Ready to OD again

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RedViking said:
Talk about your issues and share what you are going through. But don't leave a suicide note and then just disappear. That is not fair and selfish in a way.
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I couldn't talk about it. My mind didn't function in discussion mode. I had thoughts of giving up on life because everything was just too much. It was like a waterfall of negative emotions. I'm truthful if I say the last thing on my mind was to talk about it.

I made plans to OD tonight. I had work lined up to bring some cash in for me. I didn't go for it because I made excuses to be at home tonight.
I told my lift not to pick me up for work tomorrow.

I've OD'd twice since 2016.
This isn't attention seeking.

It's a saga of a machine breaking down.
 
|tera| said:
I couldn't talk about it. My mind didn't function in discussion mode. I had thoughts of giving up on life because everything was just too much. It was like a waterfall of negative emotions. I'm truthful if I say the last thing on my mind was to talk about it.

I made plans to OD tonight. I had work lined up to bring some cash in for me. I didn't go for it because I made excuses to be at home tonight.
I told my lift not to pick me up for work tomorrow.

I've OD'd twice since 2016.
This isn't attention seeking.

It's a saga of a machine breaking down.
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Waterfall is a very apt metaphor. You were beneath the Niagara falls while some assume a glass of water was poured over your head. Never give up. Always reach out. You are not alone.
 
Steamy Tom said:
imo you need to work through this mentality, we like to make victims of ourselves, i myself do it also.

I suffer from depression to an extent, I haven't been diagnosed per say but I know I do, and I have a friend that seems exactly like i perceive you. You don't need to prove **** to anyone, stop letting it define you, why do you feel the need to prove to others how "sick" you are? I am not saying you don't suffer, beleive me I beleive you suffer, but stop letting yourself suffer for the sake of your illness.
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I agree that I'm doing a lot wrong. Believe me. I know it. I'm frustrated at a lot of things and can't always sort it out. This is normal. I understand. All the advice and directions I've received here so far is appreciated.

I am receiving professional help. Clearly something is stil wrong and not working as it should and this needs to be resolved.
It's emotional. Psychological and physical when it comes to my mind.

I can't always decide the correct choices. I can't always articulate what should be said. I'm far from perfect. I do however have the ability to change and improve.
Jings said:
Hey @|tera|, I want you to know how important you are to this world. Don't let problems bring you down, know you can get through this hard time in your life.

Tell yourself things will get better. Keep positive and know you can always try and never give up. Know you can do it.

Know that things in life happen for a reason and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Fight for your dreams. Think about how you want to overcome your frustrations and focus on your potential for happiness. If you end your journey too soon that potential remains unfulfilled.
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Thank you Jings.
Your message means very much to me.
I appreciate it.
I hope my mind could work like your words suggest.
 
I believe some people are meant to be here and others not. By random chance.
Some of us are born in bad circumstances, others born with bad circumstances and some creating bad circumstnces.
Some of us are strong others weak, in good or bad circumstances.
Born with or develop bad/good health.
Some clock in and stay others clock out.
If you ended up in the bad side and want to clock out, I say its inevitable. Go for it.
But if you want to live a battle for the rest of your life with minimal moments of happiness and content, by all means, stay.
Either way, I dont give a **** and this is not the place to cry loser help and support me. There's better avenues
 
LD50 said:
I believe some people are meant to be here and others not. By random chance.
Some of us are born in bad circumstances, others born with bad circumstances and some creating bad circumstnces.
Some of us are strong others weak, in good or bad circumstances.
Born with or develop bad/good health.
Some clock in and stay others clock out.
If you ended up in the bad side and want to clock out, I say its inevitable. Go for it.
But if you want to live a battle for the rest of your life with minimal moments of happiness and content, by all means, stay.
Either way, I dont give a **** and this is not the place to cry loser help and support me. There's better avenues
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Wow. So nu-metal of you.
Please go read your Rolling Stones magazine and stay out of my life. Because I really can't recall asking for your negative opinion.
 
pinball wizard said:
You're not a machine you ****ing cocktonsil.

Get to the point or get to the point already. This is just pathetic.
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Swear at me all you like. If you can't take the time to read tbe comments it's not my issue.
 
|tera| said:
Wow. So nu-metal of you.
Please go read your Rolling Stones magazine and stay out of my life. Because I really can't recall asking for your negative opinion.
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I'm not stupid. You are clearly unfortunate with having a mental disorder or 2. Probably a struggle over the years with getting the right meds, as far as right goes.
Im not bathing myself here in your misery tera. Im saying youve been handed a raw deal. What, is your life easy going? No!!!, it is ****.
Option 1. Stay around with this **** life, at least its a life
Option 2. Leave
But looking for constant attention to your **** life card on a forum is silly
You said you are getting pro. help....stick with that.
 
LD50 said:
I'm not stupid. You are clearly unfortunate with having a mental disorder or 2. Probably a struggle over the years with getting the right meds, as far as right goes.
Im not bathing myself here in your misery tera. Im saying youve been handed a raw deal. What, is your life easy going? No!!!, it is ****.
Option 1. Stay around with this **** life, at least its a life
Option 2. Leave
But looking for constant attention to your **** life card on a forum is silly
You said you are getting pro. help....stick with that.
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I would love option 2. It just didn't work out as expected.

Anyway. I can't refute what you said.
I am however not seeking attention.
Just screaming for help when I feel like it's the end for me.
The rest is pretty much correct.
Also. Did you hear? I became someone's buddy today. Now that person is the buddy of a cocktonsil. Lol
 
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