Girlfriend letting go

WaxLyrical said:
I disagree
You might love her but the intensity of intimacy will depend on how she feels not you. There's nothing more off puting than a woman who's insecure about her weight, refuses to dress seductively, wants the lights off etc.
And at 200km it's gets worse and uncomfortable for both of you.
Click to expand...

At that I would guess impossible, not uncomfortable.
 
WaxLyrical said:
I disagree
You might love her but the intensity of intimacy will depend on how she feels not you. There's nothing more off puting than a woman who's insecure about her weight, refuses to dress seductively, wants the lights off etc.
And at 200km it's gets worse and uncomfortable for both of you.
Click to expand...

She's so fat that you've got to be at least 200km away not to get sucked in by her gravity?
 
The problem with the difference between Love and Desire is that the kind of Love that can overlook 40kg of weight gain is not developed inside 6 months.

While you are young and shopping for your ideal partner, the idea of "unconditional love" is just not on the cards yet. Love is a sense of caring and familiarity that can only develop with time. Like it or not, Desire is what drives all of us towards our chosen partners initially.

You desire someone as they are when you meet them. You desire the potential life you could share together. You desire the 'Genes' that they might offer to your combined offspring. All of those desires add up to how attractive they are to you, physically and emotionally. Provided the person that they are does not drastically change during the early stages of a relationship, then familiarity can start to set in.
As more time is spent within an acceptable band of suitability with one another, then your confidence in the probability of that suitability continuing into old age will start to set in. It is that confidence that allows caring and love to start to truly develop. But if the relationship starts to drift outside of what is acceptable to one or both parties, the relationship will stagnate or go backwards, preventing the transition into caring and love.

@OP, This is going to be clinical and harsh, but it is my 2c. If she is preggers, then all of the advice below is moot of course, but 6 months in, she should know and have shared that info with you by now.
Your relationship is still so new that fixing this feels like a daunting task. That is because you already know that even if you got her buy-in to losing the weight and wanting to keep it off. #1 It would take much more than 7 months for her to lose that weight. #2 You would have no guarantee that she would keep it off for the rest of your lives. (Nobody has that guarantee, but most of us only meet this challenge quite a long way into a relationship).

So you are basically trying to gauge whether this is really worth your time to try to fix.

IMHO, and I fully appreciate that I don't know her, you, or how you feel about her. I would cut and run. Now I appreciate that lots of people think that you should "give love a chance" and "put the effort in now and reap the rewards later". Hollywood sells us this story every autumn with their latest chick flick. But that is not how the real world works.
Even if you somehow managed to get her to lose weight, she wont keep it off. You have to accept that at some point, especially after kids if she already picks up so much weight in such a short time, that she will bulk up again, and again, and again. Hollywood would have you think that you should stick around out of some sense of chivalrous duty, but really you owe her nothing other than the 6 months you have already given her.
Even if it is a medical reason that is causing the weight gain, you should not feel guilty over walking away. Just think, if it is a medical issue, that is probably something that would be passed on to your children. Is that something that you want to willingly saddle your kids with?

You don't owe her anything and you don't owe "team Men" anything by staying with her to prove something. You only owe yourself the truth. If the truth is that you want to spend your life with her and you accept that she might never have a gorgeous body again, then go for it. But of all of the thousands of likely scenarios that might play out for you from here on out, like 1 in 1000 could be the perfect scenario where she goes, "Oh **** babe, I didn't realise, let me hit the gym" and then she hits the gym and eats right for the next 50 years of your life together and this never comes up again.
Of the rest of the scenarios, most of them will leave you feeling unhappy for a large portion of your life. Making the decision to make such a massive compromise so early in the relationship will probably lead to frustration and resentment eventually.

If you stay, you need to find a way to squash those feelings when they come up, because it was your choice to stay with someone with potential weight gain issues; when their weight and health is obviously an issue for you.
 
Women often gain weight in a relationship. I think its because they feel secure and loved unconditionally. Which says a lot about you by the way. Thumbs up.

Its a difficult decision to make though. You will be judged by her friends and family if you break it off with her now.
 
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