Is DIVORCE really that bad when...

YingYang said:
I think the real problem we're sitting with here is the fact that she does not want to be with him and is trying to get him to leave her. I'm not sure a mediator will change the way she's feeling about him TBH
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My 2c
If she really wanted him to leave, she wouldn't try to curtail his drinking. I would think, and this is just my opinion, that the OP probably did something during one of his drunken binges that made her fearful or distrustful.She wants him to stop drinking, he likes being sociable and wants to have a beer or two.

Much of what the OP is complaining about is the normal nagging a wife does when her husband thinks housework and child rearing is womens work. I don't mean any offense to the OP, just sharing a woman's view.
 
Slootvreter said:
Not sure how you can put this first on the list :eek:
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this is usually the root of all problems. Sometimes guys love their girls so much they completely forget to be assertive. The trick is to respect her and please her but not at the cost of your manhood. The old "nice guys finish last" thing is true. Women want a man not a sensitive thing with a penis. She wants to know she can depend on you and that you will provide for her (its basic instinct for having children, the ladies can argue as much as they want but instinct always wins). If you dont do this, she will be "not in the mood" more often then it will turn to less sex and start tearing away at the relationship. Guys must remember women love sex just as much and if you dont or cant give it to her she will go elsewhere.

I dont know if this is applicable to this scenario but its a good start. I would suggest that you recreate your first date or the moment you met by taking her to that restaurant or some other memorable moment. Then you both will remember why you got married in the first place. Since you still love your wife dude you gotta act fast before she leaves
Tamagotchi said:
I keep on myself about the times she slapped me in the face even in front of people, and my conclusion is that she has a superiority complex. Its like if she doesn't get her way she resorts to physival abuse. And that's usually the actions of a weak person. Just the way she talked to me when I asked a simple thing yesterday. She went "just leave me alone" so on sunday I will.
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no no no. She has lost respect of you as a man dude. You need to show her you are not a man but HER man. Now im not saying go and slap her back but you gotta work hard. When she says leave me alone she wants to see what you willing to do to not make her say that. Go out buy flowers and some chocs or do something special when she tries to chase you away, show her you willing to move heaven and earth thats what she is asking for. Do not do as she says because you only giving the impression she isnt worth the effort.

If you love your wife then fight for her man. You will regret it later.

Now if only women understood to satisfy a man you need to do only two things: be faithful and give us sex, you will have a very happy relationship
 
RiaX said:
When she says leave me alone she wants to see what you willing to do to not make her say that. Go out buy flowers and some chocs or do something special when she tries to chase you away, show her you willing to move heaven and earth thats what she is asking for. Do not do as she says because you only giving the impression she isnt worth the effort.

If you love your wife then fight for her man. You will regret it later.
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Good grief! A man that understands women!
Great advice :)
 
abzo said:
Speak for yourself.
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+1000
Women have needs, men have needs. Women and men need to learn how to meet their partners needs. Men have sensitive egos, women need to learn not to abuse them in the same way men should learn to not abuse their spouses. It's always two ways. Good marriage and good sex go hand in hand.
 
Readd the above posts, so I'll give feedback on most. Sorry for errors. B-berry not too lekka for typing.
Anyways. When things are well we have plenty of sex. -kll have. It everyday if I can. Buying her flowers and stuff I've done before when we had fights. Damn even onV-day I bought her roses even thouggh she didn't speak to me and we were fighting. Every so often I'd buy her a ps you know those "I love you" "I'm sorry" etc chocolates. I'm not always that cheap I do buy,up to at least cadbury and ferrero rocher (sp). I feel I've done a lot. She does look on down on me. Which kinda reminds me, a lotta times when we fight I listen linkin park's my way or the highhway. Its in my opinion very relevant to me.
 
Tamagotchi said:
Readd the above posts, so I'll give feedback on most. Sorry for errors. B-berry not too lekka for typing.
Anyways. When things are well we have plenty of sex. -kll have. It everyday if I can. Buying her flowers and stuff I've done before when we had fights. Damn even onV-day I bought her roses even thouggh she didn't speak to me and we were fighting. Every so often I'd buy her a ps you know those "I love you" "I'm sorry" etc chocolates. I'm not always that cheap I do buy,up to at least cadbury and ferrero rocher (sp). I feel I've done a lot. She does look on down on me. Which kinda reminds me, a lotta times when we fight I listen linkin park's my way or the highhway. Its in my opinion very relevant to me.
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Not trying to be insensitive, but you need to understand your wife's side of this as well. You've portrayed her in a very bad light. Are you not to blame at all?

If one counsellor does not help, and you said he was biased, go to another one.
 
I left on sunday. Still no line of communication. I do now think she wanted to do this to get me to leave. Ehether way, my fault or not, its painfull but life goes on...
 
Singal said:
Not trying to be insensitive, but you need to understand your wife's side of this as well. You've portrayed her in a very bad light. Are you not to blame at all?

If one counsellor does not help, and you said he was biased, go to another one.
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As I said before I used to drink a lot. I said some some bad to things to her. She said even worse things to me. Not comparing. At counseling the stuff she called me came up a lot. My stuff never. We filled questionairs, I stated my POV. Its like he didn't even read those things, because it was serious issues to me. Like he never adressed the physical abuse. During all my binges I never came and was physically or emotionally abusive. Evrything was paid for in time and I always had time for the kids. We'd fight over small stuff that she was always unforgiving for, untill I just got in the car and went binging again. And etc -- vicious circle continues.
 
Stupid move....




With you moving out you have given up your rights to everything in the home. Unless you have a legal contract stating otherwise.
 
ChilliGirl said:
Stupid move....




With you moving out you have given up your rights to everything in the home. Unless you have a legal contract stating otherwise.
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The courts will look at it as "Abandonment"
He isn't giving up his rights but he will start off with a bad foot on Negotiations.
 
I'm coming around everyday to see the kids. Living with my folks. Just decided to focus on myself, my kids. Gotta go check out what my local virgin active charges.
 
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