Depression.

[animal531]

Never? Mind linking to that?

I'm aware of recent guidance leaning towards hyperbolic tapering of some SSRIs (like ten percent of current dose at a time), meaning it ultimately takes an extremely long time to wean off it.

I'll have to google, not sure where I read the article as it was a while ago now.

The never applies in this case to the people who are reporting the long term issues and were calling for more research, but if it was everyone then it would have been picked up much earlier as something to be aware of.

The slower you can wean off the better its going to be overall.

 

[AnimateX]

Sidenote on SSRI's.

Some people are beginning to ask for more long term studies, it seems that if you've been taking them at a certain dosage for a long time that you're never going to be the same again when you stop. There could be severe ongoing physical issues (even with proper tapering off) and many people are beginning to report that afterward their emotional state and/or sexual function never recovers.

I got prescribed SNRIs for about a year and when I stopped taking them it took me at least two years to get rid of their nasty side effects. Messing with your brain chemistry should not be taken lightly. I know they help some people but we are not all the same, and this is something the pill pushers prefer not to acknowledge.

 

[AnimateX]

I think the worst dark moment I've experienced so far is that I am not loved by anyone nor do I have anyone to love. Most of my immediate family has died. The last family member I had a good connection with died last year. My old friends I had to distance myself from because they were stoners and I've been clean from weed for three years now, so I couldn't hang around them any more. The remaining friend I had moved away last year to another country and we have lost contact.

My boss might be bummed that he has to hire someone else, but if I had to take myself out tomorrow no-one else would really care.

And that's what scares me, I don't even have to worry about "loved ones" because I don't have them, so why do I continue alone?

Maybe just some hope that things could be better, that I still have time to try to course-correct and build a another life for myself, but at my age and financial situation it just seems unsurmountable. I see a Clinical Psychologist twice a month and while it helps having someone to talk to I get the feeling that they really are out of their depth.

How can you live being alone and without love.

 

[animal531]

I got prescribed SNRIs for about a year and when I stopped taking them it took me at least two years to get rid of their nasty side effects. Messing with your brain chemistry should not be taken lightly. I know they help some people but we are not all the same, and this is something the pill pushers prefer not to acknowledge.

Dang, that was a long recovery time vs the amount you were on them.

I myself have been on a low 5mg dose for probably 8 years now. From that amount you can't do too much tapering, but I tried to halve them etc. for a while before I stopped taking them. It started off fine but after a month or so I was either getting really sad or angry all the time which didn't really feel like it was worth the effort, so I just re-started taking them.

 

[AnimateX]

Dang, that was a long recovery time vs the amount you were on them.

I myself have been on a low 5mg dose for probably 8 years now. From that amount you can't do too much tapering, but I tried to halve them etc. for a while before I stopped taking them. It started off fine but after a month or so I was either getting really sad or angry all the time which didn't really feel like it was worth the effort, so I just re-started taking them.

Understandable. Always be cautious. For the SNRIs I was taking 50mg was the lowest dose and you couldn't halve them because they had a "matrix" slow release covering which if you broke would get you the full dose so I just had to go cold turkey in the end. If they work for you that's all that matters.

 

[TribbleZA]

I think the worst dark moment I've experienced so far is that I am not loved by anyone nor do I have anyone to love. Most of my immediate family has died. The last family member I had a good connection with died last year. My old friends I had to distance myself from because they were stoners and I've been clean from weed for three years now, so I couldn't hang around them any more. The remaining friend I had moved away last year to another country and we have lost contact.

My boss might be bummed that he has to hire someone else, but if I had to take myself out tomorrow no-one else would really care.

And that's what scares me, I don't even have to worry about "loved ones" because I don't have them, so why do I continue alone?

Maybe just some hope that things could be better, that I still have time to try to course-correct and build a another life for myself, but at my age and financial situation it just seems unsurmountable. I see a Clinical Psychologist twice a month and while it helps having someone to talk to I get the feeling that they really are out of their depth.

How can you live being alone and without love.

I wish there was a hug emoticon. I cannot imagine what it feels like to be so lonely. Being alone is fine - but lonely is something completely different - and you have both. You do need to see if you can join a group or start a hobby so that you have people you can talk to. Talking to people means you might make a new friend. There are online groups that are for making friends - not the sexual kind. Start there perhaps. I am thinking of joining a painting class - always wanted to learn how to paint. Find something that interests you and see if meeting like-minded people helps. At least it will break the monotony. Do you have pets?

