LOL, Rouxenator it's always entertaining to see what you come up with next in an attempt to shame VW
I've seen both Opel & VW broken down, I've seen plenty of both that smoke, etc. Just depends on how you take care of your car. Just don't get why people call it slowpel, sure it's not the best handling vehicle ever (certainly not the worst IMHO) and not the most reliable either (neither is VW btw.) but it's not slow. Even the slow ones like the Corsa Lite is still pretty nippy considering it's price range.
The Diesel models are terrible tho, wouldn't touch it with a barge pole, Diesel just isn't Opel's thing.