I am now engaged (Did I rush it)

sandmanm34 said:
Killa I think the point is the more one has dated the more one is in a position to know what one is looking for...

It's not often we find "the one" right off the bat.

If you've only ever dated and loved one women how on earth can that be an educated and informed decision?
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And how do you think that theory of yours worked out for Elizabeth Taylor? :D
 
some mistakes are the best you can make. don't rush to get married but don't give up too soon either.
 
The mere fact he posted this thread shows doubt. Doubt is sometimes a good thing. It's your head saying woah back the hell up. Are you sure you are doing the right thing here buddy? From my own experience it's helped me through a lot of potential mistakes.

Freakedout sounds like a really nice guy but he also sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants. If you don't know what you want, you shouldn't be grabbing for things in the dark.
 
DJK said:
Acid - sorry about your aunt.

I still read most of that as fluffy-waffle. A long, drawn-out point being, go for it, regardless of repercussions.

Took me over 4 years to figure out my fiancée wasn't right for me. I could have sworn she was though up until the day that I broke up with her, which was just me justifying things to myself. Life is not always about grabbing the stripper by the tits, but rather about learning from the previous twit who grabbed the stripper by the tits and promptly woke up in hospital with a concussion, 4 broken ribs and a disfigured face. Anyone with half a brain doesn't see that as an opportunity to grab tits, but rather to learn not to grab the stripper by the tits, unless you're prepared to deal with the major repercussions.

Interesting analogy though - 13 year olds shouldn't be visiting the strip club in the first place. And although I know the OP is a little older than that, I believe that is where he is emotionally in this relationship, without much to use as real world experience. Use the logical part of your brain here Acid, a 20 year old living at home, never been away from his "parents" (yes, I know the story freakedout), and a few other things that I cannot state without revealing the identity of freakedout, do not amount to anyone in a position to get married. If you're not prepared to get married yet, then you're not prepared to propose imo. It just makes no sense whatsoever - that is where a little common sense and maturity comes in to play. If you're proposing for the wrong reasons, you are setting a benchmark for the relationship imo, and that benchmark aint very high...
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Common Sense and Love has no place together.

Fine. Some indications might point to the fact that they're not ready. But you forget one very important thing. TIME

With time he'll grow, move out, be his own man, be able to work towards settling down and raising some fine young lads. It's not going to happen overnight. It's not going to happen a week from now. And freakedout dude, if you get her preggers even before you're married I'm so going to kick your ass!

The point is just he asked. She said yes. They're engaged. However "cart before the horse" this might seem to you and in your experience the wrong way of going to do things, some people have their own ways in doing and dealing with life love and eeeeeverything else.

He is in his 20's. So relatively young enough to make a mistake like this IF it is a mistake. If I saw some dude getting ****ed up by some bouncers because he grabbed some tiddies and I was a "**** tomorrow or yesterday I'm here now and show me some bootay" I will probably choose my moment of grabbing a bit more carefully. However, it won't discourage me. Who knows, maybe she actually likes me, and with some tact I could get a phone number?

Sure, **** A didn't get anything because he was too drunk or whatever. Doesn't mean **** B (that would be me) won't.

Chance. Fate. Destiny. All may seem white fluffy cloud romantic type bull**** to you. Don't get me wrong, my balls drags naked on the pavement of life just as much as the other guy.

I just dont want him to make the same mistake I did and back out before it even get started. If he is willing to put in the work, the time and the effort. There is no reason why he shouldn't give this the best shot ever.

If he falls flat on his face then so what? He tried. My point is just a lot of people are scared skittles about this kind of thing. Even normal everyday type stuff you won't believe. It just takes a bit of guts to go ahead and do something you fear to know what it's like and to conquer it.

You learned this. She wasn't right for you. But maybe his girl is right for him? No two people are the same hey.

No guts no glory.

Oh and re: my aunt, she battled with breast cancer for over a year and got worse suddenly last year. My uncle and my aunt was married for almost 38 years if I'm not mistaken.

I asked my uncle and he told me that he had no intention to marry ever again. But he trusted in God that if he does meet someone that's single. With no kids. In his age range who loves him and he loves her and they can be happy together. He won't let the chance pass up.

And I'm sure he won't as they're getting married in March I think. Weird indeed. I was shocked at first to hear it. But I understand what he said about not letting the chance slip by. Apparently he had a long list of "wants" in a new wife and was almost convinced it would never happen anyway....
 
Serqet said:
The mere fact he posted this thread shows doubt. Doubt is sometimes a good thing. It's your head saying woah back the hell up. Are you sure you are doing the right thing here buddy? From my own experience it's helped me through a lot of potential mistakes.

Freakedout sounds like a really nice guy but he also sounds like he doesn't really know what he wants. If you don't know what you want, you shouldn't be grabbing for things in the dark.
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How would you know if they were going to be mistakes?

