in the open to deal with it.
 
Alan said:
Have you ever actually taken her aside sat down and calmly and compassionately asked her straight why is she unhappy and what can do you do about. All you can do is make a sincere effort to get it out in the open to deal with it.
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Yes, I have. Her requests are unreeasonable. Like I can go watch football with my mates but shouldn't drink. I / we can go to n braai but I shouldn't drink. In itself it does not seem like problem but I want to socialise like evryone else. I don't clean the yard well enough. The ggarage is always a mess. I forgot to pick up my towel in the bathroom. I'm not interested in the kids schooling.why can't I help around the house, and I ask her what should I do "can't you think, look at the place" and etc.
 
Tamagotchi said:
Good and well. But then I'll see my kids on a part-time basis. Its sad to let them grow up like this.
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Dude.. my brother went thru divorce 2 years ago (2 kids). He sees them 2nd weekends etc. It's crap but he is "over" it. Life goes on, he talks/sees the kids. Spend holidays with. He has a awesome gf now (in comparison to the money hungry back stabbing
b!tch he had) and he is actually HAPPIER.

Why would you want to spend 20 years with a person that don't love you? You life once.. when you die.. you don't want to look back and just have a *****ty view of life..
 
Tamagotchi said:
Yes, I have. Her requests are unreeasonable. Like I can go watch football with my mates but shouldn't drink. I / we can go to n braai but I shouldn't drink. In itself it does not seem like problem but I want to socialise like evryone else. I don't clean the yard well enough. The ggarage is always a mess. I forgot to pick up my towel in the bathroom. I'm not interested in the kids schooling.why can't I help around the house, and I ask her what should I do "can't you think, look at the place" and etc.
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Unless you have a drinking problem, it sounds like she is making things as difficult as possible for you so that you would leave her and she does not have to be the one to do the 'dirty work' of breaking up. She might even act the part of a victim then.
 
Slootvreter said:
Unless you have a drinking problem, it sounds like she is making things as difficult as possible for you so that you would leave her and she does not have to be the one to do the 'dirty work' of breaking up. She might even act the part of a victim then.
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Dude I. Used to drink seriously. In the last couple of months it toned down a lot. To the point where I would ask if I could drink 2 beers. Tbh most of the heavy drinking was a coping mechanism for the prolonged fights. I binged a lot. But that's done now especially with me maybe becoming the outside father figgure so the little time I'd spend with them has to count.
 
Tamagotchi said:
Dude I. Used to drink seriously. In the last couple of months it toned down a lot. To the point where I would ask if I could drink 2 beers. Tbh most of the heavy drinking was a coping mechanism for the prolonged fights. I binged a lot. But that's done now especially with me maybe becoming the outside father figgure so the little time I'd spend with them has to count.
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There's always two sides to every story and maybe the fact that you binged so often got her to the point where she's scared you might fall back into that hole again. So perhaps that's the reason why her demands are a bit unreasonable wrt drinking?

I don't know, I'm just asking
 
YingYang said:
There's always two sides to every story and maybe the fact that you binged so often got her to the point where she's scared you might fall back into that hole again. So perhaps that's the reason why her demands are a bit unreasonable wrt drinking?

I don't know, I'm just asking
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The binging for me was for coping with the rejection and her not wanting to see sence in our reconciliation. And to be honest to spite hern I know that's immature, seems like I didn't have any defense. Its someothing I acted wrongly upon I could have handled it differntly but I chose this stupid option. But for someone to keep on pushing you away whhen you want to talk about the a fight is shiiite. She doesn't listen to reason and she's always right. Her opinion always matters. When I bring things up that bugs me I'm always too sensitive or I should learn not be so sensitive.
I'm still not denying that it was ****ed up to act out with my binges.
 
You do sound like someone who has taken a hit regarding your self confidence - always trying to justify her actions.
I think you need a break from all of this and see where it goes. Whether you divorce or stay together, it is your decision. The decision you NEED to make sooner rather than later.
 
Fuma said:
You do sound like someone who has taken a hit regarding your self confidence - always trying to justify her actions.
I think you need a break from all of this and see where it goes. Whether you divorce or stay together, it is your decision. The decision you NEED to make sooner rather than later.
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I definately took a serious hit on self-confidence that I realise very well. What do you mean by always trying to justify her actions???
 
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