Ready to OD again

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EMAM said:
Upping or changing meds isn't always the solution.

I also have BPD, was put on the right meds, etc. My psychiatrist left the country and sold her practice. The first time I saw the new guy, I was fine...... He kept my meds the same. The next time I saw him, I was in a bad space so he decided to take me off the meds and scripted a whole lot of new ones......I never "came right" on the new meds, and, I overdosed 6 weeks later. Obviously it didn't work but I landed up in high care for a week as I fkkd my liver up.

I'm tired of these meds, tbh, and I took myself off them 2 months ago. I'm going through a shyte storm right now (with a stash of pills in my drawer, just waiting ) but, although he anxiety is killing me, I think I'm coping better this time around.
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I agree. My fiance got off her meds and 6 months later she is achieving and working well.

Here is my gripe with psychiatrists. One experiences emotional trauma of some kind and they give you a pill. My fiance's family abandoned her and her partner was abusive. So the psychiatrists solution is a hand full of pills.
 
First, bipolar mood disorder is a real mental health disease. For those who think that it's just a case of getting oneself together: did you know that during manic episodes, the brains of bipolar sufferers enter an excitotoxic state which results in very subtle brain damage? Over successive manic episodes, bipolar sufferers develop permanent cognitive deficits such as poor memory, poor ability to plan ahead, etc. In some first-world countries, bipolar mood disorder is classed as a disability. Why? Because it's a known fact that bipolar sufferers struggle to hold down jobs.

Anyway, tera, I don't know if this helps much, but as the Buddhists believe, and folks like Viktor Frankl and Jordan Peterson argue too, "life is suffering". Accept that life isn't meant to be particularly pleasant, and during those periods when you are happy, consider yourself lucky. The goal in life should be meaning and purpose, not happiness.
 
Peon said:
I agree. My fiance got off her meds and 6 months later she is achieving and working well.

Here is my gripe with psychiatrists. One experiences emotional trauma of some kind and they give you a pill. My fiance's family abandoned her and her partner was abusive. So the psychiatrists solution is a hand full of pills.
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Unfortunately, it's a case of "if all you have is a hammer"... Psychiatrists are trained to treat mental illness with medication; it's what they do. The fault's not always with the hardware though, but sometimes, with the software, in which case a psychologist should be the port of call.
 
Thanks for the comments. I suck at exercise due to damage from my previous OD Peon. My lungs are not good. That said. I'm calmer and more relaxed now and realize I've been unfair today in my depressive state. Although my family don't really have contact with me and although I don't see them. They've always been there for me when I needed them

What I said about them today is a half truth and not the full truth. I don't think they know how to cope or manage with me at times. It's easier just to let me carry on doing my own thing than being involved in my life. I'm sorry about the negativity I said and spread today. Sleep well.
 
Hey Man,

I know it has been mentioned, i would seriously consider traveling + working abroad, example as an English teacher in Thailand/Vietnam/Laos/Myanmar etc. It really changes your life in ways you can't even imagine.

I will say tho, I have no idea if you would be able to handle being very far out of your comfort zone with bipolar/depression, you would have to make that decision and see because there can be some hectic times when you're alone overseas. PM me if it peeks your interest and want more info.
 
|tera| said:
Thanks for all the replies. Even the negative ones.
I have some really bad ass depression today and it all came out at once. I need to let it out. I won't OD and I feel ashamed of my actions. I'm just tired of going through this every day non stop. It never ends.
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Do you gym or otherwise exercise? I mean regularly? Do it! Make a conscious choice to get your physical ass into gear. Your body deals with cortisol that way - I know it's just one building block, but it helps. See if your local gym has a good personal trainer or perhaps if there's a cycling or running club with a casual group. Get out and about in the fresh air and drink loads of water.

Sorry - just saw your comment about lungs. Exercise is like anything else, work within your means. You don't have to be Arnold to get the benefits. Try bitgym on a tablet if you have one and can only get onto the exercise bike at home. Do you have a decent church nearby? Don't write people off who care just because they can't possibly understand your circumstances completely ;)
 
|tera| said:
Thanks for the comments. I suck at exercise due to damage from my previous OD Peon. My lungs are not good. That said. I'm calmer and more relaxed now and realize I've been unfair today in my depressive state. Although my family don't really have contact with me and although I don't see them. They've always been there for me when I needed them

What I said about them today is a half truth and not the full truth. I don't think they know how to cope or manage with me at times. It's easier just to let me carry on doing my own thing than being involved in my life. I'm sorry about the negativity I said and spread today. Sleep well.
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You're more like the rest of us than you realise.
 
|tera| said:
, so why should I care at all about being here?
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Definitely not to try and please other people. That's silly. I would suggest religion. Finding an answer to that question would help you quite a bit.
 
|tera| said:
Thanks for the comments. I suck at exercise due to damage from my previous OD Peon. My lungs are not good. That said. I'm calmer and more relaxed now and realize I've been unfair today in my depressive state. Although my family don't really have contact with me and although I don't see them. They've always been there for me when I needed them

What I said about them today is a half truth and not the full truth. I don't think they know how to cope or manage with me at times. It's easier just to let me carry on doing my own thing than being involved in my life. I'm sorry about the negativity I said and spread today. Sleep well.
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Hey you are still here!! Well done guy:thumbsup:
 
poffle said:
Hey Man,

I know it has been mentioned, i would seriously consider traveling + working abroad, example as an English teacher in Thailand/Vietnam/Laos/Myanmar etc. It really changes your life in ways you can't even imagine.

