Where are the single men?

@ OP, if anything, too many single people out there. Once you accept that you actually do in fact want and need a long term relationship/marriage it should then get a whole lot easier to meet the right person. You need to commit yourself wholeheartedly first. You are either fine being single for the rest of your life, or you are not. You cannot be both. Life with another is way better in my opinion. Prepare your mind and your outlook to match the choice you make. Best of luck meeting the right person.
 
Nella said:
I also prefer someone that I have things in common with, but there are nice people of all ages
Click to expand...

Age is something that is driven by the mind. I know a 46 year old that has more stamina and drive than a 25 year whipper snapper (he has completed 8 Ironman events in the last 4 years). Things like age and occupation shouldn't feature heavily when dating imo. Best to be open minded and enjoy people for who they are.
 
Emjay said:
Age is something that is driven by the mind. I know a 46 year old that has more stamina and drive than a 25 year whipper snapper (he has completed 8 Ironman events in the last 4 years). Things like age and occupation shouldn't feature heavily when dating imo. Best to be open minded and enjoy people for who they are.
Click to expand...
The wisdom is strong with this one.
#ilikeit
 
Emjay said:
Age is something that is driven by the mind. I know a 46 year old that has more stamina and drive than a 25 year whipper snapper (he has completed 8 Ironman events in the last 4 years). Things like age and occupation shouldn't feature heavily when dating imo. Best to be open minded and enjoy people for who they are.
Click to expand...

Yea, that is how I see the world too. You meet some interesting people on the way like that :D
 
I will be first to admit that dating, especially these days, is a minefield.
The OP needs to make a list of what she wants, preferably a short list, and then work from there.
As for having kids, in this day and age its not a requirement, granted the "peer and parental pressure" is there all the time.
 
Papaya101 said:
After years of reference to this forum, I signed up as my research of 'online dating' somehow led me here and I got a shock to discover 'available in 10 years time once kids leave school' men.

It's boxing day, we aren't really religious, so this time of year is a rather bland time. And what do people do when they have nothing to do? Ponder. Thats what.

So being 36, single and actually just fine, on days like today, the reality of my actual age kicks in. I look younger (thankful) and I'm super young at heart. But really, in 4 years time I'll be 40. FORTY. Shut the front door - this is a fact. Base this on how fast this past year has gone, I'll be 40 in no time!

That means I best start meeting men who are single. But there are none. And I'm actually perfectly happy being single right now!

This is all very contradicting and it's confusing my mind. Biologically - times ticking in the having a child part of life too. I do want my own kid one day. But I don't want one now nor in the next few years - but a few years is all I have in actuality. See my confusion. To be fair, I think the having kids ship has sailed. I cannot see how it's possible to meet someone (when you are not actually looking), get to know someone well enough to decide if you could be married, and purely for biological reasons have a kid, in the span of four years. And again, I cannot envision that il be interested in having a child in the next 5 years (min) - but that pushes me past 40. Maybe that would change if one meets the right person. Who knows?

So, a bit of a reality check day today. And it peeves me off to a degree that 'aging' is forcing me to make decisions before I feel ready. If I carry as per normal, just pottering about all content I will not meet anyone.

I definitely want a family one day. If I have to adopt, then that's just the way it is.

So today I find myself thinking that if that's what I want one day, I'm going to actively have to make it happen. When that shouldn't be how it is. Surely people meet naturally and things happen organically. Now I'm strapped for time - and that is unlikely to happen.

Everyone I do meet - is married or in a relationship. I think most people in their thirties are - which makes meeting someone all the more difficult and pushes us mid thirty single people into a strange place.

Such a strange place in fact, that I'm considering online dating and im now writing this on a forum. Two days ago, when i was not accutely aware of my age, i would have laughed if someone said id be doing this today! And I'm not keen on online dating one little bit. To me it just seems like such a 'fake' thing. I don't know, just not comfortable with the concept - I think you'd have to sift through a lot of BS and argh it's just weird.

So where are all the thirty year old single men? Does one really have to go the online dating route to meet them? Bar hopping in the hopes of meeting someone is, well just far to much work and too expensive. And most of those people are wipper snappers.

Now I wish there were an over 30's single bar!

And to top it all off, I don't actually think I want to be in a relationship right now. I'm quite happy as things stand. Nothing is making sense.

And then you get people saying 'Mr right will come along when you least expect it'. Really- is this so. I think at 36, it's highly unlikely unless you change and actually start putting yourself 'on the market'.

Rant over!

Am I the only one who wonders such odd things?
Click to expand...

I know so many woman in this same situation (I live in Cape Town)

There are several issues. The first is possibly that the guys who commit get taken early.(this is me) The second is that the cost of weddings and kids are a major worry for the guys who are on the fence about marriage etc. Then there are a lot of guys who are not married for a good reason.

