Depression.

[Binary_Bark]

You're gay?

 

[Grant]

You're gay?

 

[TribbleZA]

I have had some major ups and downs over the last 2 months. Major.

Every year when winter starts showing itself, I see this mountain coming up in the distance that I know I have to climb.
The effects of winter just amplify my emotions and put a damper on my mental health in a big way. The 2-year mark of my father's suicide is also coming up in a month. And for me, it's a biggie.

I have come to the conclusion that I am lonely AF!

Since getting divorced, I have relied on my mother and father's presence and the relationship that I had with them a lot more than I actually knew. With both of them passing away within 2 years and having the rug pulled out from under me, I realised how much they actually meant in my life.

Yes, I have my 2 amazing boys. I get along excellently with their mother. I have a couple of friends who understand me when I only pop by for 1 drink or very short visits every now and again, and they never question me or lose thier shiit about it. Or when I am very bad company, they know I am having a bad day/week/month.

But I am so lonely. After my first marriage, I said to myself, no way in hell I am doing that again. Still not sure I would.
The problem is. In my head, I am sick and a bit broken. And I can not engage or get involved with someone when I know I am not well.

I have accepted that I have commitment issues. I am too afraid of letting anyone get too close to me and developing feelings for someone, just because I might lose them in the future. Having lost so much in my life.

I am truly blessed and privileged in other aspects of life. For which I am very thankful and grateful.

Time waits for no one.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new obstacles or none at all. Take it as it comes.
I have a close friend who pops by twice or so a week, and on weekends we do the outdoorsy stuff.
Fishing, hunting, going to the gun range, shooting clays and birds with the shotguns, etc., and he told me the other day that there is not one week that goes by that I don't have another blunder/fsckup to sort out in my life. And we just laughed our arses off.

Having inherited so many properties and the family trust of which I am now the chieftain. There are just so many hurdles and issues popping up in my life. But I take it as it comes and am sure I will find my rhythm once everything settles down.

There is always something to live for. Always.


Just blowing some steam off here.

We do get really lonely as people leave us. I am so glad you have your boys and friends that understand you. Keep them close and be there for them as they are for you. We never know what people are going through, and they might need you as much as you need them.

I can understand not wanting to commit to someone - it is a huge change to the life you are now getting used to and there is always that future pain in the background. We should take a page out of Grant's book and get FWBs. Multiple, so that you don't get too close to any one. I do admire your positive outlook, it will help you get through this. And even another sunrise, or moorise, is worth being here for. It is the small things that make life worth living.

 

[dabean]

In My Opinion… since there is nothing else to measure experience in this world.

I see it all as a test of will. That’s why I love “The Feather of Ma’at”. No point doing everything on cruise control.

Genuinely no idea what happens here after. All that I know is that it takes effort to get up every day.

I hope to go down with a middle finger raised.

 

[neoprema]

I have had some major ups and downs over the last 2 months. Major.

Every year when winter starts showing itself, I see this mountain coming up in the distance that I know I have to climb.
The effects of winter just amplify my emotions and put a damper on my mental health in a big way. The 2-year mark of my father's suicide is also coming up in a month. And for me, it's a biggie.

I have come to the conclusion that I am lonely AF!

Since getting divorced, I have relied on my mother and father's presence and the relationship that I had with them a lot more than I actually knew. With both of them passing away within 2 years and having the rug pulled out from under me, I realised how much they actually meant in my life.

Yes, I have my 2 amazing boys. I get along excellently with their mother. I have a couple of friends who understand me when I only pop by for 1 drink or very short visits every now and again, and they never question me or lose thier shiit about it. Or when I am very bad company, they know I am having a bad day/week/month.

But I am so lonely. After my first marriage, I said to myself, no way in hell I am doing that again. Still not sure I would.
The problem is. In my head, I am sick and a bit broken. And I can not engage or get involved with someone when I know I am not well.

