Ready to OD again

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A friend of mine committed suicide a few years ago. It solved all of his problems in 1 go, but created chaos amongst his family and friends which is still prevalent today.

You are more loved than you realise. Just reach out and open up a little.
 
tera dude...

Your headspace is all a mess obviously... Are you still in Nelspruit (if memory serves me correctly thats where you were)... if so, my first suggestion is to just start looking further afield, move to a bigger city, take some risks on the employment front.
 
OP get help, NOW, preferably professional help. Otherwise just talk to someone, anyone...

Support services
Here are some additional helplines to store in your phonebook or pass on to a friend or relative who may need it:
Adcock Ingram Depression and Anxiety Helpline
0800 70 80 90
Suicide Crisis Line (and for a suicidal emergency)
0800 567 567 or SMS 31393
Pharmadynamics Police &Trauma Line
0800 20 50 26
Destiny Helpline for Youth & Students
0800 41 42 43
ADHD Helpline
0800 55 44 33
Department of Social Development Substance Abuse Line 24hr helpline
0800 12 13 14
SMS 32312
SADAG Mental Health Line
011 234 4837
011 234 8182

Akeso Psychiatric Response Unit 24 Hour
0861 435 787
Find a Support Group in your area
0800 21 22 23
Click to expand...

http://www.marieclaire.co.za/lifestyle/health-fitness/mental-heath-resources-south-africa-access

Who To Contact
Seeking help to deal with suicidal feelings isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a proactive step towards turning your life around, so contact someone to give you the help you need.
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 12 13 14
Click to expand...

http://www.lifelinejhb.org.za/Suicide.ashx

Call them, it's free
 
I'm not using an anti depressant, but I've been struggling with severe deppression for a while this year, since the passing of a friend. We weren't close friends, but it effected my mind somehow and changed my state of well being. I'm going to find out if I need an anti depressant when I see the doctor again, since I'm currently only on mood stabilisers and anti psychotics.
 
ToxicBunny said:
tera dude...

Your headspace is all a mess obviously... Are you still in Nelspruit (if memory serves me correctly thats where you were)... if so, my first suggestion is to just start looking further afield, move to a bigger city, take some risks on the employment front.
Click to expand...
Hi ToxicBunny.

No I'm still in Mpumalanga though.
I've got a plan of progress ahead that I'd like to follow. Currently finances and circumstances are a factor.

Today was just a low point for me.

I basically had to start my life over from scratch when I overdosed in 2017. I lost everything.

No job, home etc.

I've come a long way.
 
|tera| said:
Hi ToxicBunny.

No I'm still in Mpumalanga though.
I've got a plan of progress ahead that I'd like to follow. Currently finances and circumstances are a factor.

Today was just a low point for me.

I basically had to start my life over from scratch when I overdosed in 2017. I lost everything.

No job, home etc.

I've come a long way.
Click to expand...

Then you have lots to be proud of, even though the world seem shyte around you right now.

You've managed to rebuild your life to a degree in less than 2 years. That is a hell of an achievement.

Are you still in the IT space though? I can't see that industry being all that lucrative long term in Mpumalanga.
 
Make some radical life changes.
Go and live in another country worse off than us, and help them survive.
Many of them want to live...
 
I feel your pain and please don't do anything you will regret! The problem with suicide and overdosing is the reality of it not working out in your favor and being left brain dead or with some sort of disability or even a new medical condition! Depression is a nasty thing and Bipolar. I can honestly relate as I have also felt extremely suicidal this year. I have also had a rough year mentally and got worse as the days passed. I also felt hopeless and so suicidal I had already planned my exit out of this earth. But then reality kicked in with me. Everyone is different and not everything works from everyone.

The only suggestions I can make is try your best to change your thoughts. Notice where your mind wanders and try push those bad thoughts out. Tell yourself I am happy and I love myself even if you do not mean it! At first it will be difficult and seem so stupid but its worth a try. Write your feelings down and try see what triggers these toxic thoughts. I know money is an issue for you at the moment but try not focus on what you do not have but what you do have. Yeah I know when I was told this I though WFT man and thought it was really stupid. But in desperation I tried and it kinda worked in a way. Be thankful for what you have even if it is not much. It may be more that the disabled begger down your road that has nothing but the clothes on his back and no roof over his head. I know it seems like it wont help at the time but try see that. Main thing is to try stay positive (I'm a negative Nancy) even though you are not. In time by repeating affirmations and sweeping away bad thoughts in your mind you will eventually find the bad thoughts become less. Go into a garden or park barefoot and feel the earth, stare at the trees and smell the air.

