Your Parents ~ Your Liability !

[SauRoNZA]

On a purely semantic level looking after your parents is a liability whether you want to accept that terminology or not.

Doing so puts you at a disadvantage as to what you would be otherwise.

If you deem this liability acceptable that’s all well and good, but it remains a liability nonetheless.

 

[^^vampire^^]

I think that if you have always had good ties with your parents then go for it and look after them. I have no reason not to and would help them in a heartbeat. My dad always made sure he was covered so not a problem. My mom never earned that much and spent everything she had each month to get us through so saved very little (my dad being the money meiser he was). My brother and I and my mom bought a home when they got divorced and we have given the house to her as she has always gone above and beyond for us.

My GFs mom has been struggling to find a job for years and those she does get pays very little. I've helped her pay off her debt but when she winds up not having a job then she racks up huge debt on credit cards to live. She also has to look after her parents who also don't have money so it's a vicious cycle that gets worse and worse. She has a job again now but doesn't cover her bills and the her parents so quite a problem. I think this problem was compounded by her wanting to make sure her kids had lots of great things when they were younger and never thought about retirement. She should be of retirement age in about 5 years and has massive debt and absolutely no money to retire on.

 

[HavocXphere]

Interesting. Actually had this convo with my dad recently.

Phoned them up (different country) and told him I've got their back if need be. Luckily they seem OK but appreciated the offer.

That said I'd rather not unless necessary. Still need to work on my own position (strong cashflow, but little assets to show for it).

 

[SaoirseB]

My parents are both dead, but when they were alive and I bought something for my mom, she would always harp on about me saving money. She didn't want me to give her money and wanted me to rather save for myself. My dad would occasionally ask me for money, but it was usually to help with one of my brother's school fees. Now I only have my younger brother to look after until he finishes varsity. But I don't mind. I would rather spend my money on my family.

If I was married and my husband expected his family to live with us or we had to spend money on them, I'm not sure how I would react. I'd like to think I would be decent about it.

 

[chrisc]

Life is a relay race. Your parents nurture you, pay for your education and get you going in life. You do the same for your children. That is it. We live in the west and do not have a culture of automatically looking after aged parents. Your parents know that as well and they should take steps to secure their retirement. My parents did, so did my wife's parents.

If there is a calamity and not a self-inflicted one like some people who have parents who were spendthrifts, gamblers or drunkards, then you will have to step in

I had a tenant who stopped paying the rent. When I went to see him, he was totally smashed. When he left to live with his son, I cleared out 45 crates of empties. Now he sits around in front of the TV and starts drinking at 8.30am. He is 53 and a dead loss. I have no sympathy for people like that

 

[Mila]

remember this...they wanted us, not the other way around

Most people I know weren't planned.

Of my parent's 3 kids I'm the only planned one.

So mostly no, parents are just not allowed to tell their kids ( Society rules and all that shyte) that they are not really wanted but hey what were they suppose to do.

 

[SoulTax]

Most people I know weren't planned.

Of my parent's 3 kids I'm the only planned one.

So mostly no, parents are just not allowed to tell their kids ( Society rules and all that shyte) that they are not really wanted but hey what were they suppose to do.

If you are grown up enough to have sex and know about the possible result of having sex. Then as far as I am concerned, you are grown up enough to deal with the consequences of the act, as though you planned for the consequences in the first place.

Saying that a child was a mistake should in no way change how much you owe that child while they develop and grow.

 

[AstroTurf]

My fil (2 years younger than me) quit his contract job beginning May.

He borrowed R500 from me 25 May (they borrow money from me on my payday every month).

He informed everyone 1st June he is jobless.

He then borrowed R640 petrol from me to go to interviews.

They were evicted and had till last Friday to move out.

His "rent to buy" car was repossessed 3 days after I filled the tank (tank mostly full).

So now their living arrangements, food etc are on my sisters and me.

After the **** from last time they stayed with us for a while and due to my younger sister having no space as well as my elder sister being closer to his possible "new job" he is living with them.

So now we wait to see if the new job is real or bull****.

Anyway, my mom is 56, he is 38, they are me and my two sisters new adoptive dependants.

At least most in this thread actually reached retirement...

 

[ToxicBunny]

My fil (2 years younger than me) quit his contract job beginning May.

He borrowed R500 from me 25 May (they borrow money from me on my payday every month).

He informed everyone 1st June he is jobless.

He then borrowed R640 petrol from me to go to interviews.

They were evicted and had till last Friday to move out.

His "rent to buy" car was repossessed 3 days after I filled the tank (tank mostly full).

So now their living arrangements, food etc are on my sisters and me.