 

[AnimateX]

I wish there was a hug emoticon. I cannot imagine what it feels like to be so lonely. Being alone is fine - but lonely is something completely different - and you have both. You do need to see if you can join a group or start a hobby so that you have people you can talk to. Talking to people means you might make a new friend. There are online groups that are for making friends - not the sexual kind. Start there perhaps. I am thinking of joining a painting class - always wanted to learn how to paint. Find something that interests you and see if meeting like-minded people helps. At least it will break the monotony. Do you have pets?

Hmm.. a painting class sounds like a good idea. Will look around and maybe also browse Meetup again. No I don't have pets, not allowed where I stay.

 

[maumau]

A guy in my complex committed suicide last night and I wonder if he'd be alive today had he found the friend he needed

Stay safe guys, look after yourselves, it's tough out there

 

[Binary_Bark]

I think the worst dark moment I've experienced so far is that I am not loved by anyone nor do I have anyone to love. Most of my immediate family has died. The last family member I had a good connection with died last year. My old friends I had to distance myself from because they were stoners and I've been clean from weed for three years now, so I couldn't hang around them any more. The remaining friend I had moved away last year to another country and we have lost contact.

I get this a lot, the combination of ASD, ADHD, and alexithymia can really intensify those feelings that no one cares.

Personally, I have very little contact with my family. My mother and I speak occasionally, but it's inconsistent and strained. Most of the time, when we do meet, it ends in a big argument. As for friends and acquaintances, they rarely last. Like you mentioned, some were drinkers or generally negative influences, people you eventually need to distance yourself from.

Having ASD and ADHD often means you've spent years masking, trying to appear “normal” in a society that’s predominantly neurotypical, one where being different often feels like being put on display at a zoo.

Friends come and go for everyone, but for neurodivergent individuals, it's even harder to maintain connections. One contributing factor is something we struggle with called "object permanence" if we don’t see it, we tend to feel like it no longer exists. That includes relationships, which only adds to the emotional weight we already carry.

Making and maintaining friendships is generally more difficult for neurodivergent people. High levels of anxiety, stress, and a lifetime of ridicule, suppression, and masking don’t make it any easier.

My boss might be bummed that he has to hire someone else, but if I had to take myself out tomorrow no-one else would really care.

And that's what scares me, I don't even have to worry about "loved ones" because I don't have them, so why do I continue alone?

I really hear you. When you're in that kind of headspace, I was there last week, it can make everything feel heavier and harder. In a world moving at breakneck speed, where everything is about instant gratification and performance, it's easy to feel like you're just… lost. Like you’re not contributing, not connected, not even sure why you’re still pushing forward. And yeah, when that spirals, it’s hard not to ask: why even bother?

As for “loved ones”, I get it. That word can feel meaningless when you don’t have anyone close, or when you constantly feel like no one really cares. That emptiness, that silence, it eats at you. You're not alone in that feeling, even if it feels like you are.

Maybe just some hope that things could be better, that I still have time to try to course-correct and build a another life for myself, but at my age and financial situation it just seems unsurmountable. I see a Clinical Psychologist twice a month and while it helps having someone to talk to I get the feeling that they really are out of their depth.

How can you live being alone and without love.

I've tried to change course, many times. And it usually starts well. But then the winds pick up, the sea swells, and the hurricane approaches. You do your best: steer carefully, bring down the sails, try to move from its path, do whatever you can to stay afloat. But some of the cannon hatches are still open, water seeps in.

Then comes the unavoidable that reef in the dark, the one you've hit before, the one you've tried so hard to avoid. You've taken drastic steps, learned new routes, even rebuilt the ship... but somehow, you're stranded again.

As for living alone and without love, I still don't know how. I keep searching for answers. But most days, all I see are jagged rocks.



I don’t have neat answers wrapped all in a pretty bow, and maybe that’s okay. What you’ve written, echoes with parts of me I rarely say out loud. We’re out here, some of us just clinging to driftwood, some still trying to rebuild ships that keep breaking. Some days there’s no land in sight, just jagged rocks, open sea, and exhaustion.

But somehow, even in all this, we’re still here, you and I, so are those here. Not thriving, maybe not even really living the way we wish, but still here. Still speaking. Still trying.

