why i will never have kids

[cerebus]

Dude - I've heard the same story from a lot of people. Then they get married and it all changes. You have this little thing called a biological imperative - sooner or later it's going to go into overdrive; if not yours, then your dear wife's. G/l with the sprogs.

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

I'm 24 and my wifey just got 24...we been together for 8 years now and married for 1.6 years...lol. We knew in year 2 of being together we want kids...it all changed throughout varisty and we got this craxy idea that we'll adopt, coz of th eexact same reasons Mila brought up...the world if F'd up to raise a kid in - and looking at kids today...they are cleverer than Edison!

But now, next month...Baby Karli is making her entrance into this F'd up world...not looking at other people and how they raise their kids, we've got ALL the best for Karli, it has made me grow up tramendously in the last couple of months...but in doing some research, this is normal behaviour for an expectant dad! One thing I saw with the pregnancy, it brings the mom and dad closer together...more dependancy and trust is conveyed even though you don't realise it. We've had to rework our spending habbits and we looking at house (putting in offer today!!!) But one thing I've noticed is that...kids are NOT expensive to raise, some people just choose to give their kids the best, this means Name Brand everything! If a mom in Soweto can raise her child to be healthy and strong as another child in Sandton...so be it...this is the thinking of fathers, but moms want the best! Sound and movement monitors, R5000 cots, the rooms must be repainted, shopping at Naartjie ONLY, i see CT has Baby GAP, AVENT bottles and JEEP prams and imported Recaro Baby seats...lol!

I think one cannot say one will NEVER have a child as we cannot talk if we don't have experience! We cannot look at mom A and how she is treating her child and decide based on that...that we don't want kids...The sad thing is most parents DIDN'T want kids...I think you have to be in the right state of mind when wanting kids...jsut the thought of Karli coming forced me to grow up more very quickly...

Anyhoo...enjoy the kids, make them happy!

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

Yeah, I hear you. I also don't want children unless I'm 100% sure that I can cover it financially. e.g. I wouldn't want to send kids to a gov school. So private it is. 60k p.a. for school, a bit of preschool and some Uni. (60k*12 + 20k*3 + 50k*7) = R1,3 mil. For a nice childhood you also need a proper house & security. 2x safe cars. Well rounded education implies traveling. Kids are expensive business...and thats just me thumb-sucking...I'm sure there are hidden costs all over the show.

LMAO...i think when Karli goes to school...govt school it will be! My sisters kids are in Private school, and she took them out and put them in govt school...for reasons I'll tell when you interested. Uni...well, you are talking as if you know what will happen in 18 years! LOL...who knows by then we might have free education! Or we might live in Canada and have free education AND medical aid!!! People look at money and think its wrong to have kids...I put myself thorugh 4 years of varsity...my dad just gave me R500 pocket money each month that he had to struggle for as well..I think kids in 18 years will be very advanced, and there'll be new ways of paying for varsity...just not with clear heels and swinging on a pole pls!

 

[Kilgore_Trout_Redux]

24? Damn dude - no offence but that's a little young.

 

[undesign]

I now have twin girls who are nearly eight and all I can say is that they are the most precious things a person can be blessed with. Children change you in ways you can't even think of when you are young...

+1000

 

[wrathex]

The Male Pill is coming

decided that i will never have kids - this is easy saying this when I'm still single - and hopefully the day I meet and marry my future wife she will understand.

Raising kids is the ultimate responsibility - and I don't know if I am willing to bear this responsibility. I love kids - especially my niece and nephew.

I think the world is MUCH more complicated than 30 years ago when I was born - new circumstances than those of my childhood. Aside from the financial implications (not having the ability to support your kids financially must be a big fear among parents) , I don't think I am the right kind of person to be a dad.

And I would go crazy if something bad would happen to my kids - yes I am kind of an emotional dude

And I don't want to raise my kids in a pretty screwed up world ...

My decision might be - and could be - considered to be very selfish but hey you're most welcome to your own opinions.

I admire people who have the courage to undertake the ultimate responsibility and raise kids in this world and our times.

I wonder what they will call the male pill ?