I will say tho, I have no idea if you would be able to handle being very far out of your comfort zone with bipolar/depression, you would have to make that decision and see because there can be some hectic times when you're alone overseas. PM me if it peeks your interest and want more info.
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Thank you. To be honest this hasn't entered my frame of thought. If I do decide on this route I'll give you a shout. Thank you.
Daruk said:
You're more like the rest of us than you realise.
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I might be. I agree. Concerning the exercise. I should be doing cardio mainly. I have a Wii fit. Just need to dust it off and use it. Even if it sounds lame.
LD50 said:
Hey you are still here!! Well done guy:thumbsup:
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Thank you. Appreciate it. :D
 
rietrot said:
Definitely not to try and please other people. That's silly. I would suggest religion. Finding an answer to that question would help you quite a bit.
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I identify and confess to be a Christian.
What Bipolar disorder and mental illness has taught me however is that I can't rely on other Christians. I haven't met one counsellor or Pastor or Preacher in my life that could relate to what I am going through. Doctors relate perfectly fine. Other medical staff too. I believe God relates as well.
Even though I believe, doesn't remove the depression or suicidal thoughts or actions.
I have faced God and attempted to take my own life. Yet He still loves me.
 
Tera I can tell you one thing for sure, its very difficult for friends and family to understand depression.
To most people the first thought is "its your mind, you can control what you think and how you feel"
It takes a lot of time to understand and deal with the idea of you not always being able to control what your mind does. The other issue is that mental health is a bit of a taboo subject in religious circles and it really shouldnt be.

I would suggest you need to see someone who can look at your medication and find combinations which are going to work for you, its not worth trying to battle through those issues by yourself.
 
|tera| said:
I identify and confess to be a Christian.
What Bipolar disorder and mental illness has taught me however is that I can't rely on other Christians. I haven't met one counsellor or Pastor or Preacher in my life that could relate to what I am going through. Doctors relate perfectly fine. Other medical staff too. I believe God relates as well.
Even though I believe, doesn't remove the depression or suicidal thoughts or actions.
I have faced God and attempted to take my own life. Yet He still loves me.
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That's good, but that should also give you reason not to kill yourself. Why are you here.
 
Rocket-Boy said:
Tera I can tell you one thing for sure, its very difficult for friends and family to understand depression.
To most people the first thought is "its your mind, you can control what you think and how you feel"
It takes a lot of time to understand and deal with the idea of you not always being able to control what your mind does. The other issue is that mental health is a bit of a taboo subject in religious circles and it really shouldnt be.

I would suggest you need to see someone who can look at your medication and find combinations which are going to work for you, its not worth trying to battle through those issues by yourself.
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I know it must be difficult for people, but I've heard it all these past 2 weeks. I'm in need of a mind change. I'm making it worse than it is. I have no reason to be depressed because others are worse off. People expect me to think clearly, but they can't even acknowledge that I was about to take my life to due to an illness. ****in double standards. I am also seeing Doctors as I said before and my medication was changed last week.
rietrot said:
That's good, but that should also give you reason not to kill yourself. Why are you here.
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I am here because I was born. According to my faith I'm not allowed to take my life. I'm aware of it. Just goes to show how pushed to the edge I've been in my life. I spent 3 weeks in intensive care. So I was almost gone.
 
|tera| said:
I know it must be difficult for people, but I've heard it all these past 2 weeks. I'm in need of a mind change. I'm making it worse than it is. I have no reason to be depressed because others are worse off. People expect me to think clearly, but they can't even acknowledge that I was about to take my life to due to an illness. ****in double standards. I am also seeing Doctors as I said before and my medication was changed last week.
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Ah I missed the bit about changed medication, good to hear that.
You are still here so you are doing great, just try to take it a day at a time.
I know its hard to try and make plans when the black cloud descends but having some kind of goal to work towards might help to give you something to focus on.
 
Rocket-Boy said:
Ah I missed the bit about changed medication, good to hear that.
You are still here so you are doing great, just try to take it a day at a time.
I know its hard to try and make plans when the black cloud descends but having some kind of goal to work towards might help to give you something to focus on.
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Thanks. I appreciate your concern and encouragement. I'm just grouchy today. Lol
 
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