Ready to OD again

[MEIOT]

So to revive this topic. I feel even more depressed than I did this day.
I feel like I'm habitually and intentionally driven to commit suicide by the people in my life.
Am I wrong to perceive things this way?
I'm seriously starting to make plans to end my life. I'm just tired of this ****.

So sorry to hear.

Have you perhaps taken any of the advice offered here? Mostly the advice about trying to get out of the headspace you're in right now? Distancing yourself from places/situations/poephols that's causing you emotional distress?

 

[|tera|]

So sorry to hear.

Have you perhaps taken any of the advice offered here? Mostly the advice about trying to get out of the headspace you're in right now? Distancing yourself places/situations that's causing you emotional distress?

Yes I have. I've actually made a decision to spend more time at work. I'm more depressed here than I thought I would be.
I've also been to my Doctor and had an increase of medication which hasn't seem to help as much as I've hoped it would.
I'm taking the meds up gradually though for the next 2 weeks.
Things are supposed to improve, but the depression is killing me. The people in my life are killing me.
They just give a flying ****, so why should I care at all about being here?

 

[Pitbull]

So I've overdosed in 2016 and 2017 and was promised the moon and stars by my mind, but nothing has changed.

I'm literally in a dead end job where the second half portion of my May salary was only paid out yeesterday.

I can't afford the basics in life and spent all morning at home after refusing to go to work to see if I can get a loan somewhere. Subsequently denied everywhere I tried.

So I guess this is just me telling myself that the last 2 months showed that my life is a mess and there's nothing I can do about it.

I can't turn to family and have no friends in any case. It's just time to let my Bipolar mind kick in amd let go into the void.

Nice to have known you all.
I'm done with this.

NO matter what life throws at you. There is always tomorrow and things do change for the better, then worse again then better. That is life. You need to go through the hard times to appreciate the good times. Then the cycle starts again.

 

[MEIOT]

Yes I have. I've actually made a decision to spend more time at work. I'm more depressed here than I thought I would be.
I've also been to my Doctor and had an increase of medication which hasn't seem to help as much as I've hoped it would.
I'm taking the meds up gradually though for the next 2 weeks.
Things are supposed to improve, but the depression is killing me. The people in my life are killing me.
They just give a flying ****, so why should I care at all about being here?

Forgive me if it sounds as if I may be oversimplifying things - but - wouldn't a complete getaway from it all for a short period not be beneficial in your opinion?
A holiday away - new experiences, new people, new environments.
It sounds like you've gone and immersed yourself in the very things that are bringing you down

 

[|tera|]

NO matter what life throws at you. There is always tomorrow and things do change for the better, then worse again then better. That is life. You need to go through the hard times to appreciate the good times. Then the cycle starts again.

I'm aware of that. I've been alive and been through plenty of hard times to know that. It's not just simple environmental or circumstantial hard times, it's depression and the fact that I can't just wish it away or take control of it. That's why it's called an illness. Can you take hold of a cold or even aids and command it to leave your system and tweak and change it at will? No. Well it's the same with depression.

Forgive me if it sounds as if I may be oversimplifying things - but - wouldn't a complete getaway from it all for a short period not be beneficial in your opinion?
A holiday away - new experiences, new people, new environments.
It sounds like you've gone and immersed yourself in the very things that are bringing you down

My finances don't allow it. I don't even have finances for the basics as I said. My salary hasn't been paid as it should be.

 

[Pitbull]

So to revive this topic. I feel even more depressed than I did this day.
I feel like I'm habitually and intentionally driven to commit suicide by the people in my life.
Am I wrong to perceive things this way?
I'm seriously starting to make plans to end my life. I'm just tired of this ****.

Tera,

Unfortunately it's your headspace that is making you feel this way.

For a second think of the following:
. You have a job, might not be the cushy job you feel you deserve, but you have a job
. Even though you're not rich, you are surviving month after month
. You're still young and have plenty of time to make changes and better yourself and your situation

I'm sure each and everyone of us can sit down and tell you our life stories and you will think, how the fark did you get through it. Perseverance! I can tell you that my wife was unemployed for close to a year. This after a rash decision to quit out of rage. I supported her in her decision, even though I thought it was a bit hot headed. For close to a year, I tried my utmost best to keep up with repayments on everything after we lost about 60% of our income.

