Wife cheated

James 77 said:
It’s a very weird situation for me. I’ve tried getting help, talking to close friends etc. And she is dead set on getting a divorce to go back to her parents. And in the same breath she keeps saying he meant nothing.

But it’s true what you said. I think she thought she got something else, but it wasn’t. The grass isn’t greener.
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Personally I would say don't analysis paralysis too hard about the motive, reasons and whys which will drive yourself up a wall. a Woman would normally not tell you what is wrong directly and its more of guesswork as to what is being said. (secret: sometimes they don't know themselves)
 
Sinbad said:
Sorry to hear this. I've been there, it's kak for a while but you will heal with time.
Let her go.
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I appreciate it. It hurts more that she was lying to me about our love and future up to a day prior.

The only good thing is that I’m still in my prime, 29z.
 
Nemoneiros said:
Personally I would say don't analysis paralysis too hard about the motive, reasons and whys which will drive yourself up a wall. a Woman would normally not tell you what is wrong directly and its more of guesswork as to what is being said. (secret: sometimes they don't know themselves)
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I fully agree, I’m generally a very analytical person. And this I can’t reason or make sense of.

she says she hates herself for it, but doesn’t know why it happened, and she loves me, but wants to divorce and go back to her parents. craziness
 
James 77 said:
That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. The dust may settle, and she might realise she made a mistake. I will never trust her again.
So it’s better to end now. It’s just a disappointing end.
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If this happened once, it will happen again. You will never be able to trust her again, and rightfully so. You will never be able to find an explanation. I agree, let her go and get the divorce done ASAP.

Do not give the relationship a second chance because it will happen again in future.
 
Hamster said:
I'm a married guy in a happy relationship so maybe I can give you a more mature perspective:

You cheat, you get the **** out.
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I agree, and up until last week Wednesday we were happy. No one ever thought she’d be the one cheating. It makes me feel inadequate. But I know I’m not. I offered her everything and she had a great life.

But yeah she obviously doesn’t have any respect for our marriage. And I didn’t mess it up.
 
James 77 said:
I fully agree, I’m generally a very analytical person. And this I can’t reason or make sense of.

she says she hates herself for it, but doesn’t know why it happened, and she loves me, but wants to divorce and go back to her parents. craziness
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I'm no shrink, but I think what she's telling you, and whats actually in her thoughts are not the same.

Just that last sentence has many contradictions in it. Emotions are horrible things, and she's probably trying to calm the situation, however her mind seems made up.

Sorry you're in this situation, must hurt.
 
rvZA said:
If this happened once, it will happen again. You will never be able to trust her again, and rightfully so. You will never be able to find an explanation. I agree, let her go and get the divorce done ASAP.

Do not give the relationship a second chance because it will happen again in future.
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I agree. I did a lot of soul searching and thought about everything and wether I’d try again. But I wouldn’t, I will forgive her. But I will move on to better things.
 
James 77 said:
honestly even we don’t understand it. I’ve been talking to some close friends and no one can make head or tails from this.

she says it’s about moving back to her parents. But why sleep with someone else if that’s the case.
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If I had to guess I'd say that sleeping with someone else could have been an outlet to release the frustration of being away from her parents.

But I'm not a professional. Sorry to hear though. You should get some help from someone who is.

If I were in your position it would tell me that if she had attachment issues with her parents, she was not ready to get married in the first place. And it's better that this happened now before any kids. Should make moving on a bit easier. Still sucks though...
 
neoprema said:
I'm no shrink, but I think what she's telling you, and whats actually in her thoughts are not the same.

Just that last sentence has many contradictions in it. Emotions are horrible things, and she's probably trying to calm the situation, however her mind seems made up.

Sorry you're in this situation, must hurt.
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It does hurt, but it’s so confusing. Like you said, she is contradicting herself with everything. So thinking about it, I can’t make any sense. And she still lives here with me.

I’m not sure I can believe anything actually
 
James 77 said:
I agree. I did a lot of soul searching and thought about everything and wether I’d try again. But I wouldn’t, I will forgive her. But I will move on to better things.
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Its for the better. Move on with your life. You do not need to live with continuous fear that she will do it again or distrust and checking her every move, just until such time it happens again. Your relationship will never be the same again.

This is one of life's lessons. Learn from it and grow stronger.
 
Jaws677 said:
Sorry James

Best for you now at this moment in time is to get her out of there ASAP. Nothing good can come of this anymore. The longer she stays there the more it's going to **** with your mind.

Get her out of there
Break All contact
Get the legal stuff out of the way.
Feel sorry for yourself. Cry a bit
Pick your head up
Move on with your live.
Your still young 2 years from now you will look back at this and it will all just be a memory.
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I think it’s best forsure. It’s as if she’s trying to make sure it’s not a big mistake, and holding on to something.
It might be time to follow my career dreams
 
James 77 said:
I agree. I did a lot of soul searching and thought about everything and wether I’d try again. But I wouldn’t, I will forgive her. But I will move on to better things.
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I may have made cold comments in this thread, but I am divorced. I am not good at giving relationship advice. No one has the same circumstances, neither does anybody know what is going on behind closed doors.

All I can say is, I hope that the both of you can find peace. You live for the moment, not for the past. A divorce may be the best for both of you.
 
Mike Hoxbig said:
If I had to guess I'd say that sleeping with someone else could have been an outlet to release the frustration of being away from her parents.

But I'm not a professional. Sorry to hear though. You should get some help from someone who is.

If I were in your position it would tell me that if she had attachment issues with her parents, she was not ready to get married in the first place. And it's better that this happened now before any kids. Should make moving on a bit easier. Still sucks though...
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I think so as well. She does really have attachment issues. And it’s definitely the truth, I’m glad there aren’t any kids. This would’ve been the year, as she is heading to 27
 
James 77 said:
I agree, and up until last week Wednesday we were happy. No one ever thought she’d be the one cheating. It makes me feel inadequate. But I know I’m not. I offered her everything and she had a great life.

But yeah she obviously doesn’t have any respect for our marriage. And I didn’t mess it up.
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It's not your fault for sticking your dick in crazy. The mistake you made was marrying it. You're still young. Hopefully next time you'll recognise the warning signs sooner...
 
James 77 said:
I agree, and up until last week Wednesday we were happy. No one ever thought she’d be the one cheating. It makes me feel inadequate. But I know I’m not. I offered her everything and she had a great life.

But yeah she obviously doesn’t have any respect for our marriage. And I didn’t mess it up.
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It's the ultimate betrayal in a relationship and how will you ever trust him/her again?

Life's too short for this crap.
 
rvZA said:
Its for the better. Move on with your life. You do not need to live with continuous fear that she will do it again or distrust and checking her every move, just until such time it happens again. Your relationship will never be the same again.

This is one of life's lessons. Learn from it and grow stronger.
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I agree. Trust in general towards anyone will take some time. But I wouldn’t be able to try again and always be reminded of the fact. I’ll wonder Every time she doesn’t answer the phone, or gets back later from work
 
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