Have a look at the contraceptives that will be available within a decade: Top ten future Contraceptives

Male hormonal contraceptive is finally ready and being tested in the US, Europe and China. This birth control method uses testosterone, and sometimes progesterone, to stop sperm production. The reversible hormonal male contraceptive would also be available as patches, gels, implants and even injections.

Boys you're going to have choices to make, patch or gel, or maybe an implant, I'm guessing that the implants might become a fashion/tribal statement. (street: not a breeder) The new youth, the kids that are 15 years of age and younger are going to be a spoilt, rebellious, and an angry bunch, spoilt because they're the last generation that slipped in the door before The Resource War era, but rebellious because they were born during the beginning of the electronic revolution/internet/broadband and angry because with true globalisation, came true realisation, that we're polluting too much, resources are running out (the outgoing fossil fuel era - the big boom is over) and that things are getting a bit hectic here on earth.

It's logical, when the tribe gets too big and vast, either continue wasting precious resources on futile wars to keep oldworld economies lubricated and renegade populations culled, while choking on the fumes of the last billion barrels, or do it the humane way, offer people a modern, cheap, painless means to prevent accidental breeding.

We're not that overpopulated yet, but the exponential growth trend is obvious, the time has unfortunately come, to modernise the economic system of the world and radically rejuvenate it, by applying more and better science, by taking stock of what resources is available on this planet to a global population and how we can improve the system, for everyone, everywhere and make it sustainable.

The male pill is wonderful technology

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

24? Damn dude - no offence but that's a little young.

yes i know...I've achieved alot for my age...lol!!!JOKES

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

I wonder what they will call the male pill ?

Have a look at the contraceptives that will be available within a decade: Top ten future Contraceptives



Boys you're going to have choices to make, patch or gel, or maybe an implant, I'm guessing that the implants might become a fashion/tribal statement. (street: not a breeder) The new youth, the kids that are 15 years of age and younger are going to be a spoilt, rebellious, and an angry bunch, spoilt because they're the last generation that slipped in the door before The Resource War era, but rebellious because they were born during the beginning of the electronic revolution/internet/broadband and angry because with true globalisation, came true realisation, that we're polluting too much, resources are running out (the outgoing fossil fuel era - the big boom is over) and that things are getting a bit hectic here on earth.

It's logical, when the tribe gets too big and vast, either continue wasting precious resources on futile wars to keep oldworld economies lubricated and renegade populations culled, while choking on the fumes of the last billion barrels, or do it the humane way, offer people a modern, cheap, painless means to prevent accidental breeding.

We're not that overpopulated yet, but the exponential growth trend is obvious, the time has unfortunately come, to modernise the economic system of the world and radically rejuvenate it, by applying more and better science, by taking stock of what resources is available on this planet to a global population and how we can improve the system, for everyone, everywhere and make it sustainable.

The male pill is wonderful technology

LOL...and then we'll be like that clive owen movie where the world has no more kids...

 

[Vox Populi Vox Dei]

24? Damn dude - no offence but that's a little young.

There is a growing trend - well especially amongst 'happy clappy' Christian couples - to marry early so that they can "do the deed" as many of them believe in no sex before marriage. There's someone I know in their Honours year at university - so that would make him 22 - who is engaged

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

There is a growing trend - well especially amongst 'happy clappy' Christian couples - to marry early so that they can "do the deed" as many of them believe in no sex before marriage. There's someone I know in their Honours year at university - so that would make him 22 - who is engaged

LMAO...yes...we are christian!!! lol...petty thing is...I know at least 4 couples who did this, and divorced coz she or he wasnt the right one...lol! go figure!

 

[D3x]

I took the decision against having children a long time ago and went through some heavy times with my partner who really did want to be a mother

I could never, NEVER ask that of someone. Are you guys still together? Did she give it up eventually?

 

[UnUnOctium]

Yeah, I hear you. I also don't want children unless I'm 100% sure that I can cover it financially. e.g. I wouldn't want to send kids to a gov school. So private it is. 60k p.a. for school, a bit of preschool and some Uni. (60k*12 + 20k*3 + 50k*7) = R1,3 mil. For a nice childhood you also need a proper house & security. 2x safe cars. Well rounded education implies traveling. Kids are expensive business...and thats just me thumb-sucking...I'm sure there are hidden costs all over the show.

