when is too long, waaay too long

I may not be the ideal person to provide advice on this matter but here's my 2c
I'm not sure where you both are in terms of life stage and experience. But if you guys haven't had much experience with the love thang then maybe take a breather from each other and see other people. If it's meant to be you'll be together - if not - your'e richer for the lesson
 
"Meant to be" is BS by the way :) No successful relationship comes without hard work.
 
You need passion, lust, love, like, affection and trust to have a healthy relationship

Sounds like to me that the passion and lust aren't there, you two basically have a brother-sister relationship ( the fun type ) from the sound of things
 
I am very sorry to hear about your relationship problems.
Personally I cannot relate to this guy because I am on the other side of the spectrum. I feel too much too soon.
But let me tell you what I sounds like to me and I can very well be wrong
You may not want to read it because its harsh


As others have said , hes just not into you (return cliche)
It sounds to me that this guy is keeping you around because he thinks he can do better.
And judging from what you say about getting on with him very well, he probably thinks he could find someone more attractive.
If someone like that happens to come along he will drop so quickly, youll spin and that will be tenfold more painful.
After one year and not being able to express any deep emotion about you is a warning flag for me
He probably felt bad when you cried and now the relationship is based on guilt.
Obviously there is no long term prospect in this. You wouldnt be able to be his friend without deeper feelings
So really there is no point in being with this guy.
I assure you though there are many guys out there who would be able to show you a world of love.
So drop this drab and go find one

Easier said than done, dont worry I know :p
 
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Murdoc said:
I am very sorry to hear about your relationship problems.
Personally I cannot relate to this guy because I am on the other side of the spectrum. I feel too much too soon.
But let me tell you what I sounds like to me and I can very well be wrong
You may not want to read it because its harsh


As other have said , hes just not into you (return cliche)
It sounds to me that this guy is keeping you around because he thinks he can do better.
And judging from what you say about getting on with him very well, he probably thinks he could find someone more attractive.
If someone like that happens to come along he will drop so quickly, youll spin and that will be tenfold more painful.
After one year and not being able to express any deep emotion about you is a warning flag for me
He probably felt bad when you cried and now the relationship is based on guilt.
Obviously there is no long term prospect in this. You wouldnt be able to be his friend without deeper feelings
So really there is no point in being with this guy.
I assure you though there are many guys out there who would be able to show you a world of love.
So drop this drab and go find one

Easier said than done, dont worry I know :p
Click to expand...

This. I've been in on the other side of this situation. The lack of passion and "i love you but I'm not in love with you" thing means I was never that into you but didn't have the balls to break it off sooner.
 
garp said:
Some ppl are brought up in a very non-affectionate environment which sounds like this maybe the case - I know from experience that you can't judge people from a cold, aloof family background on their outward displays of affection - sometimes they do care very deeply, even "love" but lack the capacity to express it. It would be a tragedy to misunderstand
this...
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Yes good point.My parents have been together for 43 years but my dad battles to say 'I Love you' or show affection in ways we expect him to,but my mom is crazy about him.
 
garp said:
Some ppl are brought up in a very non-affectionate environment which sounds like this maybe the case - I know from experience that you can't judge people from a cold, aloof family background on their outward displays of affection - sometimes they do care very deeply, even "love" but lack the capacity to express it. It would be a tragedy to misunderstand this...
Click to expand...

This.
 
You shouldn't struggle when it comes to love - you feel it, you enjoy it and that is love.

If you struggling to get "I love you" outta him then it's not worth it.
 
garp said:
Some ppl are brought up in a very non-affectionate environment which sounds like this maybe the case - I know from experience that you can't judge people from a cold, aloof family background on their outward displays of affection - sometimes they do care very deeply, even "love" but lack the capacity to express it. It would be a tragedy to misunderstand this...
Click to expand...

That could be true in this case, but be wary of inventing excuses for why he is like he is. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a loveless marriage, but will keep telling yourself that he actually loves you but has a strange way of showing it.

Both of you need to decide whether you want to continue the relationship, and he needs to have the balls to be honest. I'd hazard a guess and say he knows what he wants but might be too afraid to say it. Then again, I dont know either of you from a bar of soap - my words should be worth very little to you.

If you want to continue, its going to take hard work and compromise from both of you.
 
You have to get married and see and feel love - not get married because you are comfortable with the person! Alot of people get married for the latter reason and eventually end up cheating or getting divorced. FACT.
 
garp said:
Some ppl are brought up in a very non-affectionate environment which sounds like this maybe the case - I know from experience that you can't judge people from a cold, aloof family background on their outward displays of affection - sometimes they do care very deeply, even "love" but lack the capacity to express it. It would be a tragedy to misunderstand this...
Click to expand...

I'm one of those and would battle to express my emotion.
 
genetic said:
I'm one of those and would battle to express my emotion.
Click to expand...

I'm the same, I think I've said some similar things to the OP's b/f. And it basically meant that I knew it wasn't feeling right/working. He's actually made that very clear, even though he obviously likes OP as a friend and that turns into affection.

But hey give it one more shot, if he says he's willing to try. You'll know "deep down" if it's working or not. May sound cheesy but it's true.
 
It seems to me you were both enjoying the relationship... so you broke up with him cos he didn't say 3 words?
Sounds fail.
If you enjoy being with him and vice versa don't see why you have to care about if he loves you.
 
Wow!! A Girly advice thread..

Do not waste your time.
Move on.
It hurts like a biatch. It goes away. Eventually and you will see the it for what it was.
It has been to long. He is stringing you along for comfort.
 
Sounds like you're just easy for him to be with, not that he really desires you much. He probably figures he can do better. You won't be appreciated and the way you feel won't be reciprocated. It's simple to say you should just dump him, but you sound like you really love him so you won't. You'll go crazy and get your heart broken, but it will be for the better when it's over. The only alternative to this is to quit cold-turkey: don't see him, don't communicate and if you can get through a few weeks doing this you'll be fine. I doubt it though. Good luck.
 
I love how everyone automatically blames the guy without knowing both sides of the story. Lame.
 
Mike Hoxbig said:
I love how everyone automatically blames the guy without knowing both sides of the story. Lame.
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This.

Still don;t understand why he's a bad guy for noting loving her? I'm sure long prosperous relationships can go on even if one or both don't love the other.
But! What is love?
She said they got on well... is that not love?
Wasn't all the good things worth it just cos he didn't say I love you? sounds fail!
 
Mike Hoxbig said:
I love how everyone automatically blames the guy without knowing both sides of the story. Lame.
Click to expand...

It's not a matter of blame. It's clear the lady's feelings are not, and will not, be reciprocated. Continuing the relationship based on the presupposition or hope that reciprocation will occur will only lead to greater disappointment and anguish. As I alluded to, in any event, her feelings of love will probably override her impulse for self-preservation. 'Tis a shame.
 
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