Maybe that’s not hope in the bright, shiny sense. Maybe it’s something smaller. Something like breath in the wreckage. A tiny, stubborn heartbeat that says: Not gone yet.

And if nothing else, let that be a tether. You're not the only one out in this storm.

 

[AnimateX]

I get this a lot, the combination of ASD, ADHD, and alexithymia can really intensify those feelings that no one cares.

I have traits of ASD, and it's a battle most days. I never know when people actually have their own thing going on if they don't want to engage with me because of something I imagined "I did". Feeling like I'm navigating relationships blind.

Having ASD and ADHD often means you've spent years masking, trying to appear “normal” in a society that’s predominantly neurotypical, one where being different often feels like being put on display at a zoo.

When I was a kid I honestly thought I might be an alien, because I couldn't relate to anyone, seems silly now but hey I didn't have the reasoning skills I have now.

Making and maintaining friendships is generally more difficult for neurodivergent people. High levels of anxiety, stress, and a lifetime of ridicule, suppression, and masking don’t make it any easier.

Geez, I feel this so much.

Then comes the unavoidable that reef in the dark, the one you've hit before, the one you've tried so hard to avoid. You've taken drastic steps, learned new routes, even rebuilt the ship... but somehow, you're stranded again.

I've had multiple episodes over my life where I feel like I'm making progress, then "imposter syndrome" hits and right back where I started and everything feels like it's my fault for messing things up once again.

I don’t have neat answers wrapped all in a pretty bow, and maybe that’s okay. What you’ve written, echoes with parts of me I rarely say out loud. We’re out here, some of us just clinging to driftwood, some still trying to rebuild ships that keep breaking. Some days there’s no land in sight, just jagged rocks, open sea, and exhaustion.

Lots of people will disagree but I doubt anyone has the answers. You make your own reality and while I'm still searching for my own, it's your actions in that uncertainty that I think matters.

But somehow, even in all this, we’re still here, you and I, so are those here. Not thriving, maybe not even really living the way we wish, but still here. Still speaking. Still trying.

Maybe that’s not hope in the bright, shiny sense. Maybe it’s something smaller. Something like breath in the wreckage. A tiny, stubborn heartbeat that says: Not gone yet.

And if nothing else, let that be a tether. You're not the only one out in this storm.

Thank you for your positive words. Oh I'm not going anywhere. My therapist recently alluded to me being "a stubborn bastard". Not her words but the gist of the conversation. I will keep trying until I'm unable to physically. Do remember to be that stubborn heartbeat in your own life.

 

[OnlyOneKenobi]

Thank you for your positive words. Oh I'm not going anywhere. My therapist recently alluded to me being "a stubborn bastard". Not her words but the gist of the conversation. I will keep trying until I'm unable to physically. Do remember to be that stubborn heartbeat in your own life.

Being stubborn can be a good thing. For one, you refuse to go down without a fight no matter how tired you get.

 

[Binary_Bark]

I have traits of ASD, and it's a battle most days. I never know when people actually have their own thing going on if they don't want to engage with me because of something I imagined "I did". Feeling like I'm navigating relationships blind.

When I was a kid I honestly thought I might be an alien, because I couldn't relate to anyone, seems silly now but hey I didn't have the reasoning skills I have now.

Geez, I feel this so much.

I've had multiple episodes over my life where I feel like I'm making progress, then "imposter syndrome" hits and right back where I started and everything feels like it's my fault for messing things up once again.

Lots of people will disagree but I doubt anyone has the answers. You make your own reality and while I'm still searching for my own, it's your actions in that uncertainty that I think matters.

Thank you for your positive words. Oh I'm not going anywhere. My therapist recently alluded to me being "a stubborn bastard". Not her words but the gist of the conversation. I will keep trying until I'm unable to physically. Do remember to be that stubborn heartbeat in your own life.

Have you gone to get diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. For me, at 33 I got diagnosed, then suddenly the realisation. My psychologist has helped to navigate it. Unfortunately, she decided to move to CT. To be fair, can't judge, better opportunities. But it still has a strong feeling of abandonment, someone finally helping then, gone.

My therapist recently alluded to me being "a stubborn bastard". Not her words but the gist of the conversation. I will keep trying until I'm unable to physically. Do remember to be that stubborn heartbeat in your own life.

