Ready to OD again

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|tera| said:
The people in my life are killing me.
They just give a flying ****, so why should I care at all about being here?
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@|tera| sorry if i'm repeating a question or it being a stupid one.. but do these people know to what extent they are pushing you?
 
Nemus said:
@|tera| sorry if i'm repeating a question or it being a stupid one.. but do these people know to what extent they are pushing you?
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Sorry, I didn't see your question. I don't think they know or frankly realize it to be honest.
I've attempted to be vocal about it my entire life, but I'm always shrugged off. I literally live a life of solitude.
No one contacts me. I have zero contact with any of my family members, although I was raised in a white Afrikaans family.
They don't communicate with me, but as soon as I OD the love seems to be there for a short period, or unless they want to commit me somewhere.
I'm just really at odds sometimes. I understand that people say I shouldn't blame the people in my life, but I'm not such a bastard to deserve this treatment.
Yes I've made mistakes. Yes I've committed some sins in my life, but to receive this type of treatment is just not on.
I saw some of my family members for the first time in almost two years a few weekends ago. It was nice, but also exhausting, because they kept trying to "train" me like an animal, They told me how to be and not to be, The usual drivel I've known for years.

It may sound like I'm complaining, but I'm just laying it out there.
My family doesn't understand depression or Bipolar disorder and they've never understood it.
They've never taken the time to really learn about it even when the Medical world asked them to.
I'm the stranger and the Lone Ranger.

I don't go out. Don't have the finances for it and don't really enjoy it anymore at my age. I used to enjoy it when I was younger.
I don't attend church and I don't really mingle at work either.

It's like I've got a really big Avoid sign on my forehead somehow.
I always try to be friendly and accommodating, but people just seem to feel nothing for me.
 
I've never suffered from depression, so I can't even imagine or pretend to know what you are going through.
I have, however, felt as you describe above. Where what I give to others does not seem to be reciprocated. Like others are against me, against me being happy and against me being successful. Then i realized it was only a small few people doing it to me. Eventually, I realized it was a singular motivating others to do it. It led me to realize a cousin of mine did not care for me at all. It turned out to be pure jealousy as he was not able to achieve what I set out t achieve.
Why am i telling you this?? I achieved more than i ever thought I would achieve BECAUSE of how they made me felt years ago.
 
Nemus said:
I've never suffered from depression, so I can't even imagine or pretend to know what you are going through.
I have, however, felt as you describe above. Where what I give to others does not seem to be reciprocated. Like others are against me, against me being happy and against me being successful. Then i realized it was only a small few people doing it to me. Eventually, I realized it was a singular motivating others to do it. It led me to realize a cousin of mine did not care for me at all. It turned out to be pure jealousy as he was not able to achieve what I set out t achieve.
Why am i telling you this?? I achieved more than i ever thought I would achieve BECAUSE of how they made me felt years ago.
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I agree with this sentiment.

I have no formal education. I have no real certifications (due to finances again) and no Tertiary education.
I have worked my way to where I am.
If I had listened to the negative directions my family laid out for me, I would have been nowhere and earned next to nothing.
So yes, they might be very well be motivated by their own greed and jealousy.
I own my own Company. It's not successful mind you. I'm working hard to get it there and with the type of work I do it's difficult to get there.
Fact remains that I did this on my own. Without instruction, without direction. Without their motivation.
People are extremely selfish and my own family and so called acquaintances don't even support my Company.
Give me a like or referral.
Will it kill you? Nope. They'd rather not. I'm the Bipolar guy.

Edit: I'm employed as well.
 
|tera| said:
Give me a like or referral.
Will it kill you? Nope. They'd rather not. I'm the Bipolar guy.

Edit: I'm employed as well.
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Nope, it's not because you are the bipolar guy. It's because it might lead you to achieve what they never will.
Do you mind me asking, what does your company offer?
 
Been there. Done that. Got the medal. Still going through it.
You can pm me anytime to chat Tera.....

This sums it up....
f71939cace42f2808480dd0aedd8fb34.jpg
 
Nemus said:
Nope, it's not because you are the bipolar guy. It's because it might lead you to achieve what they never will.
Do you mind me asking, what does your company offer?
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Thank you for redefining my thought process. I'll have to remind myself that it's because I will achieve it and they won't.
My Company is basically classified as a Design Agency. I offer services in Communications as well on request, so I've marketed it more as a Communications Agency,
I'm investing time and effort in Digital Marketing at present and will take it further, because I'm not seeing much interest in South Africa with regards to my Product offerings. I find work via word of mouth and nothing through my online marketing efforts.
 
@|tera|

Can't really comment on what you're going through, but I feel sorry for you.

What makes you happy bro? Tell us?
 
SlinkyMike said:
I haven't read all 5 pages but are you seeing a professional for BPD?