Hindsight is 20/20. I'd rather always make a mistake and learn from it somehow and be open to another one than to close myself off from making "the same mistake" over and over again
 
AcidRaZor said:
Common Sense and Love has no place together.

Fine. Some indications might point to the fact that they're not ready. But you forget one very important thing. TIME

With time he'll grow, move out, be his own man, be able to work towards settling down and raising some fine young lads. It's not going to happen overnight. It's not going to happen a week from now. And freakedout dude, if you get her preggers even before you're married I'm so going to kick your ass!

The point is just he asked. She said yes. They're engaged. However "cart before the horse" this might seem to you and in your experience the wrong way of going to do things, some people have their own ways in doing and dealing with life love and eeeeeverything else.

He is in his 20's. So relatively young enough to make a mistake like this IF it is a mistake. If I saw some dude getting ****ed up by some bouncers because he grabbed some tiddies and I was a "**** tomorrow or yesterday I'm here now and show me some bootay" I will probably choose my moment of grabbing a bit more carefully. However, it won't discourage me. Who knows, maybe she actually likes me, and with some tact I could get a phone number?

Sure, **** A didn't get anything because he was too drunk or whatever. Doesn't mean **** B (that would be me) won't.

Chance. Fate. Destiny. All may seem white fluffy cloud romantic type bull**** to you. Don't get me wrong, my balls drags naked on the pavement of life just as much as the other guy.

I just dont want him to make the same mistake I did and back out before it even get started. If he is willing to put in the work, the time and the effort. There is no reason why he shouldn't give this the best shot ever.

If he falls flat on his face then so what? He tried. My point is just a lot of people are scared skittles about this kind of thing. Even normal everyday type stuff you won't believe. It just takes a bit of guts to go ahead and do something you fear to know what it's like and to conquer it.

You learned this. She wasn't right for you. But maybe his girl is right for him? No two people are the same hey.

No guts no glory.

Oh and re: my aunt, she battled with breast cancer for over a year and got worse suddenly last year. My uncle and my aunt was married for almost 38 years if I'm not mistaken.

I asked my uncle and he told me that he had no intention to marry ever again. But he trusted in God that if he does meet someone that's single. With no kids. In his age range who loves him and he loves her and they can be happy together. He won't let the chance pass up.

And I'm sure he won't as they're getting married in March I think. Weird indeed. I was shocked at first to hear it. But I understand what he said about not letting the chance slip by. Apparently he had a long list of "wants" in a new wife and was almost convinced it would never happen anyway....
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Acid, it's very common for old(er) people who were married for very long, to re-marry quickly after the passing of their spouse. They do it because they simply cannot stand the sudden loneliness after having had a partner for so long.
 
freakedout said:
Thank you for your words Acid.

I am crazy over this person and the feeling is mutual. The reason I am doubting myself is that it will be impossible for us to move in together before the end of the year.

She hasn't told her parents and nor have I told mine
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No ring - no announcement?
 
blunomore said:
Acid, it's very common for old(er) people who were married for very long, to re-marry quickly after the passing of their spouse. They do it because they simply cannot stand the sudden loneliness after having had a partner for so long.
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Perhaps. But I know my uncle. He doesn't do things because he is sad or hurt or lonely or happy. He's the only guy I know that can sit down in a very tough situation, clear his mind of any doubt and logically think about a situation.

I'm sure that is what he did when he came to that decision. I could be wrong... but I'd rather think I'm not. Out of my entire family (I have a big family) he is the only one who is going to re-marry.

Sometimes emotion overrules your judgement. But why have emotions if you don't let that happen once in a while?

If my uncle married this woman because he was lonely and scared it's his "mistake" to make. I'm sure he'll learn from it and bounce right back.... she better be a good cook though because my aunt was the best :)

.... I miss her :(
 
I do see your point Acid i just want the guy to be level headed about it. For the simple fact is that he doesn't seem to know how he even ended up proposing. Sorta just going through the motions.

Marriage isn't something you should rush into. So i don't see why proposing is something you should rush into either. Perhaps i'm just a cynic.

I'd hate to be proposed to only to regret or have him regret it later. That would be crap.

All i know is when i get married i want it to be for life. Want to grow old with the person. It's far to easy in today's society to get married one weekend and divorced 4 weeks later and i hate that. Society has become frivilous and fickle.

My grandparents are still married and still love each other to this day. It might be a rarity but damnit i want that!

So yea all i'm saying is don't marry someone and 'see' how it works out. And i know he has only proposed but to me you shouldn't propose unless you are sure of the end result. Otherwise what's the point?
 
scotty777 said:
As a christian, I would advise you to maybe stay engaged(no reason to rush out of the room) but rather plan for the wedding at a MUCH later stage, you guys must really get to know each other and it's a shyte load easier to break off the engagement then to get annulled :p. I would assume that you have religious parents so jumping into marriage would probably piss them off a fair amount... you should talk to her about it, trust me,rather tell her that yes, you love her to pieces and that you wanted to get engaged because you don't wanna be with anyone else, but on the other hand, marriage is a big step and it would be best if we were together for a while (i'm thinking 1-2 years here) and then we see where things go from there...
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Most reasonable post so far...