We fell into huge debt, trying to keep up with payments and making loans to settle loans and so worth. School fees not being paid, insurance lapsing due to constant unpaid and and and. Were I depressed? Sure, I guess so too my wife. But we had a roof over our heads, and we had food to eat. Maybe just bread some evenings and maybe some friends invited us for dinner or a braai on occasion. We fought through it. Instead of giving up my wife got employment which is 100 times better than the previous employment she had. He salary almost doubled and it took us ages to get back on our feet and credit worthy again.

Giving up is not a solution, fighting through it, winning in the end. Now that is worthwhile! You will be a stronger better person and you will be better of I promise you.

Given this was many years ago. Till today it feels like yesterday al the shyte we went through.

 

[lived666]

Depression sucks, I have no advice but Is there some random act that I can do that will make you feel better?
Anything that will help
please check pm

 

[backstreetboy]

So to revive this topic. I feel even more depressed than I did this day.
I feel like I'm habitually and intentionally driven to commit suicide by the people in my life.
Am I wrong to perceive things this way?
I'm seriously starting to make plans to end my life. I'm just tired of this ****.

You can always commit suicide tomorrow. Just keep putting it off.

 

[Milano]

So to revive this topic. I feel even more depressed than I did this day.
I feel like I'm habitually and intentionally driven to commit suicide by the people in my life.
Am I wrong to perceive things this way?
I'm seriously starting to make plans to end my life. I'm just tired of this ****.

Some people are just fsckers so it's important not to allow those particular peeps to drag you down into their drama.

Other times it can be depression obscuring our perspective or hampering our ability to come across well. So in those instances meds are really important in providing mood/chemical balance to put up with regular daily nonsense that we can usually handle much better on anti-depressants.

Then there is also the need to evaluate our anxiety levels to ensure we are not being driven by anxiety. Sometimes it can be worth investigating a mild non-addictive sedative in consultation with a professional if this is the case. They can help enable daily annoyances to trickle away like water off a duck's back.

 

[SkippyRamirez]

jesus christ. Tera, take comfort in knowing there are people worse off than you. We all have our demons. Either off yourself - preferably without leaving a mess for someone else to clean up, or sort yourself out. At the end of the day it is your choice. If you rely on other people for your mental well being, you're going to be sorely dissapointed.

 

[MEIOT]

My finances don't allow it. I don't even have finances for the basics as I said. My salary hasn't been paid as it should be.

Quitting the things in life that drag you down pushing you toward the neverending void that is death is a better option than quitting life.

I too was in a similar spot years ago, death seemed easier for momentary points during the difficult times.
I realized that the only way up is out - and not out of life - but out of the BS that brought me down.
Quit my job, sold my shite, took a year sabbatical, travelled a bit, gained some perspective.
The only thing that helps sometimes is distancing/divorcing oneself from the things that drag you down.

 

[LazyLion]

I don't see how me sacrificing my entire life for a poor country solves the world's problem's? This must be the most conceited, selfish, obtrusive, aggressive and abusive statement I have heard in my life. I am tera. I am not God.

It's not designed to solve the world's problems. It's about getting you to re-focus on what's really important, and how much you actually really need to survive and thrive. Happiness is found in the unlikeliest of places, but it's usually not found inside of you alone (although you can cultivate your own happiness once you know how it works).
A radical change can be anything, it just involves you doing things that you don't usually do. It puts you in new situations with new people and the new scenarios can trigger feelings and abilities that you never knew you had.

 

[MEIOT]

It's not designed to solve the world's problems. It's about getting you to re-focus on what's really important, and how much you actually really need to survive and thrive. Happiness is found in the unlikeliest of places, but it's usually not found inside of you alone (although you can cultivate your own happiness once you know how it works).
A radical change can be anything, it just involves you doing things that you don't usually do. It puts you in new situations with new people and the new scenarios can trigger feelings and abilities that you never knew you had.

Well said.

