Paying for Dates

[sutekj]

#1) If you asked her out, then you pay.
#2) If she asked you out, then you pay.
#3) If she is just a friend, then you pay.
#4) If she offers to pay with any of the above, then she is most likely desperate and looking for another date.

If you want her to pay with any of the above, including #4, then she will also no longer be interested in you.

You're probably a little older than I am, but I don't see myself as needing to pay for everything.

I've seen girls who aren't at all impressed by me paying for everything. I kind of respect that more. I often don't mind paying. But I'd be much more likely to pay or buy things for someone I've known for a while. First dates? No. I think that would make me look like I'm desperate.

 

[Nick333]

If a girl doesnt offer to contribute, shes not worth a 2nd date. Forget and move on...
unless you want some money grabbing gold digging ho in your life.

Ja, I'm sort of leaning towards this. If she just expects it she might be welling for somebody to upgrade her financial status.

 

[proxilin]

Well a first date is about getting to know a person. If you don't like that she did this it shows you a part of her you don't like, and thus shouldn't go on a second date with.

 

[Anony-mousse]

Well, thanks for trying.

Okay, now I know what to say:

#1) If you asked her out, then you pay.
#2) If she asked you out, then you pay.
#3) If she is just a friend, then you pay.
#4) If she offers to pay with any of the above, then she is most likely desperate and looking for another date.

If you want her to pay with any of the above, including #4, then she will also no longer be interested in you.

Lol, sorry donza. +1 for both of us ;-)

 

[Nick333]

You're probably a little older than I am, but I don't see myself as needing to pay for everything.

I've seen girls who aren't at all impressed by me paying for everything. I kind of respect that more. I often don't mind paying. But I'd be much more likely to pay or buy things for someone I've known for a while. First dates? No. I think that would make me look like I'm desperate.

Which is why I think coffee is a good first date. I mean its just coffee so I'll pay and you get the next one. Maybe I should have tossed in my share and just waited her to take care of hers?

 

[Mike Hoxbig]

Okay, now I know what to say:

#1) If you asked her out, then you pay.
#2) If she asked you out, then you pay.
#3) If she is just a friend, then you pay.
#4) If she offers to pay with any of the above, then she is most likely desperate and looking for another date.

If you want her to pay with any of the above, including #4, then she will also no longer be interested in you.

Lol, sorry donza. +1 for both of us ;-)

I'm sure if he wanted a gf from the 1950s, then he would have been born then

Personally I'm interested in women who show that they are progressive, and not some robot who subscribes to what is sometimes perceived to be the norm.

Anyway Nick maybe she sees it your way too, and may offer to pay on the 2nd date but made a boo-boo on the 1st one for not saying anything. Give her another chance and see if it happens again.

 

[Anony-mousse]

Which is why I think coffee is a good first date. I mean its just coffee so I'll pay and you get the next one. Maybe I should have tossed in my share and just waited her to take care of hers?

No. Look, it was just coffee. No matter if you go on a second date or not, you were polite and gentleman enough to pay for her. I assume she said thank you, therefore showed her appreciation. See it as a test of her manners. In any case, if you don't see her again it wasn't a big loss. Either way, you will be remembered as the one who knows how to behave.

 

[Nick333]

Well a first date is about getting to know a person. If you don't like that she did this it shows you a part of her you don't like, and thus shouldn't go on a second date with.

You're spot on really. I'm just wondering if I'm being a bit of a douche about it.

 

[Other Pineapple Smurf]

You're probably a little older than I am, but I don't see myself as needing to pay for everything.

I've seen girls who aren't at all impressed by me paying for everything. I kind of respect that more. I often don't mind paying. But I'd be much more likely to pay or buy things for someone I've known for a while. First dates? No. I think that would make me look like I'm desperate.

Nothing to do with age but more to do with the type of women/girls your dating.

I've always had dates that wanted to pay and always dates that expected me to pay even when I was young. I would not say its more common for women to pay these days, I would say its more go to with the environment.

I've never objected to a date paying in partial or full for a coffee shop or movie date, but taking her out to a restaurant with a dress code I've yet to be offered to pay even the parking. I would also be offended if it did happen as such a date is a special occasion.