I have accepted that I have commitment issues. I am too afraid of letting anyone get too close to me and developing feelings for someone, just because I might lose them in the future. Having lost so much in my life.

I am truly blessed and privileged in other aspects of life. For which I am very thankful and grateful.

Time waits for no one.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new obstacles or none at all. Take it as it comes.
I have a close friend who pops by twice or so a week, and on weekends we do the outdoorsy stuff.
Fishing, hunting, going to the gun range, shooting clays and birds with the shotguns, etc., and he told me the other day that there is not one week that goes by that I don't have another blunder/fsckup to sort out in my life. And we just laughed our arses off.

Having inherited so many properties and the family trust of which I am now the chieftain. There are just so many hurdles and issues popping up in my life. But I take it as it comes and am sure I will find my rhythm once everything settles down.

There is always something to live for. Always.


Just blowing some steam off here.

"The problem is. In my head, I am sick and a bit broken. And I can not engage or get involved with someone when I know I am not well."

There's two kind of men in this world, those who are a bit broken, and liars.

Everyone has a problem of some kind. Everyone. I'm not saying it to downplay your issues, i'm saying it so you understand you're not alone in this. The fact that you're pushing through is also admirable.

 

[FiestaST]

Massive advocate for this:

https://twitter.com/x/status/2065403070079496314

 

[Smiggles]

Everything is resolved by walking

 

[dabean]

Everything is resolved by walking

Walking equals moving equals not giving up.

 

[AnimateX]

/raises hand

so there is a very distinct difference between being lonely and alone.
i am perfectly content being alone for extended periods - even the covid lockdown thing did not bother me (beside the inconvenience when needing to go somewhere).

my question to those who may suffer loneliness - do you come from a big family, a couple of siblings etc, and isolation from that "community" brings on feelings of loneliness ?

for my part, i was an "only-child", very accustomed to doing my own thing - but maybe more importantly, accustomed to being on my own, and not constantly surrounded by, and in the company of siblings etc while growing up.

I did come from a large family and there was always someone around. I've experienced being alone before and even welcomed it when people become too much and I just wanted solace from time to time. I've mentioned it on this thread before but what I didn't expect when I got older is that so many of my closest company would die or move away, going about their own lives.

It's when you are only left with the people you occasionally speak to at work, no friends or any family that you can lean on, that you experience real loneliness. That means no-one to share your life and interests with, no-one that would be deeply saddened if you were gone. No-one that loves you. Spending each weekend alone, that is what gets to me.

 

[Grant]

We should take a page out of Grant's book and get FWBs. Multiple, so that you don't get too close to any one.

hmm
i wouldn't particularly advise that.
can get tricky - and very costly (imagine for a moment having 5 girlfriends or wives).
not sure how or why this arrangement seems to work for all - and these are not new / recent relationships - the "newest", goes back 6 yrs, the longest is 14yrs.

but again, it is a "cheap" substitute for a proper committed relationship with one person

 

[Sinbad]

hmm
i wouldn't particularly advise that.
can get tricky - and very costly (imagine for a moment having 5 girlfriends or wives).
not sure how or why this arrangement seems to work for all - and these are not new / recent relationships - the "newest", goes back 6 yrs, the longest is 14yrs.

but again, it is a "cheap" substitute for a proper committed relationship with one person

Yeah I suggested mens sheds not chicken coops

 

[W@P]

hmm
i wouldn't particularly advise that.
can get tricky - and very costly (imagine for a moment having 5 girlfriends or wives).
not sure how or why this arrangement seems to work for all - and these are not new / recent relationships - the "newest", goes back 6 yrs, the longest is 14yrs.

but again, it is a "cheap" substitute for a proper committed relationship with one person

Having 5 BF's, I'd imagine it wouldn't cost you a cent. Every oke for himself? NFI how gay relationships work. No offence.

Coming back to your question about the girl I have been seeing for years on and off.
She lives in JHB, and I am in a small town. Was never a problem. I would shoot through to her in less than an hour, WHEN she still lived alone.

