This is probably going to sound like a news24 thread but here goes :
Let's say you've become so used to pleasuring yourself lately that when you're in the company of a female, you're unable to get it up since it's become accustomed to only your touch. And when you do eventually manage to get it up, you're unable to climax or it's not as great as when you do it manually.
What's the solution? Is the damage irreversible or would a few weeks of abstaining from self-pleasure sort this out? Is it possible to re-train your body to be turned on by something other than the touch it's used to?
I think you may be suffering from stage fright or performance anxiety, it is the anxiety, fear, or persistent phobia which may be aroused in an individual by the requirement to perform and it is very common. This is one key to the puzzle.
The other part as you mentioned would the self pleasing. You have conditioned your self to become erect for a hand job... you have lost track of the mind set that is needed. You have been made use to turning your self on with the idea of pleasuring your self in your subconsciousness with the end goal to reach an orgasm. This would be vanilla and boring.
Think of your younger days when you were very curious of women and the times you were able to become erect easily. You also need to have balance. You need to know why you are becoming erect not just for the sake of having sex.
Watching porn or pleasing your self takes you away from the actual turn ons or lust.
Try and refrain from pleasing your self for a while. But it is only one side of the equasion. You also have to please yourself and that means allowing yourself to be just a little bit selfish about your own pleasure; to think about what you want and how you feel as well as to think about what she wants and how she feels. Believe it or not, being partially selfish in this balanced way can be sexy to your partner. If your issue is related to performance anxiety, giving yourself permission to be just a little bit selfish may make it go away.
This is all to say: Too much thinking while lovemaking is a good way to ruin the lovemaking.
Tips: Foreplay... forget that you need to enter her. Try to go down on her and please her for a while. You will notice your motor starting pretty fast then. Also a blowjob also does not help at all when you are full of anxiety.
The erection pills should help but then you need to carry them around with you and you never know when an opportunity can arise or see a psychiatrist for anxiety pills. I found Remeron helped with no noticeable adverse effects for me personally. I also started sleeping again and good deep rem sleep.
The thing about anxiety is you may not even know that you have it and it can build up in the background from stress plus other factors. Also you should be sure to look after your sleeping patterns as a tired mind can compound the effect.
