Crossroads, advice needed

requiem

requiem

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Hey guys, yes new nick, don't want a the average reader to be able to trace this to me.


Many many many many moons ago I met this girl, sister of a friend.

I was 13 at the time, i'm now 25, she is 23. Over the years, me and this girl became incredibly close, and due to the nature of our childhood, I sort of grew up with them, sortof like another son in the family.

The inevitable occured, I started to like this girl, and my own fear of rejection and destroying what was in the friendship at the time prevented me from ever acting on it.

There was always something, but never did it go too far, I spent many countless nights crying over this girl, wanting to push the boundaries, but my own fear prevented me from doing anything.

I eventually (about 3 years ago) accepted the fact that my "love" for her was simply infatuation and we are too close to pursue it further.

I have noticed though over the past 4 years every serious relationship I had there has been jealousy from my SO about her, and every single one of this girls boyfriends have been jealous of me. We always just shrugged it off, and pretended it wasn't there. Over and above that she and I have had a running agreement for the last 3 years that if we hit 40 and aren't married we will get married.

If you've ever watched "Just Friends" you will have some idea of how the relationship between us was like.

So recently, I got out of a fairly long term relationship, and a few weeks later my friend called me and invited me over for supper. So we went out and had a nice meal. Then we went pub crawling, and spoke and had a few drinks, and a few more. So being slightly inebriated things started to happen.

And now for the clincher, she told me she loves me, always has, and has been in love with me for near on a decade. I was so shocked I had absolutely no idea how to respond, so I told her she's lying, and it's the booze talking. She refuted this and spent about 10 minutes, telling me why, when and how she fell in love with me. Anyway, we got a bit drunker, and a bit more happened.


So this girl has been in love with me since high school, and has never broached the topic, has always been too afraid, much like myself..


I took her home, and she made me stay the night, (was already quite early in the morning). I didn't do anything further, you know the whole respect thing.




I went out with her again on friday, and she seemed reserved, slightly drawn back, and defensive. We spoke about what happened on wednesday, and she could only remember the second last pub we were at. Either she is lying, or truly doesn't remember. Either way the situation is slightly delicate atm.

My question is rather simple. How do I proceed, do I tell her what she said, or pretend she didn't say anything?
 
requiem said:
Hey guys, yes new nick, don't want a the average reader to be able to trace this to me.


Many many many many moons ago I met this girl, sister of a friend.

I was 13 at the time, i'm now 25, she is 23. Over the years, me and this girl became incredibly close, and due to the nature of our childhood, I sort of grew up with them, sortof like another son in the family.

The inevitable occured, I started to like this girl, and my own fear of rejection and destroying what was in the friendship at the time prevented me from ever acting on it.

There was always something, but never did it go too far, I spent many countless nights crying over this girl, wanting to push the boundaries, but my own fear prevented me from doing anything.

I eventually (about 3 years ago) accepted the fact that my "love" for her was simply infatuation and we are too close to pursue it further.

I have noticed though over the past 4 years every serious relationship I had there has been jealousy from my SO about her, and every single one of this girls boyfriends have been jealous of me. We always just shrugged it off, and pretended it wasn't there. Over and above that she and I have had a running agreement for the last 3 years that if we hit 40 and aren't married we will get married.

If you've ever watched "Just Friends" you will have some idea of how the relationship between us was like.

So recently, I got out of a fairly long term relationship, and a few weeks later my friend called me and invited me over for supper. So we went out and had a nice meal. Then we went pub crawling, and spoke and had a few drinks, and a few more. So being slightly inebriated things started to happen.

And now for the clincher, she told me she loves me, always has, and has been in love with me for near on a decade. I was so shocked I had absolutely no idea how to respond, so I told her she's lying, and it's the booze talking. She refuted this and spent about 10 minutes, telling me why, when and how she fell in love with me. Anyway, we got a bit drunker, and a bit more happened.


So this girl has been in love with me since high school, and has never broached the topic, has always been too afraid, much like myself..


I took her home, and she made me stay the night, (was already quite early in the morning). I didn't do anything further, you know the whole respect thing.




I went out with her again on friday, and she seemed reserved, slightly drawn back, and defensive. We spoke about what happened on wednesday, and she could only remember the second last pub we were at. Either she is lying, or truly doesn't remember. Either way the situation is slightly delicate atm.

My question is rather simple. How do I proceed, do I tell her what she said, or pretend she didn't say anything?
Click to expand...

