Sexual performance anxiety

STS said:
dude, there is a number of things it could be. it is psychological obviously as you have no problem doing it when you're alone.

1.) The sex may be different to the sex you had with your ex and it throws you off
2.) Something in the current moment is making you afraid when you have sex, which is probably still connected to your ex
3.) It's unrelated to your ex, and it starts out fine but you can't keep the sexiness going.

I read that she doesn't go down on you, but how long do you guys actually touch/fondle/foreplay? People differ, but the longer you go, i dont know about you, but i reach a point of no return where I HAVE to have sex, be it with the girl or Mrs. Palmer.

It's highly likely that you also care about her and don't see what you'r doing as natural.

Since i've been divorced I could have had sex on 3 occasions, but I've turned them all down because of ex issues(and maybe one because it was offered in a parking lot). but you don't realise how much your past experiences affect your relationships now.

you will find something that works, you can try different things and it's awesome that you found a chick that understands and digs you
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With my previous girl I got that "point of no return" feeling, with the new girl, no way, I'll get it up all the way, but as soon as the nerves kick in, I kid you not it takes about 10-30 seconds to get me back to square one:erm: And once I'm there I can't get it back up


Ex issues?? Yeah i've considered this as well, but what exactly it is I don't know, I never want to be with the ex again, but still miss her like crazy (but thats normal after being with a girl for that long)

Edit: And as for the "how long do you keep going with foreplay" question, after my first failed attempt, my main aim has been to get the deed over and done with ASAP, so to answer your question, NOT long, just want to get the first time with her behind me because I know I'll be able to calm the **** down then....But yeah I see now that rushing it might have been a bit of a problem as well:erm:
 
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PerfAnx said:
With my previous girl I got that "point of no return" feeling, with the new girl, no way, I'll get it up all the way, but as soon as the nerves kick in, I kid you not it takes about 10-30 seconds to get me back to square one:erm: And once I'm there I can't get it back up


Ex issues?? Yeah i've considered this as well, but what exactly it is I don't know, I never want to be with the ex again, but still miss her like crazy (but thats normal after being with a girl for that long)

Edit: And as for the "how long do you keep going with foreplay" question, after my first failed attempt, my main aim has been to get the deed over and done with ASAP, so to answer your question, NOT long, just want to get the first time with her behind me because I know I'll be able to calm the **** down then....But yeah I see now that rushing it might have been a bit of a problem as well:erm:
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i know that feelign too, which means that the sex is being interrupted by something. an example is that you're having sex and she all of a sudden gets hurt, then your erection will disappear as instead of aroused you will become nurturing and sympathetic. so it is absolutely something that happens during the sexual act then.

the only way it can be due to ex issues then is if you have expectations or you want the sex to be a certain way, but if you can get it up and you lose it then there is something happening during sex itself, be it that there is too much of a delay, you're both nervous, you feel like you may be doing something wrong or she may not be showing you how much she is enjoying it. even laughing and giggling during sex, while it is nice, can sometimes throw you off, some people focus solely on one thing and that is getting an orgasm.

you've pleased women before, so you KNOW you can do it. i think you just need a bit of confidence and to be more comfortable, because when you're confident you can take your time, KNOWING that you'll give her an orgasm. the longer you pospone sex and put in foreplay, the easier it is going to be for her to orgasm when you eventually do have sex. even teasing her down there helps, when she is fully lubricated the smell also turns you on and makes it harder for you to turn away from sex.

you can discuss this anyway with her that you like, but don't explain all of this to her i think. tell her you think ou've foudn the problem and you'd like to try something, and then foreplay with her to the verge of an orgasm. once you know you can please her then you won't be very self-concious
 
FNfal said:
Slootvreter
So you tried it ?? the real thing of the counterfeit one ??
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Both. You get various types of Chinese tablets and pills. If a gimmick like horny goat weed works for you, then you can spell "placebo" with no difficulty :p

Viagra (I used the Kamagra Gold, 'generic' version) does wonders. You do need to be aroused though, although even the thought of maybe getting some should sent the blood flowing.
 