You need to judge those figures based on what YOU did. I didn't go to a private school, I went to a good government one. I didnt go to preschool here, went to one in my home country where it's free. My university expenses at undergrad were not 50k*7, more like (24+2+7)*4 and postgrad it's even cheaper. Only place I've travelled to is my home country and back. I agree, it takes financial planning but assuming that the best of everything makes them the best of everyone is veeeeeeeeeery misleading. It just makes them spoiled. And everyone knows at least a few spoiled rich kids.

Put a child through adversity (and no, I don't mean kick him out on the street for all the fuse-lighters) and don't buy him that Xbox or those extra games, rather tell him/her to study for them and if at the end of the term they get good marks they get it as a reward. I'm not nowhere old enough to be a parent but judging by the way mine brought me up I couldn't have been happier. At the moment one may be angry with their folks for not buying them that PC upgrade but a few years down the line you are thankful for it since you realise what a waste of life it really is. The greatest thing I am thankful for is the fact that they made sure I studied, I love acquiring knowledge but I was lazy when it came to schoolwork, they made sure I did well. And now I'm doing relatively well, not careerwise, still a student. But most people will never have gotten to this point in their studies.

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

You need to judge those figures based on what YOU did. I didn't go to a private school, I went to a good government one. I didnt go to preschool here, went to one in my home country where it's free. My university expenses at undergrad were not 50k*7, more like (24+2+7)*4 and postgrad it's even cheaper. Only place I've travelled to is my home country and back. I agree, it takes financial planning but assuming that the best of everything makes them the best of everyone is veeeeeeeeeery misleading. It just makes them spoiled. And everyone knows at least a few spoiled rich kids.

Put a child through adversity (and no, I don't mean kick him out on the street for all the fuse-lighters) and don't buy him that Xbox or those extra games, rather tell him/her to study for them and if at the end of the term they get good marks they get it as a reward. I'm not nowhere old enough to be a parent but judging by the way mine brought me up I couldn't have been happier. At the moment one may be angry with their folks for not buying them that PC upgrade but a few years down the line you are thankful for it since you realise what a waste of life it really is. The greatest thing I am thankful for is the fact that they made sure I studied, I love acquiring knowledge but I was lazy when it came to schoolwork, they made sure I did well. And I now I'm doing relatively well, not careerwise, still a student. But most people will never have gotten to this point in their studies.

Best advice ever

 

[ColinR]

24? Damn dude - no offence but that's a little young.

I think the "correct" age to marry and have kids is cyclical. I wouldn't want any of my kids born from a mother over 30, let alone 40. The longer you wait.. the more chance of struggling to fall pregnant and complications. Married, 2 kids, done and dusted - 29.

 

[undesign]

I wouldn't want any of my kids born from a mother over 30, let alone 40.

It's 2010, not 1910.

 

[millennia]

Gotta laugh at some of the rationalising in this thread

Seriously, if you want to wait til you are that financially stable to have kids then you never will.

All the money in the world can't buy that 1st sight of them during birth, 1st gummy smile, 1st crawl, 1st step, 1st word...

 

[ALFAHOLIC]

I think the "correct" age to marry and have kids is cyclical. I wouldn't want any of my kids born from a mother over 30, let alone 40. The longer you wait.. the more chance of struggling to fall pregnant and complications. Married, 2 kids, done and dusted - 29.

LoL...isn't life comical? Kids fall pregies at 11 and 12...and people who WANT kids have complications!

 

[ColinR]

It's 2010, not 1910.

Precisely, it's the reason why so many more people are struggling to fall pregnant -> they are waiting much longer. Teenage pregnancy is a problem, why? Because that's when humans - the animals that we are - are designed to bare children.

 

[undesign]

Precisely, it's the reason why so many more people are struggling to fall pregnant -> they are waiting much longer.

Precisely. Times have changed and people wait longer. But technology and medicine has also changed dramatically. My wife was 32 when she had our first child, as smooth a pregnancy as you can imagine. Understandably, on average, there are more problems, but medically we are able to deal with it much better.

Granted, it's a personal choice, but for us - we traveled the world, partied hard and then had a child when we were ready.

 

[ColinR]

personal choice.....when we were ready.

Agreed. My plan is to travel the world when my kids are out of the house, one tends to have more money in your later years than in your 20s.