Oooh that's a toughie. I'd tell her what she said, as a lot of people myself included normally blurt out true feeling when shozzled, however drinking also makes you blurt out things because you're in the "happy zone" I'd take a chance dude, by telling her what she said and then at the same time tell her how you feel. It may just be she knows what she said and is too scared to admit it in case you reject her. The same thing that may have been stopping her from telling you all these years.

It's worth a shot I think, I mean it may take another 10 years for her to say anything again, then you may have lost another chance to be together.

Sounds like it could be an awesome relationship dude, I'd go for it...
 
RetroBok said:
It's worth a shot I think, I mean it may take another 10 years for her to say anything again, then you may have lost another chance to be together.
Click to expand...

Retro is right.Just go for it.Tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels about you,whilst sober.If you love her then its worth trying to make things work.If things don't work out chances are that you will still be great friends.Rather now than later things can still change and you don't want to live with regret.
 
I'm with RetroBok

You love her, seems she loves you. Ask her out, tell her how you feel about her. She's probably very uncertain at the moment, she probably does remember saying that stuff to you ( I can remember everything I do when sozzled), but isn't too sure how you're taking her disclosure. Fear of rejection kicks in and she'll think she messed up, and so will pretend she doesn't remember saying anything etc, to allow you a graceful out.

Go for it.
 
Dude you should have bonked her when you had the chance :p

Just kidding. But honestly tell her what she said and about how you have also cropped up these feelings for so many years.

Do you honestly want to wait another 10-15 years before you get another chance. And remember that in the process you will be hurting other people. If you do not act on it now and it goes back to "normal", both of you will again date other people but deep down you know you want each other. In the end you will just end up breaking the hearts of other innocent people.

JUST DO IT.
 
Rather to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
 
I'm crippled by fear of what might go wrong , she has been my best friend for half my life. Losing that will be hell
 
If she's been your best friend for half your life, telling her how you feel about her wont change that. Will it be awkward to still be friends if she doesn't feel the same? Probably but eventually that will pass and life will move on from there. You will always be friends trust me. The only question that is unknown is will you be more than just friends. You don't have much to lose here. Just go for it otherwise you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Sometimes in life you just have to take the bull by the horns. You'll be surprised at how it turns out. You cannot let fear and insecurities hold you back. You'll end up miserable and alone and a fragment of the person you could really be.

GO FOR IT!
 
I say just ask her out for a couple of platonic dates.

She will eventually again warm up to the idea of you two being together. And she will again be the first one to say it. But all the while from your point you must be ready to "catch the ball" so-to-speak. Your behaviour must refelct this.
 
I am slightly worried that she drank so much that she cannot remember all the events of the evening, but that's just me :)

Go for it. You only live (this life) once.

You do not want to be 60 and saying to yourself "I should have". Better to do something and it does not work out than forever wishing that you did.
 
requiem said:
I'm crippled by fear of what might go wrong , she has been my best friend for half my life. Losing that will be hell
Click to expand...

Well, you could "confront" her, OR you could pretend you think she was just drunk, play the whole thing off as a bit of a joke, but a joke you like the idea of, and are flattered by. You could use the opportunity as roleplay. Roleplay is a good method because its fun, and you are playing someone else, so you can say what you really think in a fun way, without the chance of your own ego taking the full brunt of rejection. People find it easier to open up and say what they really think when they are roleplaying. Act like you two are love birds, Call her pet names etc. do it in a funny flirtacious way, and tease her about it.
Each time she says something that you like to hear, don't freeze or be shocked, or get serious and start asking questions.. Smile and just play along.
You need to make her comfortable with opening up to you, so she needs to know that your reaction will be somewhat predictable, for her to escalate. But these are kinda high stakes, so don't take anyones advice without thinking it through. You know her, you know your relationship, we don't.
 
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Thanks for all the advise guys.

I think, it is time to confront my fears, doing nothing out of fear will be much worse to deal with in the long term, than getting the worst possible news.

Wish me luck, any comments you want to still add, go for it, will be seeing her in the coming week.
 
It involves alcohol and young women and is somewhat emo... My guess is its DJK... :p
 
nah, DJK would know what to do, it's not him.

Just do it dude, don't regret it for the rest of your life because, BELIEVE ME, you do NOT want that.

go 4 it.
 
Now to wait, t.o all those who responded thank u . I'll keep u updated and make public my identity after the fact
 
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