She got a bad ticket in life. Real bad. She's been through a physically abusive relationship. Don't know how to say this. But the **** bliksemed her. She has 2 daughters with him. He is not present anywhere; he does not support her in any way, and he is not in the picture at all. So he was never the problem. Low-life scum, the kind your would'nt even step on.

But the distance got to me, and she had to move back in with her folks with her kids. She is an extremely hard worker, and she tries to provide the best for her kids. But times are hard for her. And it breaks me to see her like that. Backbreaking work day in and day out.

She always put me first. Always. There is not one bad thing I can say about her. She's not full of shiiit and has zero kak with anything. Always down for anything, anywhere with anyone. The most easy-going girl you could ever meet.

I just came to a point where I felt I was taking advantage of everything she offered while I knew I couldn't "commit".
It felt wrong.
And she never ever tried to push me into putting a label on it, never mind getting engaged or married. Never.
She took from me whatever I was willing to give, and she was happy and content with that.

And I am not talking money, fun nights out, holidays, etc, or pomp here.

She accepted me for the broken and depressed man who I was/am. And never put pressure for more.

I am a giver. I love to give. As long as I can give, I feel good. I am fortunate and blessed with what I have in this life. Meaning worldly things and financially. And I try to share and give back as much as possible when and where I can.

But she was never there for any of that. I can spot a gold digger through a mile-long rolled-up hosepipe. So there's that.

Just typing this makes me realise what a good person she is. And what a dwis I am.

 

[TribbleZA]

Having 5 BF's, I'd imagine it wouldn't cost you a cent. Every oke for himself? NFI how gay relationships work. No offence.

Coming back to your question about the girl I have been seeing for years on and off.
She lives in JHB, and I am in a small town. Was never a problem. I would shoot through to her in less than an hour, WHEN she still lived alone.

She got a bad ticket in life. Real bad. She's been through a physically abusive relationship. Don't know how to say this. But the **** bliksemed her. She has 2 daughters with him. He is not present anywhere; he does not support her in any way, and he is not in the picture at all. So he was never the problem. Low-life scum, the kind your would'nt even step on.

But the distance got to me, and she had to move back in with her folks with her kids. She is an extremely hard worker, and she tries to provide the best for her kids. But times are hard for her. And it breaks me to see her like that. Backbreaking work day in and day out.

She always put me first. Always. There is not one bad thing I can say about her. She's not full of shiiit and has zero kak with anything. Always down for anything, anywhere with anyone. The most easy-going girl you could ever meet.

I just came to a point where I felt I was taking advantage of everything she offered while I knew I couldn't "commit".
It felt wrong.
And she never ever tried to push me into putting a label on it, never mind getting engaged or married. Never.
She took from me whatever I was willing to give, and she was happy and content with that.

And I am not talking money, fun nights out, holidays, etc, or pomp here.

She accepted me for the broken and depressed man who I was/am. And never put pressure for more.

I am a giver. I love to give. As long as I can give, I feel good. I am fortunate and blessed with what I have in this life. Meaning worldly things and financially. And I try to share and give back as much as possible when and where I can.

But she was never there for any of that. I can spot a gold digger through a mile-long rolled-up hosepipe. So there's that.

Just typing this makes me realise what a good person she is. And what a dwis I am.

Perhaps see if there is still something there with her?

 

[TribbleZA]

hmm
i wouldn't particularly advise that.
can get tricky - and very costly (imagine for a moment having 5 girlfriends or wives).
not sure how or why this arrangement seems to work for all - and these are not new / recent relationships - the "newest", goes back 6 yrs, the longest is 14yrs.

but again, it is a "cheap" substitute for a proper committed relationship with one person

I think the things we miss the most are sex, and someone to share those small moments with. But you are right - people make things complicated

 

[Jan van Riebeeckstad]

It's been known. You must have missed the stories about the busboys...

Link to the stories?