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kab123

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
236
As every parent I can understand how you feel.

My only recommendation is to NOT try and quit smoking now as some idiot recommended.

Rather wait will everything settles

Man I miss my ciggerretes.

Good luck. You're going to love that boy so much!
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
33,347
Been avoiding. Going to work tomorrow. Not sure yet whats happening with son.
So you’ve gone through all this without a single conversation with the boss?

Not a very good play if you were hoping for some leniency.
 

eehellfire

Executive Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
9,468
No theres been brief conversations. Sort of like a whatsapp message saying stuff is going bad i need a few more days off and the response is... good luck.

So they know whats happening
Good luck. Things will get better. This doesn't help you now, but they will get better.
 

Nerfherder

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
24,456
As every parent I can understand how you feel.

My only recommendation is to NOT try and quit smoking now as some idiot recommended.

Rather wait will everything settles

Man I miss my ciggerretes.

Good luck. You're going to love that boy so much!
Smoking with a prem in the house is criminal. Might as well bash it in the head.

Honestly man, find some other way to hurt yourself because smoking round that baby is pedaling backwards.
Do you really feel like another month or 2 in the ICU ?
 

Venomous

Honorary Master
Joined
Oct 6, 2010
Messages
53,775
Smoking with a prem in the house is criminal. Might as well bash it in the head.

Honestly man, find some other way to hurt yourself because smoking round that baby is pedaling backwards.
Do you really feel like another month or 2 in the ICU ?
Read again.
OP stated that smoking is impossible, so probably going outside, which would be difficult with a difficult child ...

OP never said smoking while holding.
 

Stefanmuller

Expert Member
Joined
Mar 12, 2008
Messages
2,867
So we cant afford the nanny. We can afford the nanny but not the R12000 we need to pay the agency.

The nanny is R8k a month and shting out 20k in total in first month is just not feasible.

And its a pity cause we found someone we like
My advice is to get a nanny that comes in every day. As in a trustworthy domestic worker but who will focus most of her time looking after the kiddo. Will cost you about R3.5 to R5k oer month. Ask friends or relatives or even FB groups for someone they can give a good reference. At the moment you guys dont need a child professional, just someone who can take time off your hands. The better the reference to child care experience the better I guess but your wife will be around at least for the first few months to check it out. As a bonus some of the house work will also be taken care of.


My brothers and I have been raised by a domestic with my mom and not as though she had any experience but was like a mother to us.
 

Polly101

Senior Member
Joined
Nov 7, 2011
Messages
951
Our first was a colic baby who cried all.the.time. I remember coming home one day after work and the wife said those exact words.. 'take her else i'm going to throw her against the wall.'

It's rough but it gets better. Like you cannot even imagine the joy while they are growing up. Today she's a wonderful young adult.

You seriously need a break. Make a plan or call in a favor if you have to.
I was a colic baby
My mother says once she put me in the cupboard (apparently not for long) because she just could not cope
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
33,347
Smoking with a prem in the house is criminal. Might as well bash it in the head.

Honestly man, find some other way to hurt yourself because smoking round that baby is pedaling backwards.
Do you really feel like another month or 2 in the ICU ?
You make it sound like he is sitting and smoking right next to the kid which I’m sure is not the case.
 

IzZzy

Executive Member
Joined
Feb 17, 2004
Messages
5,808
No theres been brief conversations. Sort of like a whatsapp message saying stuff is going bad i need a few more days off and the response is... good luck.

So they know whats happening
Hey. I have two 5 month old prem twins (34 weeks) that had severe silent reflux and regurgitation (of the violent kind). They would scream hours on end in the beginning and our pediatrician couldn't help (in fact he started prescribing a host of unnecessary medication). We changed to someone who came highly recommended and he diagnosed their symptoms immediately. We abandoned the old medication are now on a steady course of nexium and infant gaviscon for them and the difference is night and day - the endless screaming has stopped! And the vomiting has all but ceased (there are the odd surprises). So I can fully relate to your issues and I hope you heed my simple advice.

If I had listened to others, I was told to "just bear it out because they are colic". Or use magical colic potions. The end of the day is that colic is a made up diagnosis. It has no medical backing. A baby screams for a reason and it would definitely be in your and your baby's best interest to have a pediatrician look at him/her. It may be silent reflux (which is hard to diagnose and terribly painful). And you can treat severe regurgitation.

My wife and I also went through quite severe depression - it is no joke. We were in the same boat as you because with twins, there was (and is) never a chance to get a rest and hand the baby over. We roped in the MIL who moved in for 5 weeks. She was such a trooper - she managed the 1am to 5am shift and another during the day. We then hired a nanny as well to manage.

You need help - it is possible to do this if you can hand the baby over in the morning and go to work, then come home and do the night shift. I feel for you - you also need to support your wife through this difficult period. All I can offer is the best of luck and push through to the smiling stage - it becomes so worthwhile to have them smile back at you! All my built up frustrations fade away when they smile.
 

SauRoNZA

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Jul 6, 2010
Messages
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Nerfherder

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
24,456
You make it sound like he is sitting and smoking right next to the kid which I’m sure is not the case.
Unfortunately the smoke on his clothes is enough to trigger a full on lung infection.

I'm not even being an arse about it, there are scientific journals on this.
 

Nerfherder

Honorary Master
Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
24,456
Interesting. Are you a medical doctor? Colic looks to be in the medical dictionary.

https://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=2779
That's not a medical dictionary.

If you read carefully it describes a symptom with several causes:

Overfeeding, undiluted juices, food allergies, and stress can aggravate colic.
Its not a disease or disorder to be treated medically, unless its allergies, and then should be treated as allergies and not as "excessive crying".

Colic describes the parents reaction, not the babies.
 

SauRoNZA

Honorary Master
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
33,347
Unfortunately the smoke on his clothes is enough to trigger a full on lung infection.

I'm not even being an arse about it, there are scientific journals on this.
Didn't think about that but yes it does make sense.
 

SeRpEnT

Expert Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2008
Messages
4,036
Good luck bud.

For what it's worth a few ideas from my side:

1. Coffee for those days/nights when you are struggling to stay awake. And it helps if it's great coffee and you are a coffee-holic like me.. And for when you want to sleep get yourself some meds. Some cheap old school anti-allergy meds out there with great sedative side effects...so much so that our GP prescribes it to us for sleeping!

2. Calm yourself down. Find a way to enjoy your hobbies whilst you are looking after your son. There must be a way. Watch some comedy shows. Checkout YouTube for some good standup comedy clips. You need to relax a bit more.

3. The world is full of douches and ar$holes...but belief me there are still good people out there. Reach out to local charities/NGO's who might be able to assist. There really are some great angels out there. Also check your local FB group page to find local charities. I found two in my area a while ago that I never knew about. My wife started following their pages and WOW...these people are amazing. I'm sure there are more groups/NGO's out there in SA that will/can help with almost anything.
 
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