Single mom & dating

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Cheri_N said:
Ah, now that explains everything...

Thanks for all the info guys - I haven't had sex with him (yet) - taking it slow - seeing where it will lead. He does treat my son well and he has a daughter (6 y/o) from his previous marriage, so maybe, maybe I don't need to worry too much.
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Its a tough one to answer as we can share our experiences but its up to you to decide in the end.

After my divorce I got involved with a single mom. We had an awesome relationship (started off as friends) but I pulled the plug when I realised it was not about her & me but rather that I was a father figure for her two sons.

A year latter this happened once again. A close friend wanted to get closer as her son started to see me as a father figure.

Now it might sound like I'm saying your doomed, but my first girlfriend is now married. When she met her husband to be she managed to keep her kids out of the relationship till she realised she loved him for who he is and not as a father-figure for her kids. They are still extremely happy after 7yrs of marriage.

My second friend is now in a relationship with a guy she does not love but who her son adores. She is not happy but says that she would rather live like this than be single and lonely again.


* My daughter lives with her mom and that is why it was easier to marry someone who I loved and not be influenced by how she felt and treated my daughter.
 
Yes, in a way I am looking for a father figure for my kid. His father abandoned him when he was 18 months old and has not seen him since. I do think that he deserves a father that will love him and accept him. But that said, it is also about me. I want someone in my life. I have been on my own now for a while and I miss being in a relationship. I will always put my son first - if the guy I am dating is in any way nasty to him then it is bye bye. I am not desperate - I went to modelling school and don't have a bad face or body but I am lonely. Does this make sense? And another thing, I will be 30 next year - it is time to settle down :whistle:
 
I will also not date a single mom, the reason being that the kid will get used to you, and when things go bad and you break up (which is likely to happen), the kid's life is disrupted again. (depending on the age of the kid).
 
Cheri_N said:
I will always put my son first - And another thing, I will be 30 next year
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If the relationship works out and you end up married then DON'T put your kid first thereafter. BEEG mistake and the main reason why a lot of marriages go south. However until you tie the know, put the kid first within reason. Remember the kid will be the most stable when they realise that Mom is loved.

Slootvreter said:
I will also not date a single mom, the reason being that the kid will get used to you, and when things go bad and you break up (which is likely to happen), the kid's life is disrupted again. (depending on the age of the kid).
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If you're about the same age as the OP, then it wont take you three years to work out if this person is marriage material. If you're just dating for the sex then you're wasting her time anyway.
 
hilton said:
If you're about the same age as the OP, then it wont take you three years to work out if this person is marriage material. If you're just dating for the sex then you're wasting her time anyway.
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Yeah but that's not what I'm talking about. Things can go bad regardless of the person being marriage material.
 
hilton said:
If the relationship works out and you end up married then DON'T put your kid first thereafter. BEEG mistake and the main reason why a lot of marriages go south. However until you tie the know, put the kid first within reason. Remember the kid will be the most stable when they realise that Mom is loved.

If you're about the same age as the OP, then it wont take you three years to work out if this person is marriage material. If you're just dating for the sex then you're wasting her time anyway.
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Don't get me wrong... after 16 months of celibacy I do want sex... :p

No, Hilton you're right. If I end up marrying someone that I deemed good enough to be a father to my child then I will not always take my son's side above him. I just meant that if he is unfair to my child or wants me to choose him over my son or never include my child in any outings etc then it is good bye. I realise that the relationship between a man and woman needs constant attention and that there needs to be alone time too. Hopefully if things work out I want him to be an "equal parent" in the upbringing of my son.
 
I'd maybe do a single mom a few times, but nothing serious. I'm too young for that.
 
I just saw that he has a kid as well. But had to give a typical male reply as that is seriously how most men sum up their women. Both having a kid puts you on even ground then. I would worry too much about it because having a kid himself makes him more paternal.
 
Cheri, I think Slootvreter can sort you out - do you live in Cape Town?
 
Sensorei said:
I just saw that he has a kid as well. But had to give a typical male reply as that is seriously how most men sum up their women. Both having a kid puts you on even ground then. I would worry too much about it because having a kid himself makes him more paternal.
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It'd be interesting to do a poll - how many men are willing to date a single mom...
 
Cheri_N, the poll should include separate options for men with and without kid/s already to be accurate.
 
you should post a pic so we can see what you look like too, if you really wanted to know the TRUE resluts.

options:
a) Yes, I would date her, even if she has a kid.
b) I would only date her if she didn't have a kid.
c) I would not date her.
 
/puts man suit on
Cheri_n, it depends on how hot you are.

Only joking. I guess it would be diffrent for each guy.
I dated a woman who had a son older than me, but we both knew it was not going to be something permanent.
I guess if he likes you he would accept your child as part of the deal.

Unfortunately diabolus mentioned the EX. That could always pose a problem. Best there would be to discuss it before hand.
 
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