 

[LazyLion]

Suicide is a radical action... so if you're willing to consider radical actions, then consider some that are less of an abrupt ending.

Change jobs, take some time off, go away for a while, contact some old friends, visit another country, I dunno... it can be anything.

Obviously your current environment is toxic to you, so get out of the toxic environment. That's all I'm saying.

Look, what do you actually need to survive? some food to eat every day? Maybe some clothes and shelter?
As long as you have those, you can go anywhere and do anything, even if it's for a short time.

Or if you don't want to be so drastic, then stay in your job, but change everything. What you come home to, where you sleep, who you talk to, what you listen to, etc. It may be enought to bring about a new perspective.

 

[Pitbull]

I'm aware of that. I've been alive and been through plenty of hard times to know that. It's not just simple environmental or circumstantial hard times, it's depression and the fact that I can't just wish it away or take control of it. That's why it's called an illness. Can you take hold of a cold or even aids and command it to leave your system and tweak and change it at will? No. Well it's the same with depression.
.

Not denying that. However, you and you alone have the power to take control of that depression. Your thought and feelings might be due to chemical imbalances and so worth. You are however still in control of your thoughts. You need a positive outlook and work towards it.

 

[RedViking]

You sound like a friend of mine. I am not saying you are like him. Except this friend he refuses to get help and drink his meds for bipolar, get himself in financial trouble and blame everyone around him and doesn't help you give him any advise. Also always blame the people around him not realising he is the problem and it can go better if he is not so selfish and actually listen to the advise he has been given. Has to always be someone else that is at fault. The people around him, family, they are always the problem. When he starts blaming me for something or telling me I don't care I just tell him he won't talk to me like that and hang up on him. He only phones me or talks to me when he is in trouble anyways. Or when things go very well, you know, after a promotion or he decided to treat his wife well or he recklessly bought a new car or a house that is gonna get him back into financial trouble.

Me. Me. Me. Blame it on the bipolar. Selfishness comes before the bipolar, so it doesn't help you treat the bipolar but you don't work on the selfishness. You also need help, not only the bipolar. Stop blaming your friends and families and that they are crap. Stop saying they don't care. That is rubbish. Stop lying to yourself. Stop being selfish.

Anyways that is him, my friend. Yes, he is still a friend, I just give him time to sort his crap out before I give him a call and ask how things are going. If he phone me tonight at 1am, I will answer, get in the car and go see how I can help or assist his wife and kids to stay calm or crash somewhere. But if he treats me like crap I would leave as quickly as I got there.

 

[Milano]

So to revive this topic. I feel even more depressed than I did this day.
I feel like I'm habitually and intentionally driven to commit suicide by the people in my life.
Am I wrong to perceive things this way?
I'm seriously starting to make plans to end my life. I'm just tired of this ****.

About 8 or more years ago I was ready to check out. It was a long shot but i gave it another go at trying to find the correct meds that would put my mind in the right space.

Had to accept that I needed to find a way to accept all the nonsense and contradictions that existed in everyday life. Those around me could not all be wrong, they seemed to go on with life fairly oblivious to most things.

 

[Milano]

^ tell you the rest next week

 

[|tera|]

Thanks for the replies. You have motivated me once again to carry on and keep on trying. Thanks to PitBull for the post about your Wife and the struggles you went through, for MEIOT and your consistent hammering that I should change my environment. I don't know how I'll be able to, but I'll try to. Thanks for all the replies. I can't say I'm not depressed, I am, but I'm doing better. Thanks Milano for your short snippet, whatever it means
Thanks for your posts LazyLion. I appreciate your Wisdom.

 

[MEIOT]

Thanks for the replies. You have motivated me once again to carry on and keep on trying. Thanks to PitBull for the post about your Wife and the struggles you went through, for MEIOT and your consistent hammering that I should change my environment. I don't know how I'll be able to, but I'll try to. Thanks for all the replies. I can't say I'm not depressed, I am, but I'm doing better. Thanks Milano for your short snippet, whatever it means
Thanks for your posts LazyLion. I appreciate your Wisdom.

Stay strong - at your lowest of lows - there's nowhere but up.