Relationship Warning Signs/ Second Chances

Yes. But love is blind. And if you can't look past anyone's mistakes (or fault) then you'll be forever alone. So if the pro's out-weigh's the con's and you can live with it, why not.

Personally, I've been in a relationship with warning signs, but you don't immediately get to know that person THAT well right in the beginning, and as I've noticed, if the other person wants to "put their best foot forward" to not scare you away, it becomes difficult to actually get to know the "Real" them. This is where I feel I excel because I can pick up "who you are" pretty early on and decide for myself if it's worth the effort or not.

But like I said, if you can live with their (annoying habit perhaps?) and the pro's out-weigh the con's. Why not. You won't ever find the perfect person, all you can do is accept and love them for who they are. Giving the benefit of the doubt to them to be able to change (and want to change) and learn from their past without interfering or asking them to change for you is key and you need to allow them to do that if they'd like to.

Example, my ex told me about her previous relationships (I'm a big boy, I don't get an ego over the amount of guys she's been with previously, in fact, I get curious and start asking details, hell, it even puts me "in the mood", lol but thats me)

And one of the ones she cheated on her boyfriend. Which doesn't sit well with me at all. but i accepted her explanation and honesty... until she cheated on me emotionally...
 
Yup.

I won't comment though, my exes lurk here ... ;)
 
Lush,

I would say it all depends on what this "feeling" is. Did you just meet the guy a few times and have this gut feeling something is not 100% as it seems. Or do you have a real creepy feeling and the signs are there in bright bold letters that everything aint as it seems?

It sounds like more or less the same thing bit it's not.

eg:

He comes to visit and keeps watching his watch to check the time and then tells you he needs to go home and feed the cat.

or

Does he visit and all is fine but refuses to have you go through his phone, takes calls in private. Hides things from you when you enter his car or over all just looks suspecious
 
Hey,

My wife was a 1 night stand while I was still in a relationship.

I realized later down the road that she was in actual fact the woman for me. The scenario might be little different but we worked together back then and saw each other every day after the 1 night stand. Was odd in the beginning but it worked out fine in the end.

I'll be honest and say you where not with this guy when he had the 1 night stand. Which in essence doesn’t make him a bad guy (a 1 night stand takes 2 people, it's not like he drugged her or anything) This doesn't mean he will not be 100% committed to your relationship should you 2 have one.

I think it's a little premature to expect someone to have a clean record the older you get. I don't know your age so I'll just assume your mid 20's and if so the odds of getting someone with little to no history = ZERO.

I won't blow this guy off because of that. But I would throw caution to the wind though and take it very slowly.
 
Lush said:
Thanks Pitbull. I'm only 22 so I do still have high hopes :o

So glad that you and your wife worked out! At least you know that the attraction was most certainly there from the start! At least it all worked out for the best, probably helped that you were forced to see each other everyday ;)

Yes, I was not with him but he was going out of his way to make me think he was in love with me. In actual fact, the night he did he did it he told me he loved me for the first time :confused: I'm not a fan of these sorts of boys who say one thing and then do another :/

When I found out I was speechless, last thing I expected. He kept it a secret for over 2 months and broke down when he ultimately told me. His tears didn't mean much but I was glad to hear he regretted it at least.

This is by far the most 'scandalous' relationship I've been a part of, makes all the other guys I've liked look like first grade infatuations :o

I'm not a fan of complications early on in a relationship, aren't the first few weeks/months supposed to be the easiest and most fun? Don't think I'm strong enough to forgive this type of thing. Or even that I want to be the sort of girl who can...
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:eek:

Ok that is the big bold red letters right there.

If he really loved you he would not have had that 1 night stand then. This does change the picture a bit.

Since you're only 22 you can still find lots of nice guys, just need to look for them a bit harder than you did when you where 16 :)
 
Lush said:
You meet someone and discover you are attracted to this person. You get to know each other and you are excited by what this person has to offer. You click instantly. There is chemistry and you decide to pursue it. But there might be something a little off about them that makes you stop and reconsider... :rolleyes:
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The only thing that would strike me as off and make me reconsider is:
- Does she have 3 boobs?
- Is she a Lady Gaga clone and comes with a penis?

Otherwise pursue it and if it works out then great, if not then hard luck. You can't know for sure if you don't try.
 
Lush said:
I know... he was drunk when he said it but still... He called and told me and it turns out she was in the same room at the time. Weird but each to their own...

First time I've ever had a guy play me, first time for everything I suppose!

Yes you're right, it's just hard to meet a guy who's not trying to grab my arse the first time I meet him :o Never had a problem meeting boys, it's just that the good ones are often so shy that it's difficult to tell where you stand! :o F, where are all the good guys hiding?

Shot for the advice! ;)
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I'm in no way saying you should not give this guy a chance. But maybe if you really want to find more stand up guys I suggest you do it outside of the cities. Small towns are great for meeting men with high morals. I feel like a devil when I meet people from these small towns :D
 
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Lush said:
Ya think? :rolleyes:

It always shocks me how clear certain things become when you write them down...

