Depression.

Yip, currently on meds (3rd combination of meds in the last 2 years). I try to get to the gym every day, it seems to help a bit. I do feel better when getting exercise and some sunshine. But the last couple of days, I could not get out of bed to go to the gym, which makes me hate myself more. Feels like I failed at yet another thing. Going to therapy once, maybe twice a month. It takes a lot out of me, I am usually very down after a session, but then it gets better after I have had time to digest what we talked about. But I am really struggling with lifestyle changes, don't know what and how. Tried doing mountain biking, went well for while, then lost interest for some reason. I can't seem to find any direction or focus. I would like to make new friends, but I don't know how.

Sometimes it just takes finding the right meds that can have you back to your old self. Be sure to tell your doctor about the lethargy. You might be feeling like a zombie...just going through the motions? You shouldn't have to feel that way. I'm not saying you need to change your meds, but you do need to tell your doctor about these feelings of lethargy and apathy which could be a side effect of the meds you're taking. I would also suggest giving up alcohol as that can interfere with the effectiveness of the medication. You could also try a low carb way of eating which does raise your energy levels. You'll feel awful the first week when changing to low carb, but after the second week you should feel great.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1126396-does-low-carb-really-cause-depression
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2590880/Can-Atkins-style-diet-really-fight-depression-Research-suggests-low-carb-high-fat-foods-drastically-improve-mental-health.html

You shouldn't have a problem making friends once you're back to your old self, and don't let your depression make you hate yourself. You need to learn to differentiate between your own feelings and the feelings that depression gives you.
 
By all accounts I've had a perfectly reasonable day (in fact, a staggeringly awesome day, in comparison to many).

Still, I spent the journey home thinking about dying in a car crash, and that I wouldn't really mind.

I sit here now feeling almost embarrassed about typing this out, as it sounds really ****ing counter-productive and melodramatic, but if not, why not? The thread is here for these sort of thoughts.

I want to explain how **** I feel, not for purposes of sympathy, but so those who have expressed an interest in what depression can mean practically, can get a better idea. It does rather come across as moaning for the sake of it though.

Some words to encapsulate it: disconnected, numb, foggy, empty, barren, unmotivated, drained.

No worries though, from experience, there's only up from this sort of low.

wtf!

Pardon me.
 
awe sorry to hear that copa.

Is that a bipolar type of down or the constant depression type (seeing how you mention there is only one way[up])?
 
It's just an out-of-left-field cloud that descends.

Weirdest thing.

Having dealt with people with serious bipolar disorder, it's certainly not that, just a dip. Which we all go through, of course, it's just the depth of it is utterly unconnected to the life external.
 
By all accounts I've had a perfectly reasonable day (in fact, a staggeringly awesome day, in comparison to many).

Still, I spent the journey home thinking about dying in a car crash, and that I wouldn't really mind.

I sit here now feeling almost embarrassed about typing this out, as it sounds really ****ing counter-productive and melodramatic, but if not, why not? The thread is here for these sort of thoughts.

I want to explain how **** I feel, not for purposes of sympathy, but so those who have expressed an interest in what depression can mean practically, can get a better idea. It does rather come across as moaning for the sake of it though.

Some words to encapsulate it: disconnected, numb, foggy, empty, barren, unmotivated, drained.

No worries though, from experience, there's only up from this sort of low.

wtf!

Pardon me.

absolutely

Strongs mate!
 
By all accounts I've had a perfectly reasonable day (in fact, a staggeringly awesome day, in comparison to many).

Still, I spent the journey home thinking about dying in a car crash, and that I wouldn't really mind.

I sit here now feeling almost embarrassed about typing this out, as it sounds really ****ing counter-productive and melodramatic, but if not, why not? The thread is here for these sort of thoughts.

I want to explain how **** I feel, not for purposes of sympathy, but so those who have expressed an interest in what depression can mean practically, can get a better idea. It does rather come across as moaning for the sake of it though.

Some words to encapsulate it: disconnected, numb, foggy, empty, barren, unmotivated, drained.

No worries though, from experience, there's only up from this sort of low.

wtf!

Pardon me.
I know this all to well lately
 
By all accounts I've had a perfectly reasonable day (in fact, a staggeringly awesome day, in comparison to many).

Still, I spent the journey home thinking about dying in a car crash, and that I wouldn't really mind.

i find it interesting (for want of a better word) that one can have a really good day, but then have those feelings on the way home - almost as if one did not deserve, or was not worthy of having the good day in the 1st place.
seems like part of the brain is saying "well it's been a very good day, but now that needs to the countered with some negative feelings in order to reach equilibrium" disallowing one to enjoy the fruits of a good day.
 
i find it interesting (for want of a better word) that one can have a really good day, but then have those feelings on the way home - almost as if one did not deserve, or was not worthy of having the good day in the 1st place.
seems like part of the brain is saying "well it's been a very good day, but now that needs to the countered with some negative feelings in order to reach equilibrium" disallowing one to enjoy the fruits of a good day.
+1

I don't feel terrible, but going home is a pain for me - as are most weekends.
 
Sometimes it just takes finding the right meds that can have you back to your old self. Be sure to tell your doctor about the lethargy. You might be feeling like a zombie...just going through the motions? You shouldn't have to feel that way. I'm not saying you need to change your meds, but you do need to tell your doctor about these feelings of lethargy and apathy which could be a side effect of the meds you're taking. I would also suggest giving up alcohol as that can interfere with the effectiveness of the medication. You could also try a low carb way of eating which does raise your energy levels. You'll feel awful the first week when changing to low carb, but after the second week you should feel great.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1126396-does-low-carb-really-cause-depression
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2590880/Can-Atkins-style-diet-really-fight-depression-Research-suggests-low-carb-high-fat-foods-drastically-improve-mental-health.html

You shouldn't have a problem making friends once you're back to your old self, and don't let your depression make you hate yourself. You need to learn to differentiate between your own feelings and the feelings that depression gives you.

Cool, will check out the low carb diet from next week, need to go grocery shopping this weekend. To be honest I haven't given much thought to what I am eating, but it tends to go towards take outs when I am feeling bad.

I hope you are right with the friends thing. I need to do something about that. Haven't been out with friends for at least 2 months, nevermind a date, that's more like 2 years.

One of my co-workers came and pulled me out of bed at 10 this morning, because I did not show up to work. Weirdly I am feeling a bit better now, still very down, but better than earlier this week. Going to watch some TV now, trying to get into bed before 10 for a good nights sleep.
 
i just give up on ever trying to fix anything.
 
Can you elaborate what you mean by that last part?

(#NoTroll genuinely asking.)
When you show genuine concern for another person, that person tends to pick it up as someone trying too hard - rather than actual help. Our nature is geared towards challenges, so we tend to reject those who do care and then try to make those who don't - care.
 
When you show genuine concern for another person, that person tends to pick it up as someone trying too hard - rather than actual help. Our nature is geared towards challenges, so we tend to reject those who do care and then try to make those who don't - care.

Okey, I understand what you meant now. Agree with you too
 
People can smell trying too hard a mile away. Human psychology is so ****ed up...

i've lost hours upon hours of work, and thousands of rands because people feel insecure about their sexuality :p

before this, i lost another project because people were so insecure in discussing things, that i lost everything i had worked on and paid for then too

so now i'm left with nothing but my day job once again and my beautiful family - all is still great. i just wish i had a way to express myself more, or do something more for people and help those that need it. i also wish i could carry on being who i really am in my own privacy, but there will always be people like that in life that won't be happy until they've ruined everything.
 
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