STS said:
i know that feelign too, which means that the sex is being interrupted by something. an example is that you're having sex and she all of a sudden gets hurt, then your erection will disappear as instead of aroused you will become nurturing and sympathetic. so it is absolutely something that happens during the sexual act then.

the only way it can be due to ex issues then is if you have expectations or you want the sex to be a certain way, but if you can get it up and you lose it then there is something happening during sex itself, be it that there is too much of a delay, you're both nervous, you feel like you may be doing something wrong or she may not be showing you how much she is enjoying it. even laughing and giggling during sex, while it is nice, can sometimes throw you off, some people focus solely on one thing and that is getting an orgasm.

you've pleased women before, so you KNOW you can do it. i think you just need a bit of confidence and to be more comfortable, because when you're confident you can take your time, KNOWING that you'll give her an orgasm. the longer you pospone sex and put in foreplay, the easier it is going to be for her to orgasm when you eventually do have sex. even teasing her down there helps, when she is fully lubricated the smell also turns you on and makes it harder for you to turn away from sex.

you can discuss this anyway with her that you like, but don't explain all of this to her i think. tell her you think ou've foudn the problem and you'd like to try something, and then foreplay with her to the verge of an orgasm. once you know you can please her then you won't be very self-concious
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Thanks for this, excellent post!! now stop giving yourself advice:p
 
The thing is, he is so used to his ex that I still say it's a comfort thing. You're afraid. Plain and simple. Afraid of what? No idea. My fear is usually forgetting how to put it in :p But even when I struggle with that or the condom (worst fear hey) the partner is what is all about. I've found 99% of the times they'll help and it's not necessary to be afraid.

Don't stop the foreplay though. If you make her your center and forget about your one-eyed-snake, all will be well. It's a new relationship, so take things slow, use your mind to make her orgasm and forget about YOUR fears.

If sex like that is important to you its important not to try and rush things just because. If she's worth it then she won't mind working through it.
 
Lol this chick is gonna start thinking he's just not into her and then she's off :D
 
Okay another failed attempt, God I'm at a all time low with this **** now, my mind is totally ****ed:(:erm:
 
What advice did you use from this thread before this latest attempt? Dude, it's all in the mind, get that blue pill I'm sure you can even get a script if you beg your doc
 
R13... said:
What advice did you use from this thread before this latest attempt? Dude, it's all in the mind, get that blue pill I'm sure you can even get a script if you beg your doc
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A little bit of everything I suppose, tried to slow it down, tried to not give up once the anxiety kicks in, tried to focus on her more and forget about myself (got her to orgasm twice this time with foreplay), but once its down its down, takes a good couple of hours for my motivation to recover afterwards, so the pushing through feels kinda useless, and the advice most people give "try not to think about it" seems to be the least effective, thats like me telling you NOT to think about elephants, what are you thinking about??pills seem like the only option now till I manage to calm my nerves with this chick, only wish I got them before the ****ing weekend:erm
 
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PerfAnx said:
A little bit of everything I suppose, tried to slow it down, tried to not give up once the anxiety kicks in, tried to focus on her more and forget about myself (got her to orgasm twice this time with foreplay), but once its down its down, takes a good couple of hours for my motivation to recover afterwards, so the pushing through feels kinda useless, pills seem like the only option now, only wish I got them before the ****ing weekend:erm:
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No fellatio then?
 
Dude the advice was to think you a boss and you are going bone to her broken, did you try that? You cannot stop thinking about it.

Anyways bro it is becoming pretty bad, for now i cannot help with the viagra, next week or the 14th not sure when he is back but go to clicks if you can and buy maximor, 150 rand but it will help 4 tablets. Not amazing but it will get you hard. Try that if that doesn't work pm me and we can get you something that will allow you to bang her for very long and your thoughts cannot stop it.

You can still go to clicks and get maximor, even dischem sells em. They work pretty well.

Bio is asking a good question :D, would be interested to know if she sucked your lolly pop. Maybe her finger in your bum hole could ignite something :p
 
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killadoob said:
Dude the advice was to think you a boss and you are going bone to her broken, did you try that? You cannot stop thinking about it.

Anyways bro it is becoming pretty bad, for now i cannot help with the viagra, next week or the 14th not sure when he is back but go to clicks if you can and buy maximor, 150 rand but it will help 4 tablets. Not amazing but it will get you hard. Try that if that doesn't work pm me and we can get you something that will allow you to bang her for very long and your thoughts cannot stop it.

You can still go to clicks and get maximor, even dischem sells em. They work pretty well.

Bio is asking a good question :D, would be interested to know if she sucked your lolly pop. Maybe her finger in your bum hole could ignite something :p
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Yeah the advice you gave is a state of mind I just can't keep myself in for very long, its getting really bad, and I spoke to her before she came over and told her "listen when I get nervous I'm not going to be able to think myself into a full boner" dunno if this put pressure on her or what, but apart from sitting on top of me she did nothing:erm:

Killa I'm gonna send you a PM:p

Edit: Will I find maximor on the shelf, or do I have to ask the pharmacist?
 
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