Getting over ex's: How do you do it?

[killadoob]

Nice to be you, hey!

My break-up happened a year ago, and I'm still hurting. I guess it takes longer for women than for men. At least I've stayed clear of rebounds and emotional zeros who want to mount anything that moves.

After a year, climb back on the horse geez. A year is very long to still be upset. Clear those cob webs

 

[FrankCastle]

Women think completely different to men and what women want is the "Alpha male". In your posts sorry to say but you dont sound like an "alpha male" at the moment - perhaps you were when you started the relationship but she took control and now you sound like you'd do anything to please her which is not what women want (they do want it but very limited supply of it) - The bad/hardcore guys always get the hot girls. This is too short of an explanation of how this works but just a short insight to hopefully help you out.

I disagree.Most girls hot or not eventually want to settle down with a decent, secure guy.Just look at Jessica Alba.Its the trashy ones like Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards that land up with the tough alpha male and look how their relationships end up.
Now who wants a airhead bimbo anyway.

 

[FrankCastle]

Nice to be you, hey!

My break-up happened a year ago, and I'm still hurting. I guess it takes longer for women than for men. At least I've stayed clear of rebounds and emotional zeros who want to mount anything that moves.

Welcome to the forums and great nick.

 

[Thugscub]

Hey Drew how you doing today dude?

 

[Natedogg]

Well for one, try not to read threads like this. Kind of brings up the emotions again. What I've found quite helpful is listening to really sad/powerful songs. Although you'd think it would make it worse, it gets the emotions out and makes it a bit easier. And another tip I can give you is that ignorance is bliss (I'm sure you can work it out). And you have to cry. If it's meant to be, it will.

 

[SaharaSnow]

Welcome to the forums and great nick.

Thanks DrYes!

 

[SaharaSnow]

After a year, climb back on the horse geez. A year is very long to still be upset. Clear those cob webs

Dude, I'm not upset. Just still dealing with some stuff - I've come a long way. Been with this person 9 years. So, I'll take my sweet time ...

 

[requiem]

I haven't read every post, but all I can really say is do as much as you can - don't sit and mope. Get involved in any activity, work harder, gym harder, take up as much time as you can being productive.

 

[crackersa]

grunge ***** a couple of b!tches......

 

[AvatarS]

always with the excellent advice. Thanks.

In contrast to my obligatory "Chicks are car guards™" response to these kinds of threads, I'll act my age for a change and give my personal opinion on the matter...



Same here. Started Scuba diving, which I've ALWAYS wanted to do. Started playing Skyrim...and oddly enough, after his breakup, my older bro is now also playing Skyrim non stop.

Being active helps a lot, whether it be gymming or hobbies or whatnot. Lying on your bed staring at the ceiling & trying to rationalise things in your mind or to try and sleep away the pain won't help one bit. We've all done this.

The awesome thing about keeping yourself busy physically, is that you feel a lot better about yourself and you're too exhausted to dwell on crap. Plus, girls do this thing where they make themselves hotter after a breakup, so why can't guys? I lost 15kgs in 4 months after mine just by gymming every day instead of going home and sulking and I feel fantastic. Helps the self esteem more than you can imagine...especially after the rejection.

As for the advice on here telling you to focus on the bad thoughts, I don't agree with that. It would cheapen what you had with her if you do that and I don't think it's right to hate the person when they don't foresee themselves being with you long term. Rather have it hurt now than end up with a divorce on your hands.

Unless she cheated on you with your best friend or something, there's no reason to despise her. Just accept it for what it is. I also don't believe that everything happens for a reason, the reality is, things just happen. Life isn't intentionally cruel or kind, it's merely indifferent.

The way I try and see it:

If you're feeling the urge to get back with her, focus on what made you unhappy. Don't fool yourself by regretting the day you met. The more it hurts, the more the experience was worth it. It beats having spent a year with someone you felt nothing for, this way you at least grow and mature.

If you're feeling worthless for being dumped, focus on the great times you had and how made her smile...and remember that you have that ability to make the next girl smile.

You are not worthless, she is not a bitch. You are merely incompatible.

 

[Thugscub]

Kick her inna panty by Voicey

 

[DrewChan]

Update-

Feeling a bit better today - my plutonic female friends rallied around me this weekend and fed me alcohol (I deleted her number to ensure no drunk dialling).

Still feeling like there's a gap but on the whole a bit more stable.

Also started down the Dark Brotherhood line- 30 x sneak attack is awesome

 

[zolly]

Most girls hot or not eventually want to settle down with a decent, secure guy to pay the bills while having a sexy alpha on the side.

Fixed.

Last time I got my heart completely smashed by a girl, I hit the gym bloody hard. First (and last time) I ever had a six pack

 

[SaharaSnow]

Feeling a bit better today - my plutonic female friends rallied around me this weekend and fed me alcohol (I deleted her number to ensure no drunk dialling).

Still feeling like there's a gap but on the whole a bit more stable.

