Is DIVORCE really that bad when...

You might be acidrazor, I think so too, but I'm rational about whereas her ego is unquenchable.
I'm not looking to fault her. I've got my own. For a while my confidence has been low and I think she's using against me.
 
Fuma said:
That part in bold is very important. In my case, I realized I was married to a sociopath. I'm not sure how to deal with her anymore. Maybe I should start my own thread.
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Dafuq, so I'm not the only one in this situation either.

I'm watching this thread like a hawk!
 
Years ago I took up karate & ended up with a chest that was more-or-less one big - and very painful - bruise :)

The result was that - when sparring - I was more more interested in getting out of the way of a punch to the chest than I was about applying technique.

The two of you are in a similar condition: you are so bruised that almost anything will cause an over-reaction leading to a fight etc.

And you can't get past that place.

Much as I hate to suggest it, medication may well be your answer.

By itself it won't cure you. It will, however, "take the edge off" your hair-trigger emotions, allowing you to talk through your problems with the aid of a psychologist.

And good luck to both of you ...
 
rrh said:
Years ago I took up karate & ended up with a chest that was more-or-less one big - and very painful - bruise :)

The result was that - when sparring - I was more more interested in getting out of the way of a punch to the chest than I was about applying technique.

The two of you are in a similar condition: you are so bruised that almost anything will cause an over-reaction leading to a fight etc.

And you can't get past that place.

Much as I hate to suggest it, medication may well be your answer.

By itself it won't cure you. It will, however, "take the edge off" your hair-trigger emotions, allowing you to talk through your problems with the aid of a psychologist.

And good luck to both of you ...
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This is a great post ;)
 
Usually the husband, wife, family members are the punching bag for things the abuser cant control.

So the wife has a bad day at work then when husband treads dirt into the house she totally freak's out.

Try asking her about her day and let her vent her frustrations (dont try and fix any of them just listen)
 
MsDenz said:
This is really good advice. One more thing you need to consider is that if you don't sort this fighting out now, it WILL affect your children when they're older.
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Yeah to play devil's advocate here a bit:

Love isn't always enough. Marriages should always try to be saved and good on you for trying, but children would generally rather come from a broken home than a disfunctional one.

My opinion is that you went for councelling but that you are in fact not finished with that process yet. Basically you need to keep working at it "until". Until in your case would be until you have identified and resolved the underlying issues which manifest as fighting. You contantly need to ask yourself what is behind the anger.
 
Tamagotchi said:
You still love your wife and have kids with her as well?
But you just can't stop fighting!
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Fighting is part of life, its not a reason to get divorced. You just need to learn how to resolve your conflict.

Go see a counselor.
 
Its not worth it to get divorced; most divorces only last about 30 days; or until you have to pay the next 'pap geld'

You will in any case always have a bond with your wife; ( that's why divorces hurt so much ; as the bible say 'the Two will become ONE,and what God has put together no man can split' once you shared a bed a emotional/spiritual bond are formed between the two people making them one( ever heard of people that after 20 years of marriage they can just look at one another and know what the other one are thinking); because of the emotional/spiritual bond a part of you gets torn off while you are still alive during a divorce (that's why there is so much hurt in divorce)


www.ourdreammarriage.com has a very interesting program on channel 341 dstv wednesday's @ 20h00watch it a few weeks before you decide and invite your wife as well; see how men think vs woman; men for instance think J they took their wife to Hawai( that should buy a lot of 'bonus' points(put you in her good books) for a long while; but unfortunately/the sad reality the way a woman works is that those bonus point only lasts for that day; and waking up tomorrow you have to start building up a new set of points(flowers/chocolates/tell her how good she looks/how much you love her/how sorrrrryyyyyy you are) for that day. :) :) )

Have balls ; don't divorce / chicken out ' this may last a year or two but when its trough it would have been worth it

Its not worth it for your children to grow up without a father ( something like 98 % of men ending up in jail didn't have a relationship with their fathers) so growing up without a dad isn't a good thing; hold on ; treat your wife like a queen and see if she doesn't change ; and tell her you LOVE her apparently they want to hear that as often as possible
 
Crowley said:
Some times it is better to call it quits that to keep on fighting. Depending if you and your wife can think rationally and not try to be spiteful a divorce is not expensive at all. If you can split your stuff up and decide who takes care of the children without involving lawyers it costs less that R100.

If you decide to go through with it, the most important thing is to decide what will be best for the children.
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Papers are avail from magistrates court, if you really feel you must and all else is not positive anymore
 
Tamagotchi said:
Why do we fight? Over the smallest things. And after weeks I'm the one who says sorry whether I'm right or wrong. In the mean time I'll go on drinking binges coz I can't handle the silent treatment. A few weeks ago she still she loved me.
She can't let a fight last a day or two its gotta 2 weeks or more. I can't handle that.
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Staying together is going to cause more problems in the long run, damage to the children
You will find that as man and wife you are not compatible but as Friends you will see eye to eye.
 
no matter what the media says the kids always suffer as a reuslt of the divorce. there is no HAPPY divorce. its a bloody myth. if you can save it, save it for the children. you got married for a reason. try to rediscover that love/passion again.
 
Fuma said:
Do you have kids with her? How are you dealing with the situation?
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Yes, two. I don't really have a method for the madness, I just ignore her until she calms the fsck down. Other than that I don't answer her when she asks me or tells me something with any sort of tone in her voice.

Make no mistake, we love each other to bits! Its just the fights which has me worried.
 
Take it from someone who has been in exactly the same space as you are now: neither of you are thinking rationally at present. You are simply reacting, hence the continuous fighting.

I can remember waking up (on more than one occasion) saying to myself "I am not going to fight today" only to find myself in the middle of a vicious scrap ten minutes later.

You both need professional assistance.

And, as I said earlier, you both need medication to reduce your hyper-sensitivity with the aim of leaving you able to communicate.
 
The thing is well, the counsilor asked if we have power struggle, but something(can't remember) got in the way of a response.
Its hard for me think of her with someone else, there's where the low esteem plays a big role. I see myself as nothing without her.
 
Tamagotchi said:
Its hard for me think of her with someone else, there's where the low esteem plays a big role. I see myself as nothing without her.
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You need to man up. You need to take the lead in the marriage.

How old are the kids ?
 
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