Spouse's Past

All in all though, I'm calling a 3/10 as a Friday thread. It might have legs, but the lowest common denominator isn't what makes a Friday thread.
 
marco79 said:
Forget about her past. Her faithfulness while you 2 are together counts way more.

I always say that whatever happened before we (me & SO) started going out is irrelevant.
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^This

Have you tried having a transparent conversation with her about this? If not, consider it, but if you do, approach the situation gently. I personally feel in marriage open communication around issues like these is everything.
 
OP sounds like the nerd who got lucky with the cheer-leader. Take it this way, if she hadn't perfected her warped art before she met you, you wouldn't have stayed with her for 11 years.
 
WarpedArt said:
Hi There All
I have a question that has been on my mind but before doing so here is some background

Me and my wife have been together for 11 years – 5.5 years married and 5.5 years together. We have 2 young children during our marriage. We met in 2004 when she was 22 and I was 20 but only started officially dating a year later and the reason I did not date as soon as I met her was because there were stories that I heard about her regarding her promiscuous ways and her reputation. So back then, before we started dating, I knew of her past. When we met she did modelling and was very attractive and got wasted over weekends at the clubs – which could relate to the issues below.

Before we started dating she had 7 sexual partners, the first 3 were in a relationship (which does not bother me), the next 2 were one night stands at clubs , the next was a ‘friend with benefits during her varsity years (number 4 – 6 was in a 6 month period just before I met her), and the final one was an on / off relationship until I started dating her officially.

To me 7 partners is too much for a girl being 22 and there is too much promiscuity that happened in her past which still affects me to this day. I have always had her past in the back of my mind over years , and I learned to deal with it. I also knew that many people that I know or who knew her were aware that she was ‘loose’ or ‘slutty back in the day. Only recently has it affected me to an extent whereby I have become short tempered and cannot stop thinking about her with those past guys , and I cross question her regarding it,and I have started judging her.
Even though it is 12 years ago (in my mind it feels like the other day and as if she has ‘cheated’ on me). I have recently started seeing a pyschologist to deal with these issues but in the back of my mind I still think of her past and how she was with the guys (especially the ones that were not in a relationship with her) and every time I find relief in saying it was a long time ago and people move on, BUT the number of sexual partners being 7 makes me feel down, which is a high number for me. Therefore the cycle continues and I go back to thinking of her sexual experience with the other guys.

I have also thought of divorce just to let go, which will not actually help for the kids and my mental well being, as the thoughts will always be there. So I am not sure if I am being simple and judging her for a time before I was in a picture, and that people experience their sexuality different in the new millennium, and if the partner count indeed a high number and how would other people react to their girlfriend / spouse sexual past.
What do you people think, am I just being simple minded?
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Where to start. ...First off, I understand why you posting on MYBB, you need an outlet. However, Mybb consists of very naïve, young, immature people, and hence, immature responses. Don't even read their comments. I too posted a relationship situation about a year back, that caused me to leave mybb until now. Moving along. To start. You are doing the right thing by seeing a professional about your feelings. I am not a professional, but it may seem as if there is something else affecting you and your relationship, and her previous relationships is the anchor you need to pull everything under with. Just keep seeing the professional, and if you not improving, then see someone else. You have been together for a long time, she is still with you too. You have to trust that she is with you for a reason, and its your job to keep giving her reason. If you withdraw emotionally, she will too. To make comparisons, i am going through a divorce, where she left me one morning. No warning. 2 small kids. It has been the worst 8 months of all our lives, and it probably will be until my kids and i can get over her and the devastation she caused. From that perspective, which is mine, think twice about divorce. Its not all roses and a sea of va-JJ. I have been dating, more for company than anything, and let me just mention, that most girls you meet, have a crap load of baggage (i guess we all do), either have kids as well, and have a rough relationship past. Your wife, with 7 historic partners, is par for the course on the dating front. In fact, she is a light weight. Anywyas, that is just my experience. As above, from my experience, work on yourself, to fix your marriage.
 
stop moaning and think of all the experience she has brought to your bed
 
hey OP, you know that thing your wife does in bed that you like so much?

she learned that from a previous partner, so rather than feeling jealous, appropriate the past, its gotten you off many, many times.
 
I suppose you going to blame apartheid for the rest of your life as well.

It's over move on and be happy.
 
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