The new dad experience

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mooks

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SO and I are expecting our first new human next year and I'm curious to hear from other new dads what the experience was like for them.

This is a planned pregnancy so we're both really excited but sometimes I wonder how connected a new dad is to the whole experience in the early phases? I get sick, have mood swings, cry because puppies, feel baba wiggling around etc but he doesnt get any of that. What he does get is fairly regular requests for donuts but somehow I dont think that's the same :p

Not sure if this is the right audience for this question but hopefully someone has some insight to share :)
 
Well since becoming a father, whenever I cook with mince meat, I look at it and think, I know how you must feel.
 
mooks said:
SO and I are expecting our first new human next year and I'm curious to hear from other new dads what the experience was like for them.

This is a planned pregnancy so we're both really excited but sometimes I wonder how connected a new dad is to the whole experience in the early phases? I get sick, have mood swings, cry because puppies, feel baba wiggling around etc but he doesnt get any of that. What he does get is fairly regular requests for donuts but somehow I dont think that's the same :p

Not sure if this is the right audience for this question but hopefully someone has some insight to share :)
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My baby is seven months, and during the pregnancy, all the missus wanted was cream soda and cheese curls.

In all honesty, and I don't know if it relates exactly to what you are asking, but early on in this pregnancy we were faced with the decision to possibly abort the fetus due to health reasons. many tests later, and the specialists cleared the baby to around 99%, so we went ahead, but that experience made me really involved and feel a lot more connected to my wife and the babe growing in her. Sort of brought us closer together. The emergency ceasar of the baby premature really sealed that sort of emotion.

I'm not saying you need to go through that as a father to get a real connection, it's just my most recent experience.
 
cerebus said:
Well since becoming a father, whenever I cook with mince meat, I look at it and think, I know how you must feel.
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I honestly have no idea what this means, but now I want spaghetti bolognese.
 
You'll feel the lack of sleep :p

You'll only really connect once the Mooklet is born...
 
I haven't had the privilege to make my own yet, but from the experience I've had it's pretty much "do whatever she wants!!" type experience :D

As a guy, your role in growing the new hooman kind of stops when the sperm does it's job. Then it's trying to keep your SO happy for as much as possible during and providing a stable consistent household so everyone feels safe and loved.

Men won't "get" what you're going through, but a dad will totally bend over backwards and get you that donut even if he has to camp out infront of the krispy kreme to do so (and get some quiet time, lol)
 
envo said:
I haven't had the privilege to make my own yet, but from the experience I've had it's pretty much "do whatever she wants!!" type experience :D

As a guy, your role in growing the new hooman kind of stops when the sperm does it's job. Then it's trying to keep your SO happy for as much as possible during and providing a stable consistent household so everyone feels safe and loved.

Men won't "get" what you're going through, but a dad will totally bend over backwards and get you that donut even if he has to camp out infront of the krispy kreme to do so (and get some quiet time, lol)
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Nicely said, father of two here, agree.
 
When my wife was pregnant with our fist child I was at first quite disconnected to the child, but I was VERY happy about the unexpected pregnancy after 10 years. Bonding with my daughter started for me only after the child was born. Before it was at times for me like my wife was hijacked by an alien.

During the pregnancy I was also rather upset about the child, because this person I didn't know yet made my loved one going for the world championships in puking with 10 - 15 times a day and that from the beginning right to the day my daughter was born.

And only one thing is for sure: EVERYTHING in your relationship will change and not only for the better.

Today we are a very happy family!
 
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My experience was quite surreal with the first.

I was very connected during the pregnancy. Obviously all of the foot rubs and back rubs and late night ice cream scavenging that comes by default. At least I thought I was connected. The truth is, men don't get the hormonal injection when the baby is born. Women get this instant bond that is hormone driven. Men are left to fall in love the old fashioned way.

Now depending on how much emotional energy he spends on the mother, during the labour and birth, he might be pretty spent when the little one comes out. Personally, I had a tough time with our first. 72 hours of labour and taking care of my wife, while worrying over her and being powerless to do anything for her. It takes a lot out of you. I felt love for my child, but my mind and emotional centre were so far apart at that point, that it felt like hearing someone shouting into the wind. I couldn't quite grasp it or understand it.

Ultimately, the bonding normally starts on day one though, when he gets to hold the baby for the first time. But it is a much slower process for a guy. Luckily I didn't have to hide any of that fact from my wife. There seems to be this weird pressure on guys to be as gaga over their babies from minute one, as the mothers are. It is just not physiologically possible. We love them, but for the most part it is a slower, more sensible love. For lack of a better term.