If you have someone to speak to try talk to them about how you feel deep down inside. Make a diary of your moods and thoughts. I know it all seems like bull, I was the same. I am a very angry negative person and get really depressed and suicidal if things don't go my way. It gets better trust me, just keep your head high. For me talking really helped and you need to speak to someone with no judgement and someone that will not tell you that you should not feel this way (depressed people know that already and when I hear that it just infuriates me more).

If you want to chat drop me a DM. Its not nice to feel like you alone in this world. I felt that way when my mom died. She was my only friend in this world that never judged me. I had a real traumatic child hood and a extremely bad and toxic relationship with the father of my child. But I got through it and you can too!!!
 
@SpliceGold speaks much sense...

I did the "go into the garden" thing a few months ago... took a "mental health" day effectively and fscked off down the South Coast and just sat on a bench at the beach and read my book for a few hours and just chilled out.... felt a million times better after that, that I've decided I will do a similar thing every 6 months or so even if things aren't seeming that bad...
 
LazyLion said:
Make some radical life changes.
Go and live in another country worse off than us, and help them survive.
Many of them want to live...
Click to expand...
I don't see how me sacrificing my entire life for a poor country solves the world's problem's? This must be the most conceited, selfish, obtrusive, aggressive and abusive statement I have heard in my life. I am tera. I am not God.
 
|tera| said:
I don't see how me sacrificing my entire life for a poor country solves the world's problem's? This must be the most conceited, selfish, obtrusive, aggressive and abusive statement I have heard in my life. I am tera. I am not God.
Click to expand...

Don't let what other say upset you. Its hard I know, I also get super offended and angry when people say things to me that I do not believe in or agree upon. That is my fault and its really hard to not get upset but they do not matter and never will in your hologram.

Most people do not understand how to deal with a depressed/suicidal person. I think what they are trying to say that there are some really poor worse off people out there living in terrible conditions that still have that drive and will to live. Some not so. Some of the wealthiest people out there can also be suicidal and depressed. It really has nothing to do with money, its in our heads. It is how we have been programmed and what we have experienced in our lives that determine ones ways and thought patterns. And greed, humans are greedy creatures and always want more than they have.

A bit off topic there but my point is there will be nasty people out there that will tell you things you do not want to hear. Don't let them control how you feel by reacting the way they expect you too. You are the driver of your own bus (thoughts and feelings).
 
No need to panic yet.

Try a change of scenery. Many people have gone thru the same crap as you to be honest. Its not called bipolar but well its life. Maybe change it up a bit. I can tell you all about sucky jobs. I used to work at a large corporate in SA. The job sucked, the pay sucked, it was rated as one of the best companies to work for, but that was all smokescreen and lies. I had a manager who never met me for performance, studies etc. Totally sucked.

So one day I just quit. Encrypted all my stuff and work and left. Gave them the encryption passwords but not how to decrypt. I went abroad. Slaved away in a few countries and finally settled where I did. Now still have a boss thats not great but she is ok. She is investing a lot more in me and I now do my work more for fum than for income.

I have a friend that worked 6 months and backpacked 6 months. She said some days were hungry and tired days but she got to see the world about 2x over already. And i mean every continent.

So rather than nag and complain. Be crazy either quit and take some tutor jobs abroad, or go on linkedin and update your profile and apply for anything abroad. Change ure scenery.

And stop the drugs. Sure they make u feel better. But in the long run its all in your mind.
 
Firstly, I consider myself lucky, to only suffer from some anxiety and the odd bout of depression from time to time.
Secondly, I am no professional, psychologist, therapist and can only off my insight from dealing with myself, some family members and friends.

I can't add much to what has already been said but suicide is simply not worth it nor is it a solution. You are worth more than you think, you are loved more than you think, you are cared about more than you think and you matter more than you think. Chin up, eyes forward, one foot in front of the other...
 
Have you ever seen "the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy?" Maybe you should. It helps you deal with some idiots. Also i love the start where they are ready to plough down his solitary house in an huge open field just because Britain needs highways. And then the alien demolition arrives to blow up earth because they need a highway in space too. (And the president of the galaxy signed the destruction of earth with love and kisses - he thought they wanted his fan signature).

It makes you think that maybe you only see what you want to see and there may be a bigger picture.

I know of many people who was almost homeless if not homeless and sleeping on friends' couches who are now big managers and CEOs. Just they decided to change the status quo.
 
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