Been keeping this to myself for like 2 months now :o
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True.

Glad you got it off your chest, now you can go and have yourself a excellent weekend!
 
Lush said:
haha I have never been on a man hunt before :o I usually just wait til he walks into my life ;) Have never been disappointed until now

But at the moment I do feel like I'm meeting the same guy over and over again...
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Best advice I can give.

Take a week holiday just by yourself and go somewhere quite and remote. You are sure to run into 1 or 2 guys and even just develop a friendship but you will have not lost anything just gained. Think about it, a week holiday and 1 or 2 new friends. Sounds awesome :)
 
Erm, your posts are weird, Lush. First, you mention how you always go for the good guys, then you ask where are the good ones hiding. If you get the good guys, why do you let them go?

I'm not attacking you, just curious...
 
Nocturnity said:
Erm, your posts are weird, Lush. First, you mention how you always go for the good guys, then you ask where are the good ones hiding. If you get the good guys, why do you let them go?

I'm not attacking you, just curious...
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Just a guess but I have seen heavy Church kind of guys turn into Bad guys at around 22+ Might just be a case of good guys gone wrong ?
 
Pitbull said:
Small towns are great for meeting men with high morals. I feel like a devil when I meet people from these small towns :D
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What's up with city people anyway? I honestly do find people in smaller places nicer and more upstanding if I could put it that way. Farming communities are probably the best.
 
In my case the warning signs mounted up like crazy.

Nothing in common was already bag.
Sex went from all the time to begging within 2 years another huge sign
After the 3rd year we always broke up got back together like 5 times in the next 4 years another huge sign i missed.
The biggest sign i missed and the most important one was the sex Seemed forced and awkward for my entire 8 year stink, we never had sexual chemistry and for me i should have walked away in the first year as i knew if the sex is great and seems easy you have a winner, if it seems like a chore and she never seems up for it there is a problem.

Why we stayed together for 8 years is beyond me. Glad it is finally done though.

The worst thing for me that drove me mad was let's say it was friday and we had nothing to do, there is no way in hell sex was on her mind. Even if the weekend came the last thing on her mind was sex, it was what movie we going, who we seeing. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hated that. Felt like she was my best mate and not my partner of like 6-8 years
 
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Lush said:
I cannot stand it when some guys do this... They get their heart broken then as soon as their hearts start healing they decide they're gona toughen up and treat girls as badly as they were treated.

They're ultimately just shooting themselves in the foot :( Why let some girl who broke your heart dictate the way you handle your next relationships? If she stuffed up, forget about her. There are some beautiful girls out there just waiting for you
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I personally think it's a way these guys try and protect themselves from getting hurt again. Opening up 100% and leaving their hearts vulnerable is something I think men will only allow once in their lives. But this goes for woman too ;)
 
Pitbull said:
I personally think it's a way these guys try and protect themselves from getting hurt again. Opening up 100% and leaving their hearts vulnerable is something I think men will only allow once in their lives. But this goes for woman too ;)
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I think you are right, you become cautious after that and ultimately you **** yourself over.
 
killadoob said:
In my case the warning signs mounted up like crazy.

Nothing in common was already bag.
Sex went from all the time to begging within 2 years another huge sign
After the 3rd year we always broke up got back together like 5 times in the next 4 years another huge sign i missed.
The biggest sign i missed and the most important one was the sex Seemed forced and awkward for my entire 8 year stink, we never had sexual chemistry and for me i should have walked away in the first year as i knew if the sex is great and seems easy you have a winner, if it seems like a chore and she never seems up for it there is a problem.

Why we stayed together for 8 years is beyond me. Glad it is finally done though.

The worst thing for me that drove me mad was let's say it was friday and we had nothing to do, there is no way in hell sex was on her mind. Even if the weekend came the last thing on her mind was sex, it was what movie we going, who we seeing. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hated that. Felt like she was my best mate and not my partner of like 6-8 years
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This my friend is called life :D

Every relationship reaches maturity at some point in life and I would say from experience that it's around 4-5 years. This is where you become best friends with benefits. Sure sex goes down from 3 times daily to about 3 times monthly in worst cases. But relationships aren't all about sex. Gets even worse when you have kids. The 2 of you will hardly ever find time for yourselves unless you actually make time. I can say I'm currently with my wife for ages and sure that initial lust is gone and we're more like best friends with benefits. But it's something we have both accepted and we have a wonderful relationship because of it.

Sure we have our fall outs like when I want to go fishing :D

But each and every relationship you will be in for longer than 4-5 years is bound to turn into a friendship with benefits.

Let me try and define it in my own words:

0 - 4 years: "In-love", you 2 can't think of anything other than the other person. Sex is very high on both your lists and so is spending as much time together as you can

4+ years: Love, this is where you are the best friends in the world, you can tell each other anything and the Lust part is gone. But you are very dependent on each other’s support and friendship more than anything else. You support her in each and every way she needs you to and you do the same for her. And sex obviously still happens but just being there for each other is a little higher on the priority list.

Just make sure you make best of that odd sexual streak and enjoy :p
 
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