 

[NightShift]

Nick, maybe you've picked yourself an old fashioned girl who believes in letting the man pay. Maybe she thinks you'll feel good about yourself and extra manly because you took her out and showed her a good evening, and she doesnt want to take that away from you.

The fact that this bothers you so much after 1 date seems to imply some kind of insecurity on your part. Girls are different. Because this one is different to your last one is not cause for alarm. Go out some more and get to know her a little bit better, and make up your own mind without influence from an internet forum.

 

[Venom Rush]

If she expects you to pay for every date without being willing to pay then you've got the wrong woman. We're living in a modern day and age and even though I'd insist on paying most of the time I wouldn't mind if she insisted on paying once in a while.

 

[Jola]

FFS it's the first date, and it is just coffee - stop agonising over it.

See how it goes, you can start worrying later ! Behave yourself and you may get lucky!

 

[Other Pineapple Smurf]

I'm sure if he wanted a gf from the 1950s, then he would have been born then

Personally I'm interested in women who show that they are progressive, and not some robot who subscribes to what is sometimes perceived to be the norm.

Anyway Nick maybe she sees it your way too, and may offer to pay on the 2nd date but made a boo-boo on the 1st one for not saying anything. Give her another chance and see if it happens again.

Your missing the point about the romantic part of dating, nothing to do with 50s or "norm". Are you the guy that also believes flowers are a commercial thing? I've always given a bunch of flowers the day after a date and yet to have a date who has complained regardless of how "progressive" they are.

If she expects you to pay for every date without being willing to pay then you've got the wrong woman. We're living in a modern day and age and even though I'd insist on paying most of the time I wouldn't mind if she insisted on paying once in a while.

Nothing to do with modern age but I would say after a few dates then with the more social ones having her pay is expected.

 

[Nick333]

I'm sure if he wanted a gf from the 1950s, then he would have been born then

Personally I'm interested in women who show that they are progressive, and not some robot who subscribes to what is sometimes perceived to be the norm.

Anyway Nick maybe she sees it your way too, and may offer to pay on the 2nd date but made a boo-boo on the 1st one for not saying anything. Give her another chance and see if it happens again.

Ja, maybe I should just set a standard and stick to it. I'm just having doubts about being too picky.

 

[SEF]

I had a first date on the weekend and I was fully prepared to pay. It was only coffee after all. What bugged me some what was that she didn't even offer to contribute. If she had I would have insisted, after all it was my invite, but surely in this day and age she should have offered?

Also, do modern women expect the guy to pay for all dates? If so I've got a problem because I don't think I should have to be paying someones way to enjoy their company.

I'll have to go back to drunken zipless ****s that occasionally turn in to something else. Actually, that might be best for a guy like me. :erm:

Maybe she will pay next time around ? Afterall, it was a first date.

 

[Mach III]

I had a girlfriend 13 years older than me. She paid all the time, including hotel rooms, guest houses It's the way to go!

 

[Nick333]

Nick, maybe you've picked yourself an old fashioned girl who believes in letting the man pay. Maybe she thinks you'll feel good about yourself and extra manly because you took her out and showed her a good evening, and she doesnt want to take that away from you.

The fact that this bothers you so much after 1 date seems to imply some kind of insecurity on your part. Girls are different. Because this one is different to your last one is not cause for alarm. Go out some more and get to know her a little bit better, and make up your own mind without influence from an internet forum.

You're probably right about the insecurity thing but ya know what? I'm not sure I'm wrong to have it. I want a woman who is happy to pay her own way so we can both know what we're both there for.

 

[Anony-mousse]

Perhaps you just shouldn't break your head over it and see what happens next time.

Do we already know whether she said thank you?

 

[Anony-mousse]

You're probably right about the insecurity thing but ya know what? I'm not sure I'm wrong to have it. I want a woman who is happy to pay her own way so we can both know what we're both there for.

But you expect a bit much from a first date over coffee, don't you think?

 

[Other Pineapple Smurf]

Ja, maybe I should just set a standard and stick to it. I'm just having doubts about being too picky.

Don't judge on the first date but I've be careful of leechers, I've had my fair share of them. Takes no more than 3 dates to identify those and they are always the ones who are picky with the places.

Take your date to McDonalds if you want your not sure (Jokes aside but my wife and I ended up at McDonalds on our 2nd date as all the places we went to that night involved one of us bumping into somebody we where trying to avoid)