Women fall in love from minute one, and actually fall into the baby, metaphorically speaking. The baby becomes a mother's entire world. Men haven't evolved to do that. Men have evolved to ensure that the surroundings are safe. We have to keep our minds focused on the bigger picture, so we cannot focus and invest everything into the child for days and weeks on end.
 
SoulTax said:
My experience was quite surreal with the first.

I was very connected during the pregnancy. Obviously all of the foot rubs and back rubs and late night ice cream scavenging that comes by default. At least I thought I was connected. The truth is, men don't get the hormonal injection when the baby is born. Women get this instant bond that is hormone driven. Men are left to fall in love the old fashioned way.

Now depending on how much emotional energy he spends on the mother, during the labour and birth, he might be pretty spent when the little one comes out. Personally, I had a tough time with our first. 72 hours of labour and taking care of my wife, while worrying over her and being powerless to do anything for her. It takes a lot out of you. I felt love for my child, but my mind and emotional centre were so far apart at that point, that it felt like hearing someone shouting into the wind. I couldn't quite grasp it or understand it.

Ultimately, the bonding normally starts on day one though, when he gets to hold the baby for the first time. But it is a much slower process for a guy. Luckily I didn't have to hide any of that fact from my wife. There seems to be this weird pressure on guys to be as gaga over their babies from minute one, as the mothers are. It is just not physiologically possible. We love them, but for the most part it is a slower, more sensible love. For lack of a better term.

Women fall in love from minute one, and actually fall into the baby, metaphorically speaking. The baby becomes a mother's entire world. Men haven't evolved to do that. Men have evolved to ensure that the surroundings are safe. We have to keep our minds focused on the bigger picture, so we cannot focus and invest everything into the child for days and weeks on end.
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@op:Keep an eye out for post partum depression
 
my lil one just turned 1 last Saturday and as i look back over the last 12 months, i can do nothing but smile.

in the beginning as a dad, it's kinda boring as you just kinda sit there on the peripheral edges. sure you change nappies and help feed, burp and hold the baby but the baby doesn't really do much for the first couple months. as the months go by, you will see personality start to grow and that's when the real bonding starts. show your new addition everything, talk to the baby explaining what "that" thing is.

now at 1 year, he doesn't sit still. it's like the energizer bunny on crack. he's into everything. can't walk yet, but can climb the flight of stairs. pulls himself up into standing position opening up cupboards and drawers. likes to turn of the xbox while i am in mid game (he fancies the bright light on the front of it).

and the poor dog! he chases the dog every where. she will be sleeping and he crawls right on her. man do i get so many laughs from that. he does try to get into our dog's food bowl but doesn't really try to eat it, just likes to put the pellets into the water bowl.

be prepared to include your baby on anything you are doing. if they see you are having fun, they will want to try it out.

the only down side of babies is your gaming time....when they are a few weeks old, you can still get some decent gaming time in. when they are a year old, it's only after the baby goes to sleep, and usually you are to buggered by then :)
 
I had very little connection until I heard the heart beat on the ultrasound. That made quite a difference for me, but even after that, I was still not that connected.

Even the day the baby was born, it was very emotional and all. And I had this weird, super protective mode going on. But I didnt feel that "instant love" that everyone talks about. I wanted to protect this baby, but I didnt know her and I think thats ok.
It took a very short time though before I started to get proper serious emotional feelings and now I do all the crazy things other parents talk about :)
 
Nokkie said:
Makes sense now
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It's a form of depression that people tend to catagorise as 'baby blues' but it is more than just mood swings, so calling it 'baby blues' is not really accurate. My wife suffered from it after the birth of our first child. Required plenty of support from myself and our families to assist her though it.

Symptoms of “baby blues” include:

Weepiness or crying for no apparent reason
Impatience
Irritability
Restlessness
Anxiety
Fatigue
Insomnia (even when the baby is sleeping)
Sadness
Mood changes
Poor concentration
 
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My boss said something to me years back when the first littlelest was on its way, be prepared for lots of joy but little fun.

Don't think the wife and I have slept well for the last 5yrs and it takes it toll on everything but well worth it, two boys just over 4 and 2.
The personality thing is pretty cool and seeing them learn things for the first time is awesome and funny.
I can relate to the poster with kid who plays with xbox light, any cables and dog pellets in water bowls.

Toughest times will be if the kid needs to go to hospital, they had to place number 1 under anaesthetic for circumcision , was awful waiting for them to finish.

Other tough times are when they start school and you have to walk away with them screaming their lungs out....heart breaking stuff.
 
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