Spouse's Past

WarpedArt said:
Hi There All
I have a question that has been on my mind but before doing so here is some background

Me and my wife have been together for 11 years – 5.5 years married and 5.5 years together. We have 2 young children during our marriage. We met in 2004 when she was 22 and I was 20 but only started officially dating a year later and the reason I did not date as soon as I met her was because there were stories that I heard about her regarding her promiscuous ways and her reputation. So back then, before we started dating, I knew of her past. When we met she did modelling and was very attractive and got wasted over weekends at the clubs – which could relate to the issues below.

Before we started dating she had 7 sexual partners, the first 3 were in a relationship (which does not bother me), the next 2 were one night stands at clubs , the next was a ‘friend with benefits during her varsity years (number 4 – 6 was in a 6 month period just before I met her), and the final one was an on / off relationship until I started dating her officially.

To me 7 partners is too much for a girl being 22 and there is too much promiscuity that happened in her past which still affects me to this day. I have always had her past in the back of my mind over years , and I learned to deal with it. I also knew that many people that I know or who knew her were aware that she was ‘loose’ or ‘slutty back in the day. Only recently has it affected me to an extent whereby I have become short tempered and cannot stop thinking about her with those past guys , and I cross question her regarding it,and I have started judging her.
Even though it is 12 years ago (in my mind it feels like the other day and as if she has ‘cheated’ on me). I have recently started seeing a pyschologist to deal with these issues but in the back of my mind I still think of her past and how she was with the guys (especially the ones that were not in a relationship with her) and every time I find relief in saying it was a long time ago and people move on, BUT the number of sexual partners being 7 makes me feel down, which is a high number for me. Therefore the cycle continues and I go back to thinking of her sexual experience with the other guys.

I have also thought of divorce just to let go, which will not actually help for the kids and my mental well being, as the thoughts will always be there. So I am not sure if I am being simple and judging her for a time before I was in a picture, and that people experience their sexuality different in the new millennium, and if the partner count indeed a high number and how would other people react to their girlfriend / spouse sexual past.
What do you people think, am I just being simple minded?
Click to expand...

Stopped reading at 7 partners is to promiscuous.

You realise what year it is right?

Not bothering with the rest of your rubbish.
 
You're being simple minded. Keep on with the psych treatments.
 
A dated a chick who had 7 partners in like 3 weeks.
 
Friday has arrived!

I think the past is the past, you've been together for 12 years, has there ever doubts of her cheating on you?
Have you talked to her about it and got her view on those relationships and why she did it?

I think a divorce because of her partners from 12 years is quite ridiculous to be honest.
 
OP obviously doesn't know the rule of 3. what number she tells you, times it by 3. so she's had 21 partners. women lie about how many they slept with to save your feelings.

men lie too...but you divide their number by 3.
 
Forget about her past. Her faithfulness while you 2 are together counts way more.

I always say that whatever happened before we (me & SO) started going out is irrelevant.
 
Yeah mate, I had to sit down and really think hard about the number of women I've slept with. Build a bridge or burn one.
 
Last edited:
WTF OP.

you have been married for 5 and a half years, you have 2 young children, you know in the lasst 11 years she has only been with you.

and you are worried about what happened before then in such a manner that you are posting about it?

so what is the real issue? are you gay? do you ahvea erectile disfunction? are you secretly a cuck? becasue honestly anything that happened before you swept her off her feet should not matter to you.

sit down, have a long hard look at yourself, get over your shame and get over it. speak openely about the things that are really bothering you, because if this bothers you to a point where it can threaten the relationship in the future you are going to die alone, you will never ever find someone who only had 7 partners before you.

and referring to her as ‘loose’ or ‘slutty' is an extreme over reaction.
 
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