After the **** from last time they stayed with us for a while and due to my younger sister having no space as well as my elder sister being closer to his possible "new job" he is living with them.

So now we wait to see if the new job is real or bull****.

Anyway, my mom is 56, he is 38, they are me and my two sisters new adoptive dependants.

At least most in this thread actually reached retirement...

Yussie dude, that is a seriously difficult one to deal with. I would want to help my mom to the best of my ability but if it involved helping a deadbeat attachment I'd be very torn

 

[crackersa]

I'm lucky as my parents prepared for their future. Was even able to retire a few a few years earlier than required. They actually look after my grandfather who squandered his savings on useless redneck cow tipping cousins of mine. And when he went broke the grandkids didn't go see him anymore.

So my folks spend their days enjoying retirement as they worked off the thought not to he a burden to their kids.

 

[AstroTurf]

Yussie dude, that is a seriously difficult one to deal with. I would want to help my mom to the best of my ability but if it involved helping a deadbeat attachment I'd be very torn

Yep, on the other hand he has kept her off our dependants list for over a decade... Anyway I hope they sort themselves out cause I can't long term or it becomes my children's issue.

 

[AstroTurf]

Yep, on the other hand he has kept her off our dependants list for over a decade... Anyway I hope they sort themselves out cause I can't long term or it becomes my children's issue.

Long story there.

Basically she and my dad divorced (cause she is impossible to live with, violent, manipulative, destructive, alcoholic and so on).
She met her new husband after getting divorce settlement. They used the settlement to buy car after car after car that were already up to **** then drive them till they die and buy a new one.
Sure married him. This stopped the monthly payments from my dad and they have been together since only her new husband now pays for everything.
Keep in mind I was born when she was 16 so she has no life skills..
The cash ran out, they moved in with me and my wife till he got a job, she ****ed it up completely and they moved on.
I stopped speaking to her.
My brother died, we started talking again, changed her and me in fundamental ways, I'm no longer willing to put family on "ignore" and she calmed down plenty.

All was good till they had a "farm attack" type scenario and moved to a new house.

Anyway catch up from there on the May post.

 

[Splinter]

Interesting. Actually had this convo with my dad recently.

Phoned them up (different country) and told him I've got their back if need be. Luckily they seem OK but appreciated the offer.

That said I'd rather not unless necessary. Still need to work on my own position (strong cashflow, but little assets to show for it).

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you now?

 

[ToxicBunny]

Long story there.

Basically she and my dad divorced (cause she is impossible to live with, violent, manipulative, destructive, alcoholic and so on).
She met her new husband after getting divorce settlement. They used the settlement to buy car after car after car that were already up to **** then drive them till they die and buy a new one.
Sure married him. This stopped the monthly payments from my dad and they have been together since only her new husband now pays for everything.
Keep in mind I was born when she was 16 so she has no life skills..
The cash ran out, they moved in with me and my wife till he got a job, she ****ed it up completely and they moved on.
I stopped speaking to her.
My brother died, we started talking again, changed her and me in fundamental ways, I'm no longer willing to put family on "ignore" and she calmed down plenty.

All was good till they had a "farm attack" type scenario and moved to a new house.

Anyway catch up from there on the May post.

I honestly don't envy you at all in this situation... Some good and some bad, would complicate the decision process immensely

 

[Johnatan56]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you now?

Mother is 56, she had him at 16, so 40.

 

[maumau]

Mother is 56, she had him at 16, so 40.

Thought he was asking HavocXphere.

 

[Johnatan56]

Thought he was asking HavocXphere.

I failed to read who he was asking, sorry.

 

[Splinter]

Thought he was asking HavocXphere.

yep

 

[Splinter]

If you are grown up enough to have sex and know about the possible result of having sex. Then as far as I am concerned, you are grown up enough to deal with the consequences of the act, as though you planned for the consequences in the first place.

Saying that a child was a mistake should in no way change how much you owe that child while they develop and grow.

While I normally agree with you, in this I have to disagree if we are talking about teenage pregnancies. Also remember we are talking about a generation or so ago - not today's more sexually educated folks.

 

[Splinter]

On a purely semantic level looking after your parents is a liability whether you want to accept that terminology or not.

Doing so puts you at a disadvantage as to what you would be otherwise.

If you deem this liability acceptable that’s all well and good, but it remains a liability nonetheless.

I think you mean, on a purely "financially analytical" level?

But, as most have said, it depends on the circumstances.

I wouldn't be where I am today without my mothers sacrifices. I will, and have, supported her subsequently. It gives me happiness to have spent this money on her. Especially when I can see what happiness (or lack of stress) it has given her.

My father on the other hand, can go raid dumpsters for all I care.