confused :(

S

superB

Senior Member
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
765
Dolby said:
Am I reading a different post to the one that you guys are? I see you can't believe that he won't see her ; and that you'd drive to XYZ to see your girl ; and how can someone be like that ... but this is what I read :














The way I see it they're already apart ; they have no obligations to each other. Yet he still approached her when he thought she needed help. She didn't want him back in December - but she wants him back now? Should he run back because she said so?

Perhaps he also wants to protect himself from her ; and maybe that's why he's taking it slow? Perhaps after while of taking is slow, they're realise they're not good for each other - or vica versa.

Some of you have mentioned that he wouldn't drive a few KM to see her - but remember they're not together. He may also have driven to the ends of the earth to see her while dating - and done everything in his power to be with her!

Regardless, they've both agreed on slow. I guess they just need to define what 'slow' actually is.
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they're already apart ; they have no obligations to each

Rubbish. We may not be in an officiali relationship but that does not mean there are no obligatiosn. There are basic fundemantal things that are obligatory (imo) in any relationship- friendship or otherwise.

I.e: Honesty, compassion, communication, understanding.

I dont feel that I'm getting all of that at the moment. I dont like half measures and maybe that's a fault of mine, but I struggle with this whole thing of saying I love you, asking to sleep over, inviting me to sleep over etc etc and then saying I dont mean enough to him to be seen during the week. I'm getting very mixed signals and its been confusing up til now.

Perhaps he also wants to protect himself from her

Fair enough - I completely understand that he would want to do that BUT then why try at all? There can be no relationship of ANY sort without at least the desire to reinstate trust. A person cannot learn to trust some one again when they are physically giving them a chance but have mentally already decided that it will never work. I'm not sure who's time he is wasting more. Mine or his own? I'm not saying he has to trust me in a heartbeat but as it stands he doesnt think things will ever be any different. So what then? Is he just stringing me along?

She didn't want him back in December - but she wants him back now? Should he run back because she said so?

I wanted him back right from the word go. As pathetic as it may seem to everyone else, I begged him to change his mind the night he phoned me. Every day there after I sms'd him, called him, emailed him etc telling him that I still wanted to work things out and that I would be here if / when things changed for him. SO it's not like he hasnt known from day 1 that I still wanted to be in a relationship with him.

Some of you have mentioned that he wouldn't drive a few KM to see her - but remember they're not together

Yes. We're not together. But we're also not NOT together. When it suits him he says we arent together and therefore he doesnt have to make an effort. But when it does suit him (i.e weekends) then all of a sudden we're all close and re-evaluating etc etc. He is blowing hot and cold on me and I'm no rock. I can only take so much and to me it would be heartbreaking to lose him over something as stupid as week time visits.

I guess they just need to define what 'slow' actually is

That was in fact the problem. Basically he was unwilling to see things from my side or reach some kind of compromise, so here I am. Doing as he pleases. I dont nag during the week and play puppet on the weekends. In fact, I even get in **** if I dont spend EVERY waking hour of the weekend with him. Which to me is kinda rich. I have stuff to do on the weekend that I cant always do on weekdays. The most time I ever spend on myself is maybe a saturday afternoon. But then I get in trouble because 'we never see each other'.

Does anyone else see the irony in that statement?

ANYWAY, what's done is done. Like I said, I have to follow his rules now if I ever hope to see him.

*shrug*
 
D

Devill

Damned
Joined
Mar 25, 2008
Messages
26,822
Lol, why do you still want to be with him?

What makes you think he is the one?

Maybe you two are just not right for each other.
 
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