Depression.

STS said:
I am despicable. I have bouts of self-loathing which shifts to days of self-love. I have days where i feel lonely and days when i'm happy without anyone bothering me. I tried both sides of the coin, i tried using my experiences to help others be better people and that ****ed up, then i used my experiences to serve my own selfish interests for pleasure and money, and i ****ed that up too

i can tell that if it wasn't for my family and my incredibly beautiful son, i would have offed myself already, not because i don't love life but because i know how despicable i am going to be one day. and THAT depresses me, because i want to off myself right NOW because i know my problems are unfixable, but i also want to be a good father and a better person for the people i come into contact with



i'm glad i could tell a bunch of strangers how crap my life is, now i can go into life tomorrow with my secrets where they are and feel all stress free
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Jesus, boet. Use your experience to be good to yourself and your family. The rest can sort themselves out.
 
STS said:
I am despicable. I have bouts of self-loathing which shifts to days of self-love. I have days where i feel lonely and days when i'm happy without anyone bothering me. I tried both sides of the coin, i tried using my experiences to help others be better people and that ****ed up, then i used my experiences to serve my own selfish interests for pleasure and money, and i ****ed that up too

i can tell that if it wasn't for my family and my incredibly beautiful son, i would have offed myself already, not because i don't love life but because i know how despicable i am going to be one day. and THAT depresses me, because i want to off myself right NOW because i know my problems are unfixable, but i also want to be a good father and a better person for the people i come into contact with



i'm glad i could tell a bunch of strangers how crap my life is, now i can go into life tomorrow with my secrets where they are and feel all stress free :p
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No you feel you are despicable. I still don't know why you can't accept yourself the way you are.
 
STS said:
I am despicable. I have bouts of self-loathing which shifts to days of self-love. I have days where i feel lonely and days when i'm happy without anyone bothering me. I tried both sides of the coin, i tried using my experiences to help others be better people and that ****ed up, then i used my experiences to serve my own selfish interests for pleasure and money, and i ****ed that up too

i can tell that if it wasn't for my family and my incredibly beautiful son, i would have offed myself already, not because i don't love life but because i know how despicable i am going to be one day. and THAT depresses me, because i want to off myself right NOW because i know my problems are unfixable, but i also want to be a good father and a better person for the people i come into contact with



i'm glad i could tell a bunch of strangers how crap my life is, now i can go into life tomorrow with my secrets where they are and feel all stress free :p
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I found this interesting
http://www.psychalive.org/i-hate-myself/
 
D3nz said:
I found this interesting
http://www.psychalive.org/i-hate-myself/
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Will read this a bit later.

But there are different reasons to hate yourself. Some worse than others.

Some might hate themselves because they think they are a push over. Some because they think they are ugly. Others because they perhaps were driving when a accident happened and their child was killed in said accident.
 
STS, you're going to have to trust one of us with your secrets. I mean I'm ****ing dodgy, but I don't care too much.
 
D3nz said:
I found this interesting
http://www.psychalive.org/i-hate-myself/
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It is interesting and i'm grateful for you sharing it, i just feel like some things i have no control over or i'd simply choose not to engage in that mindset or behaviour if i could

Garson007 said:
STS, you're going to have to trust one of us with your secrets. I mean I'm ****ing dodgy, but I don't care too much.
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i honestly don't want to bother anyone, i just havw my weak moments where i be an ass online and post
 
Jesus Christ. These bad days are few and far between, but this week has been a ****ing spiral of note. I can't seem to find any trigger either, which infuriates me.
 
I don't understand how anyone can voluntarily kick their own bucket. Think about all the stuff you're going to miss out on - Oculus Rift and other virtual reality, all the amazing video games and video systems, all the Marvel movies, uncountable TV shows and other forms of entertainment, all the future cars, all the future technology in general etc. Not to mention we're the first generation to even sniff the possibility of human immortality thanks to whatever magical things science achieves in the coming decades. The world of 2050+ is going to have crazy tech, and I intend to be around to enjoy it.

Come on people - you should need to be dragged kicking and screaming into the good night if it's time to go.
 
I don't think I'd ever be driven towards suicide. If I were to be, it would be as a cry for help.

I'm super excited (and disturbed) by the future and I do want to live forever. I just don't want to experience the present emotionally alone.
 
This is one of my worse days yet this year. I need to get back on the Vitamin D FAST.
 
Swa said:
This is one of my worse days yet this year. I need to get back on the Vitamin D FAST.
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are you suffering from depression?
I guess what I'm asking is whether you are on anti-depression medication.
 
iCyber said:
are you suffering from depression?
I guess what I'm asking is whether you are on anti-depression medication.
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I have depression mainly due to malabsorption. I am not on any anti-depressants and am glad I avoided that route.
 
I have PTSD which led to extreme anxiety/panic attacks/ocd and depression.
Ive been on meds for 21 yrs now and all the meds allow me to do is cope and take away the massive anxiety.
Other than that i reckon im still majorly depressed.Ive tried probably all the anti-depressants and like i say all they do is allow me to cope.My mood is still **** day in and day out.I do alot of excersise and gym,which certainly does make a difference for the few hours after a session but then back down into the dumps again.I have seen 2 psych docs with similar diagnoses.Major depression,major anxiety disorder.
Just thought id share and maybe someone can offer a different perspective on meds etc
 
Garson007 said:
I think I'm legitimately losing my mind.
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How are you doing dude?

saflyfish said:
I have PTSD which led to extreme anxiety/panic attacks/ocd and depression.
Ive been on meds for 21 yrs now and all the meds allow me to do is cope and take away the massive anxiety.
Other than that i reckon im still majorly depressed.Ive tried probably all the anti-depressants and like i say all they do is allow me to cope.My mood is still **** day in and day out.I do alot of excersise and gym,which certainly does make a difference for the few hours after a session but then back down into the dumps again.I have seen 2 psych docs with similar diagnoses.Major depression,major anxiety disorder.
Just thought id share and maybe someone can offer a different perspective on meds etc
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I've just signed up for gym myself, and I am confident that regular exercise is going to have a positive impact on my situation. When it it comes to anxiety, I assume you don't use any stimulants such as sugar, nicotine and coffee? These things had an absolutely enormous impact on my anxiety levels, which are now essentially non-existent these days, as I have for the most part cut all these things out of my diet.

*edit*

Also - Alcohol: Don't drink it, period. Worst substance for depression ever.

With regard to medication, I started on Citalopram, and a while back changed to Escitalopram which is in effect just a doubling (iirc) of the efffective dose. My life on medication is very very different to life not on medication, in a good way. A change of scenery (new city) has helped a lot, and I am at a stage now, where I am consistently trying to make sensible decisions in my day to day life, as I slowly figure out what sort of actions lead to positive results...
 
I have been on all the meds and they basically have minimal effect on the depression,but certainly help the anxiety disorders.
I havnt tried any of the newer ssri's of the last 2 yrs but i believe they all the same anyway.
The very weird thing about my situation is that i seem to be "allergic" to anti-psychotics (Risperdal,Seroquel etc)
If i take these i just freak out,dont know what the heck they do to me.They are supposed to assist ssri's effectiveness in severe depression(you dont have to be psychotic to take anti psychotics btw).They have a very bad effect on me!
 
copacetic said:
How are you doing dude?
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I'm doing well. My depression doesn't feel chronic. In that time I've largely moved on with my life and I've again become involved with some older friends of mine as well as new ones. The number one important thing for me is to always have something going on in my life or I will again become depressed.
 
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