Also started down the Dark Brotherhood line- 30 x sneak attack is awesome

Hey Drew

Glad you are feeling a bit better. Yes, drunk dialing is the worst. Been there, done that. Pity you can't delete her number from your memory. After 8 years, I'm sure it is etched in;-)

Some people focus on hitting the gym - I focused on my career. Whatever works for you. With time things get easier. You will still have a "wobble" now and again, but see it for what it is - just a temporary glitch. That is where you friends come in.

Another thing that worked well for me is to scream (and swear) really loud while driving. Nobody can hear you, and you let the frustration out. Better out than in, my friend! You'll feel tons better. A good occasional cry works, but it is really difficult for guys to go there.

You will love again - you'll be wiser. Use this opportunity to become cool by yourself - it takes courage, but is worth while. No point jumping to the next thing with a bleeding \ wounded heart. That is when the gold-diggers, smothering rescuers and bossy cows come in for the kill. Like sharks, they smell blood. It works both sides of the gender coin. However, there are still great women out there.

Watch your thoughts, as they become your words
Watch your words, as they become your actions
Watch your actions, as they become your habits
Watch your habits, as they become your character
Watch your character, as it becomes your destiny

Hang in there! Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. It may be hard for you. Hang out with your single friends - make it a Happy Unattached (with no trouble) Day.

 

[DrewChan]

Hey Drew

Glad you are feeling a bit better. Yes, drunk dialing is the worst. Been there, done that. Pity you can't delete her number from your memory. After 8 years, I'm sure it is etched in;-).

Only 1 year ^_^ and never bothered to learn number so I literally can't dial her, very useful it stops me from being a weak whiny person,

My current coping mechanism is spotting things I didn't like about myself in the relationship-

I became too clingy
I became dependant
I became paranoid
I lived my life for her and not myself

Being someone that was great at being alone (7 years single by choice) these changes were not positive.

 

[Chi Chi]

Hi Drew,

Hang in there, it does get better. I'm in the same boat, a month & a half down the line. Got dumped on Christmas eve, 3 weeks before that my boyfriend had told me he wanted to be with me forever, so it really came out of nowhere. I felt like I wanted to die, it was a huge effort to do anything.

I leaned on a few very good friends, cried my heart out, & then started focussing on exercising, which helped a lot. Every time I would feel down, I would train for an hour, & it really helped.

I was also determined not to go out & get drunk, but rather to try & focus on myself, & remember how much I have to be grateful for. I'd write a list of these things every day - granted, sometimes it was hard to think of anything to be grateful for, but most of us do have a lot going for us, & remembering that also helps a little.

After just over a month, I felt a lot stronger, could face him again with a smile on my face (even if I didn't feel it completely inside). He then told me that he missed me & loved me & wanted to get back together, but I think all he wanted was a final shag, because he changed his mind 2 days later. So whatever you do, DON'T do this with your ex, that will just set you back again.

But even with this set back, I get a bit better every day - and you will too. Just stay strong, & stay healthy, & remember that you're not alone.

Good luck

 

[Went_For_Beer]

Ask News24 for those x-rated pics of his ex/cousin/sister/mother

 

[Nick333]

Only 1 year ^_^ and never bothered to learn number so I literally can't dial her, very useful it stops me from being a weak whiny person,

My current coping mechanism is spotting things I didn't like about myself in the relationship-

I became too clingy
I became dependant
I became paranoid
I lived my life for her and not myself

Being someone that was great at being alone (7 years single by choice) these changes were not positive.

Now to avoid the temptation of trying to convince her that you understand where you went wrong and that you'll do better if she gives you another chance.

 

[I.am.Sam]

tomorrow is V day and yesterday was walking alone in the mall and for the 1st time in like 4 years i didnt have to break my bank ....hurt tho cause was looking for perfume and was thinking i would have bought that and then walk pass a jewellary shop and cardies

but yeah ....i save money some good out of it

 

[SaharaSnow]

Only 1 year ^_^ and never bothered to learn number so I literally can't dial her, very useful it stops me from being a weak whiny person,

My current coping mechanism is spotting things I didn't like about myself in the relationship-

I became too clingy
I became dependant
I became paranoid
I lived my life for her and not myself

Being someone that was great at being alone (7 years single by choice) these changes were not positive.

Thats awesome - never memorised her number ...

Drew, don't be so hard on yourself, man. She wasn't right for you - brought out uncool things in you. What about all the good qualities you had? Surely, you brought magic to the relationship, otherwise she wouldn't have been with you this long. Embrace your sunshine and your thunder. Seasons, reasons and lifetimes. We live and learn. There are no review sites we can visit to check out the specs, "hardware / software compatibility (LOL)", warranties, and recommendations for a potential partner - I wish there were ;-).

Give yourself 6 months, and you should be good to go! Don't lose yourself in a relationship again - keep your identity - see it as parallel universes. You occupy the same space, abide by the same universal laws, but harbour your own alien forms and concepts.

Regards, ET