Your illness is a manageable one, get to managing it please.
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Sometimes even seeing a professional can't stop episodes of depression or factors of life occurring.
As you said, you didn't read the thread. So just saying I should get to managing it is highly unfair towards me.
I'm not Iron Man or made out of Metal. I'm fallible and a human being with emotions and feelings.
AdrianH said:
@|tera|
Can't really comment on what you're going through, but I feel sorry for you.

What makes you happy bro? Tell us?
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Thank you. I'd rather not go into it though. I'm content at this stage. I think I'm done with the topic for today.
Thanks for all the support so far.
 
EMAM said:
Been there. Done that. Got the medal. Still going through it.
You can pm me anytime to chat Tera.....

This sums it up....
f71939cace42f2808480dd0aedd8fb34.jpg
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TBH though, from what you've shared here, you have been to hell and back and grown stronger.
Yeah Tera, pm EM here, unless you getting tired from all the pm's :)
 
AdrianH said:
@|tera|

Can't really comment on what you're going through, but I feel sorry for you.

What makes you happy bro? Tell us?
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Haven't given up yet on OP accepting my and it was a really small offer, but that's my problem for another day.
 
|tera| said:
Sometimes even seeing a professional can't stop episodes of depression or factors of life occurring.
As you said, you didn't read the thread. So just saying I should get to managing it is highly unfair towards me.
I'm not Iron Man or made out of Metal. I'm fallible and a human being with emotions and feelings.
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Sure but you are highly emotional right now, perhaps you could just try to turn down the noise a bit by following a simple, logical course of action. You are ill, go see the doc. I gather you are using meds, maybe they need a tweak?
Sometimes just simplifying a thing can really help.
You'll also feel like you have taken solid steps to help yourself which is empowering and can lead to further gains.
 
SlinkyMike said:
Sure but you are highly emotional right now, perhaps you could just try to turn down the noise a bit by following a simple, logical course of action. You are ill, go see the doc. I gather you are using meds, maybe they need a tweak?
Sometimes just simplifying a thing can really help.
You'll also feel like you have taken solid steps to help yourself which is empowering and can lead to further gains.
Click to expand...

Perhaps read the thread before making silly suggestions. Silly suggestions just make you come across as a twat who somehow feels entitled to throw his pointless suggestions in for no apparent reason other than a fear of missing out.

A basic understanding of the subject matter goes a long way too. Or even a rudimentary understanding would help
 
SlinkyMike said:
Sure but you are highly emotional right now, perhaps you could just try to turn down the noise a bit by following a simple, logical course of action. You are ill, go see the doc. I gather you are using meds, maybe they need a tweak?
Sometimes just simplifying a thing can really help.
You'll also feel like you have taken solid steps to help yourself which is empowering and can lead to further gains.
Click to expand...
As I said, you didn't read the thread.
I went to the Doctor last week and they upped the dosage on my meds. I'm increasing specific medication for 2 weeks which is supposed to assist, but this morning (today) was just hell on earth in terms of depression for me. I felt more depressed and suicidal today after the medication change than the day I originally started this thread. I don't intend to be rude. I'm just giving the facts.
 
Tera.

Check your PM's

I messaged you a while back to check how you doing. It took my 15 years to get my BPD under control. I know every single step you busy taking. I know every single hurt, I know every single feeling, every single moment of chaos.

The 1 golden thing that concerned me last time when reading your posts was alcohol. Even a sip will **** you out.

Dude you getting love here on MyBB so keep pushing. With human beings such as ourselves its like running down a mountain, if you try and stop you might fall and get hurt, so just keep running.

Be wary of psychiatrists. In their toolbox they only have a hammer(medication). Seeing so many of them over the years im starting to think they get commission.

I work for myself as well. As for family, its hard and painful. They supposed to be in your corner until the end.

If I may ask, do you excercise? When the walls are caving in and I want to rip people inside out I go for a walk. What do you do?
 
Upping or changing meds isn't always the solution.

I also have BPD, was put on the right meds, etc. My psychiatrist left the country and sold her practice. The first time I saw the new guy, I was fine...... He kept my meds the same. The next time I saw him, I was in a bad space so he decided to take me off the meds and scripted a whole lot of new ones......I never "came right" on the new meds, and, I overdosed 6 weeks later. Obviously it didn't work but I landed up in high care for a week as I fkkd my liver up.

I'm tired of these meds, tbh, and I took myself off them 2 months ago. I'm going through a shyte storm right now (with a stash of pills in my drawer, just waiting ) but, although he anxiety is killing me, I think I'm coping better this time around.
 
EMAM said:
I'm tired of these meds, tbh, and I took myself off them 2 months ago. I'm going through a shyte storm right now (with a stash of pills in my drawer, just waiting ) but, although he anxiety is killing me, I think I'm coping better this time around.
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Wow, just wow. And here I commented on a thread about me giving up smoking and the daily "battle". It's got nothing on this.
 
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