This seems to be very typical for neurodivergent people, years of masking and "acting"
My psychologist called me a classical combative and stubborn personality, not willing to share or just talk. We tend to fight and resist. Took pur sessions six months before hard personal truths came out.

 

[Binary_Bark]

The irony is, people with ASD and ADHD were probably seen as vital in ancient times. We were the ones who couldn’t sit still, who got bored easily, and who looked for new ways to hunt or survive. Our restlessness pushed us to explore the next valley instead of staying in the same settlement.

We were the ones who thought differently, the ones who came up with ideas in a pinch when others froze. ADHD brains thrive in chaos and unpredictability, while the ASD side hates that same chaos and wants structure and control. It’s a strange internal tug-of-war, constantly switching between craving stimulation and needing peace.

 

[AnimateX]

Have you gone to get diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. For me, at 33 I got diagnosed, then suddenly the realisation. My psychologist has helped to navigate it. Unfortunately, she decided to move to CT. To be fair, can't judge, better opportunities. But it still has a strong feeling of abandonment, someone finally helping then, gone.



This seems to be very typical for neurodivergent people, years of masking and "acting"
My psychologist called me a classical combative and stubborn personality, not willing to share or just talk. We tend to fight and resist. Took pur sessions six months before hard personal truths came out.

I've previously been diagnosed with MDD and GAD, but my current psychologist refuses to diagnose with me anything because she "doesn't believe in labels". Yeah major red flag but I tried to find another psychologist in my area and she's what I'm stuck with for now.

 

[Binary_Bark]

I've previously been diagnosed with MDD and GAD, but my current psychologist refuses to diagnose with me anything because she "doesn't believe in labels". Yeah major red flag but I tried to find another psychologist in my area and she's what I'm stuck with for now.

That's the thing, it can be used as a label, but for us neurodivergent people it is very important to know mine started with that "I don't want to label" crap.
Don't care, want to know. Personally, I would suggest get a new psychologist with the inclusion of a neurologist. I know the switch is not easy, still searching for my replacement. It's the whole re-build trust and not fight back all over again. Not easy to do, I know. Still haven't found one I "like"

 

[Sinbad]

The irony is, people with ASD and ADHD were probably seen as vital in ancient times. We were the ones who couldn’t sit still, who got bored easily, and who looked for new ways to hunt or survive. Our restlessness pushed us to explore the next valley instead of staying in the same settlement.

We were the ones who thought differently, the ones who came up with ideas in a pinch when others froze. ADHD brains thrive in chaos and unpredictability, while the ASD side hates that same chaos and wants structure and control. It’s a strange internal tug-of-war, constantly switching between craving stimulation and needing peace.

Neanderthal Gene Variants Are Linked to Autism Traits in Modern Humans, Study Finds
A recent study published in Molecular Psychiatry reveals that certain genetic variants inherited from Neanderthals may influence traits associated with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
Researchers from Clemson and Loyola Universities analyzed whole-genome data from individuals with autism, their unaffected siblings, and unrelated controls.
They discovered that specific Neanderthal-derived gene snippets appeared more frequently in autistic individuals—not due to a greater overall Neanderthal DNA presence, but because of unique brain-related variants. These variants were linked to stronger visual processing and weaker activity in brain networks tied to social interaction, mirroring some common autistic traits.
The findings offer a surprising evolutionary perspective: ancient genes that may once have enhanced survival in small, perceptually focused Neanderthal communities could still shape modern cognitive styles. These inherited traits—such as heightened attention to detail, visual acuity, and logical planning—may help explain the global presence of autism and shared strengths seen across neurodiverse families. While genetics is only one piece of the puzzle, the study reframes autism as part of humanity’s diverse evolutionary legacy, challenging outdated notions of neurodiversity as merely a disorder rather than a natural variation rooted in our shared past.
This discovery adds to the growing view that neurodiversity is a deeply rooted part of human evolution—not a flaw, but a feature.
Read more: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-024-02593-7

 

[AnimateX]

That's the thing, it can be used as a label, but for us neurodivergent people it is very important to know mine started with that "I don't want to label" crap.
Don't care, want to know. Personally, I would suggest get a new psychologist with the inclusion of a neurologist. I know the switch is not easy, still searching for my replacement. It's the whole re-build trust and not fight back all over again. Not easy to do, I know. Still haven't found one I "like"

Wish I could, really. There are limitations, the time I can get off work, the expense of going out of my area as I don't have my own transport. I know the feeling of not feeling you "fit" with your current therapist but I have to work with what I have. Maybe I am neurodivergent but the adversity I faced growing up like that caused a lot of problems.