So if you are looking to find someone you would be happy with there are a few options:

1: The shy/loner guys - So many nice guys who are hiding because they struggle to talk to girls.
2: Divorced/bereaved - Each have their own risks but they were willing to commit at one stage.
3: International
4: Dammaged goods/guys with issues - Only if you like a project.

So how do you meed people. IF you use things like Tinder it will help you get into the game but you probably wont find a husband. Its good for practice.
My MIL just found something that seems to be working well https://www.meetup.com/. Its area specific and for anyone who wants to meet like minded people, so there are hiking groups and others that go dancing. Its not just for singles so its less of a meat market than tinder.
Whatever you do - don't bother with church.
 
Nerfherder said:
I know so many woman in this same situation (I live in Cape Town)

There are several issues. The first is possibly that the guys who commit get taken early.(this is me) The second is that the cost of weddings and kids are a major worry for the guys who are on the fence about marriage etc. Then there are a lot of guys who are not married for a good reason.

So if you are looking to find someone you would be happy with there are a few options:

1: The shy/loner guys - So many nice guys who are hiding because they struggle to talk to girls.
2: Divorced/bereaved - Each have their own risks but they were willing to commit at one stage.
3: International
4: Dammaged goods/guys with issues - Only if you like a project.

So how do you meed people. IF you use things like Tinder it will help you get into the game but you probably wont find a husband. Its good for practice.
My MIL just found something that seems to be working well https://www.meetup.com/. Its area specific and for anyone who wants to meet like minded people, so there are hiking groups and others that go dancing. Its not just for singles so its less of a meat market than tinder.
Whatever you do - don't bother with church.
Click to expand...

Good post ^^
 
The single biggest problem in the singles domain I believe is the fact that people are so fake nowadays.

On point number 4. Its a huge gamble, and there is no guarantee, but then one could also say that there are no guarantees in life.
 
Papaya101 said:
After years of reference to this forum, I signed up as my research of 'online dating' somehow led me here and I got a shock to discover 'available in 10 years time once kids leave school' men.

It's boxing day, we aren't really religious, so this time of year is a rather bland time. And what do people do when they have nothing to do? Ponder. Thats what.

So being 36, single and actually just fine, on days like today, the reality of my actual age kicks in. I look younger (thankful) and I'm super young at heart. But really, in 4 years time I'll be 40. FORTY. Shut the front door - this is a fact. Base this on how fast this past year has gone, I'll be 40 in no time!

That means I best start meeting men who are single. But there are none. And I'm actually perfectly happy being single right now!

This is all very contradicting and it's confusing my mind. Biologically - times ticking in the having a child part of life too. I do want my own kid one day. But I don't want one now nor in the next few years - but a few years is all I have in actuality. See my confusion. To be fair, I think the having kids ship has sailed. I cannot see how it's possible to meet someone (when you are not actually looking), get to know someone well enough to decide if you could be married, and purely for biological reasons have a kid, in the span of four years. And again, I cannot envision that il be interested in having a child in the next 5 years (min) - but that pushes me past 40. Maybe that would change if one meets the right person. Who knows?

So, a bit of a reality check day today. And it peeves me off to a degree that 'aging' is forcing me to make decisions before I feel ready. If I carry as per normal, just pottering about all content I will not meet anyone.

I definitely want a family one day. If I have to adopt, then that's just the way it is.

So today I find myself thinking that if that's what I want one day, I'm going to actively have to make it happen. When that shouldn't be how it is. Surely people meet naturally and things happen organically. Now I'm strapped for time - and that is unlikely to happen.

Everyone I do meet - is married or in a relationship. I think most people in their thirties are - which makes meeting someone all the more difficult and pushes us mid thirty single people into a strange place.

Such a strange place in fact, that I'm considering online dating and im now writing this on a forum. Two days ago, when i was not accutely aware of my age, i would have laughed if someone said id be doing this today! And I'm not keen on online dating one little bit. To me it just seems like such a 'fake' thing. I don't know, just not comfortable with the concept - I think you'd have to sift through a lot of BS and argh it's just weird.

So where are all the thirty year old single men? Does one really have to go the online dating route to meet them? Bar hopping in the hopes of meeting someone is, well just far to much work and too expensive. And most of those people are wipper snappers.

Now I wish there were an over 30's single bar!

And to top it all off, I don't actually think I want to be in a relationship right now. I'm quite happy as things stand. Nothing is making sense.

And then you get people saying 'Mr right will come along when you least expect it'. Really- is this so. I think at 36, it's highly unlikely unless you change and actually start putting yourself 'on the market'.

Rant over!

Am I the only one who wonders such odd things?
Click to expand...

Why make things so difficult for yourself?
Stop being so reserved, get out, meet people and for the love of god get laid. Lay as many men as you possibly can. You don't need to endanger yourself to have fun, use protection. One way or the other, this way you will meet the right guy sooner rather than later ;)
 
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