confused :(

[PsyWulf]

You sound very clingy. Some men dont like clingy girls. Stand up for yourself, show him you are OK without him, make him wonder, play hard to get, that works 80% of the time. People always want what they cant get - thats a fact - so show him, make him want you.

Marry me

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Now playing: Anberlin - Godspeed
via FoxyTunes

 

[Keeper]

my gf almost sounds like this - do what niccia said - make him want you - if you play easy to get he wouldn't even bother...

 

[CathJ]

my gf almost sounds like this - do what niccia said - make him want you - if you play easy to get he wouldn't even bother...

Maybe that works... but do you really want a relationship which is a constant game, instead of being yourself?

 

[PsyWulf]

Ok so the general impression I'm getting is that it seems to all of you that he is not interested? If that is the case then I accept your views. I am not exactly objective about this situation (seeing as I'm slap bang in the middle of it) which is why I asked for general advice.

Am I right in saying his actions seem more like that of somebody who isnt interested? Tell me straight so that I dont go on kidding myself and makinga fool of myself in front of a man who may not love me...

At the moment,he sounds like he needs time,and the more you pressure him the faster he's running away. Calm it down and if he wants to he'll start doing things to come to you

 

[Pitbull]

Ok so the general impression I'm getting is that it seems to all of you that he is not interested? If that is the case then I accept your views. I am not exactly objective about this situation (seeing as I'm slap bang in the middle of it) which is why I asked for general advice.

Am I right in saying his actions seem more like that of somebody who isnt interested? Tell me straight so that I dont go on kidding myself and makinga fool of myself in front of a man who may not love me...

Let me tell you this.

I drove from Rustenburg to PTA just about every second evening after work to go see the love of my live before I met my wife after our break-up. That is a 90 KM (180KM round trip). Sometimes I drove it in the dead of night just to surprise her with a rose or something 2am in the morning.

That is love, not wanting to drive 10 km's is an excuse not to see you. he has someone else Seriously, make yourself available and move on with life

He's not worthy of having you to begin with

 

[Kitten]

Depending on what the situation is, sometimes it is better to just let time show you what is right and what is wrong.

I had a friend in a similar situation, but his gf was on drugs hectically and screwed his life up completely. When she decided the fun had run out and wanted the relationship back, he agreed. Things went south very very fast.
I don't think its easy for anyone to give a fair comment based on what we know, so I really think just give it time. Being pushy and wanting more time with the person can end up very badly, as I know with myself if I want to see someone and they don't feel the same I get rather upset (and sometimes say things I shouldn't).

Good luck.

 

[PsyWulf]

If that really is the case then that would make him a liar & he is NOT a dishonest person at all. Never has been. He is the one person in the world that I trust completely.

Lieing and with-holding the truth to prevent somebody who seem(s)ed unstable are two different things really.

Yes honey those Jeans make you look fat,while honest,hurts. So you smile and say the opposite to save face

 

[semiautomatix]

Depending on what the situation is, sometimes it is better to just let time show you what is right and what is wrong.

I had a friend in a similar situation, but his gf was on drugs hectically and screwed his life up completely. When she decided the fun had run out and wanted the relationship back, he agreed. Things went south very very fast.
I don't think its easy for anyone to give a fair comment based on what we know, so I really think just give it time. Being pushy and wanting more time with the person can end up very badly, as I know with myself if I want to see someone and they don't feel the same I get rather upset (and sometimes say things I shouldn't).

Good luck.

Oooh! This is getting interesting!

/me makes popcorn

 

[Kitten]

Why is that interesting? Im giving my opinion based on what I have experienced through myself and friends ... I choose to hold back which is friend and which is me in order to save face as well!

 

[Kitten]

I also believe that if both parties love each other deeply, then they can overcome/work through almost anything! Barring a few things, anything is forgivable. From what I can gather from the posts they seem to both love each other, so good luck.

 

[Geriatrix]

Maybe that works... but do you really want a relationship which is a constant game, instead of being yourself?

No we're not talking power games here.
Let me put it like this;
Do you think is fair to make someone feel that your entire potential for happiness and sole reason for exsitance is dependant on that person and him/her alone? Do you think to put that kind of pressure on someone is loving and will lead to a healthy, mutual relationship?
Cause thats the impression needy and clingy people create.