Besides, I somewhat concede that the "label does not define you" approach can be an answer. Having an official diagnosis might help me explore solutions better, or it could cause me to be fixated on the diagnosis and not the causes of my current issues. The cause of my issues are deeply rooted in trauma and that's what I am focusing on currently. I'm slowly getting through to my therapist that psycho-analysis is not working and we need to explore trauma-related therapies.

 

[Binary_Bark]

Wish I could, really. There are limitations, the time I can get off work, the expense of going out of my area as I don't have my own transport. I know the feeling of not feeling you "fit" with your current therapist but I have to work with what I have. Maybe I am neurodivergent but the adversity I faced growing up like that caused a lot of problems.

Besides, I somewhat concede that the "label does not define you" approach can be an answer. Having an official diagnosis might help me explore solutions better, or it could cause me to be fixated on the diagnosis and not the causes of my current issues. The cause of my issues are deeply rooted in trauma and that's what I am focusing on currently. I'm slowly getting through to my therapist that psycho-analysis is not working and we need to explore trauma-related therapies.

I really relate to what you're saying, and from your posts, I feel pretty confident saying that you're one of us. Neurodivergent. There are definite signs of ADHD, ASD, or similar traits showing through in how you process and express things. You're not alone in this.

I get the frustration of the whole “I don’t want to label you” approach, it can feel dismissive, especially when the label might be the very thing that finally makes your experiences make sense. For many of us, it’s not about being boxed in, it’s about finding the right framework to understand ourselves, our needs, and how to advocate for better support. (We don't just think out of the box, we tare it apart)

Hang in there. You're not imagining this. Your self-awareness is strong, and you’re doing the work, even if it feels like swimming against the current. That’s brave.
You're rebuilding the ship, again. I applore you, I had to re-build again starting today. It's hard, I truly know. It's easy to just say, but to stand in those wet shoes when the waves are starting to come over your head, that's a completely different story.

 

[Binary_Bark]

They said
Pray harder.
Take the pills.
Talk to someone.

But I did.
I did all of it.

And all I found were cages
with velvet words
and padded walls
meant to quiet
what never needed silencing.

Finished it off late last night:

Padded Walls

They said:
"Pray harder."
"Take the pills."

“Take some more
"Talk to someone."

But I did.
I did all of it.

All I found were cages
Cages with velvet words
Cages with padded walls
meant to silence
what never needed silencing.

They gave me crosses and catechisms,
told me “Truth” came wrapped in robes,
but all I saw
were men who feared
what burned in me.

They told me I was wrong for asking,
wrong for knowing,
wrong for feeling
like an open nerve in a numb world.

So, I took the pills.
“Stabilize,” they said.
"Balance the brain."

But no mention
of the price.

Didn’t mention
the slow decay of self,
till, even autopilot
bailed with a scream and a parachute
into oblivion of the land below.

Then came therapy.
The great hope.
But even there,
I played the game.

The Masking Game.
The Please-Like-Me Game.
The Don’t-Scare-The-Normal Game.

I’ve worn the mask so long,
it’s grown teeth.
It bites when I try to take it off.

I don’t know who I am without it.

But I know this

The resistance you see in me?
That fire?
That pushback?
That’s not defiance.
That’s a lifetime of camouflage
that never worked.

Because I was never built
to blend in.

I was made to burn.

You call me broken,
but I’ve felt everything.

While you walked past pain like it was fog,
I breathed it in.
While you laughed at sarcasm,
I searched for the dagger behind it.
I don’t get the joke,
because I am the punchline.

But here's the prophecy:

When the last glass tower falls,
when the polite world crumbles
under its own weight,
when conformity dies
with a whimper, not a bang

We rise.

The misunderstood.
The too-much-feelers.
The misfits with fractured halos.
The neurodivergent kings and queens
of the new age.

We rule.
Not with fear
with flame.

And the world will finally
be honest enough
to burn with us.​

 

[TribbleZA]

This band has songs that really speak to the way we feel - well at least to me they do. They came at the right time for me.

There are lots