 

[eek]

You know...once again I'm with Pitbull on this! I think his first post is all you need! So I'll quote it just so you can read it again! Clearly he's not as interested in you as you are in him, and a one-sided 'relationship' is nothing but bad news! Not to mention, it sounds to me like he's keeping you on the side, like a fallback if he gets lonely or if a 'possible other' does not work out.

SuperB

I'll shoot from the Hip anyway....

I would suggest you do the following, grab a couple of mates and hit the town. First sexy single guy you see.... Make conversation and get hooked up. The problem you're having is self confidence. You've been with you Ex for a couple of years I take it. You now feel that you can't go out and meet new people. YOU ARE VERY WRONG!.

Leave the useless mother. He has another woman, that is why he tries to see you as little as possible. He just wants to make you think there is hope so you don’t go and do something stupid to yourself.

GO OUT AND GET LAID ! Find the love of your life, have kids and live happily ever after I can hook you up with nice, descent guys if you want

Come to think of it, My brother in-law needs a new GF, I hate his wife and he is in the process of getting devorced

 

[CathJ]

No we're not talking power games here.
Let me put it like this;
Do you think is fair to make someone feel that your entire potential for happiness and sole reason for exsitance is dependant on that person and him/her alone? Do you think to put that kind of pressure on someone is loving and will lead to a healthy, mutual relationship?
Cause thats the impression needy and clingy people create.

Hmm, I see what you're saying. No, that's not a healthy relationship either.

But neither is feeling that the other person is ambivalent about you - it really sucks to be in a relationship where you feel that your supposed SO is fine if you come over, but is equally fine if you don't. You do want to feel a bit needed and wanted, so there is a middle ground.

I suspect a lot of these problems are due to communication errors; each side is misinterpreting what the other side actually wants and means. Short of developing telepathy, though, I don't see any way to solve it

 

[semiautomatix]

Why is that interesting? Im giving my opinion based on what I have experienced through myself and friends ... I choose to hold back which is friend and which is me in order to save face as well!

It is your opinion that's interesting. You definitely have a good opinion and grasp on the matter

 

[Kitten]

EEK! PITBULL! no, what kind of advice is "go out and get laid?" ...

Clearly you guys do not know what it feels like to be in this kind of situation. I do, superb does, and many many other people do. Just not you two shhhhhh.

I think going out and getting laid will put an end to anything ever happening between you and the man you love.

 

[Nicci]

I still say SuperB, tell him you need some space (its gonna hurt, but be strong) and then take some time for "metime". Take this time to reflect on your life, where you are, where you were, and where you want to be. I think you need to love yourself first, before you can love someone else. Forcing this guy into something he clearly isnt ready for, is selfish and cruel. I dont know how he is feeling, but from what I can read is that he is looking for excuses not to see you. Its a difficult situation, but at the end of the day, you need to be the most important person in your life. If it sounds harsh I do apologize, but I think a reality check here is in order.

 

[Pitbull]

EEK! PITBULL! no, what kind of advice is "go out and get laid?" ...

Clearly you guys do not know what it feels like to be in this kind of situation. I do, superb does, and many many other people do. Just not you two shhhhhh.

I think going out and getting laid will put an end to anything ever happening between you and the man you love.

No men have been through this 100's of times.

We also hurt, we also blame the guild trip. But Clinging on to something that is not there is just going to make you hurt even more. The quicker you realise that and move on the quicker you heal and the quicker you find a new awesome lover to make both your dreams come true.

If you live on hope only without action..... Life is going to end up being too long for you

 

[scrypt]

Well said Niccia! I agree with you 100%

 

[Kitten]

I disagree pitbull, how do you know what they have isn't the real thing, and that a few mistakes and harsh words ended it?

 

[Pitbull]

I still say SuperB, tell him you need some space (its gonna hurt, but be strong) and then take some time for "metime". Take this time to reflect on your life, where you are, where you were, and where you want to be. I think you need to love yourself first, before you can love someone else. Forcing this guy into something he clearly isnt ready for, is selfish and cruel. I dont know how he is feeling, but from what I can read is that he is looking for excuses not to see you. Its a difficult situation, but at the end of the day, you need to be the most important person in your life. If it sounds harsh I do apologize, but I think a reality check here is in order.

Well said Niccia! I agree with you 100%

It's only good advice if superB listens to herself. If not she will just create a bigger illusion for herself and cause even more paid. Best is to cut all ties and move on