Don't panic :) And don't worry about whether other people think you're ready (family, friends or forumites).

Edit: ah, got to Acid's posts. I agree with those too. Yes, I see what DJK is saying (and I also narrowly missed an engagement which, I see now, would have been totally wrong for me), and yes, you have to be reasonable and think of the practicalities - but love can't be quantified and put on a pro/con list. I think in this case the love is there, and the practicalities will come in time (which they have... there's no reason to rush into the marriage itself).
 
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killadoob said:
Scotty tell me after the 25th restaurant you've eaten at how can you be sure that is the best one? there could another 250 to eat at before you come close to the best one. I think this whole BS story about having eaten out only 3 times is rubbish. Women are not restaurants, if you find someone that gets you, i cannot see how you can equate that to a place selling food.

If you and this girl think this is a good idea then perfect man, your not married its just engaged. Hyperian has it spot on.
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Wow, for once I'm in total agreement with killa! Must look out the window to see if it's snowing... ;)



Oh, and freakedout - I forgot to say - congratulations :)
 
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I think it was quick but there are some people that have done this and have been married for years its not like you are getting married next week you can be engaged as long as you want and at the end of the day, its not permanent.
 
Serqet said:
I do see your point Acid i just want the guy to be level headed about it. For the simple fact is that he doesn't seem to know how he even ended up proposing. Sorta just going through the motions.

Marriage isn't something you should rush into. So i don't see why proposing is something you should rush into either. Perhaps i'm just a cynic.

I'd hate to be proposed to only to regret or have him regret it later. That would be crap.

All i know is when i get married i want it to be for life. Want to grow old with the person. It's far to easy in today's society to get married one weekend and divorced 4 weeks later and i hate that. Society has become frivilous and fickle.

My grandparents are still married and still love each other to this day. It might be a rarity but damnit i want that!

So yea all i'm saying is don't marry someone and 'see' how it works out. And i know he has only proposed but to me you shouldn't propose unless you are sure of the end result. Otherwise what's the point?
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Do yourself a favor and go ask your grandparents how long they dated before they decided to get married and how they knew it was the right thing to do.

In my experience its usually less than 1.5 years even. I've known people who dated 11 years before tying the knot (that are can like to be crazy ****)

But yea, I like the word "quantified" and "cant be" :D

I agree with you that it's very fickle. But the reason for that isn't because you're right or "wrong" for each other. It boils down to willingness to work at a situation and work through problems. At one point you loved each other enough to decide to get married. What changed? Nobody lied (well some do, but thats just wrong). Nothing changed except the situation you find yourself in. And the partnership of marriage means you have to work through things together. But as you said, they're fickle. "Everyone for themselves" type mindset that really gets my blood boiling. Because working in a team (can be any team) means you bounce off your good qualities off another person's good qualities and end up one whole AWESOME "person"

I could go into the analogy of matches being easily broken one by one and not as easily together but I'm sure you watched the same sesame street I did.
 
First of all I must say thank you to everyone and their advice. The response to this thread has been overwelming (to say the least)

Those of you who know who I am. Thank you for letting me trust you and not sharing it with the rest of the forum. I have had a lot of members trying to guess who I am. Let me tell you that I am not Snakepit; gdiza or even Keeper!

Some of you have sent me good wishes others if they could would hit me over the head to knock some sense into me.

Let me clear some things up a bit.

Reason I asked her to marry me, currently I am head over heels with this girl. She is so much like me. Like a female version of me. We have so much in common (it is actually quite scary); similar ideals, dreams, interests, plans etc.

How I met her though was quite an interesting story which in the end it turned out perfectly. I had previously joked with her about getting married but you all know the saying "no truer word is spoken in jest."

After spending Valentines with her. on the sunday it just happened (perhaps after Valentines we thought we are perfect together) I didn't go out and buy her a ring *yet.* Asked her and she said yes.

We are both madly in love and crazy for each other. What will happen I do not know. However my next plan is to become self sufficent and move in with her start of 2010. Then if that works out marry her in 2011.
 
freakedout said:
Reason I asked her to marry me, currently I am head over heels with this girl. She is so much like me. Like a female version of me. We have so much in common (it is actually quite scary); similar ideals, dreams, interests, plans etc.

...

After spending Valentines with her. on the sunday it just happened (perhaps after Valentines we thought we are perfect together) I didn't go out and buy her a ring *yet.* Asked her and she said yes.

We are both madly in love and crazy for each other. What will happen I do not know. However my next plan is to become self sufficent and move in with her start of 2010. Then if that works out marry her in 2011.
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So you're currently head over heels .... let's hope it lasts till, errm, 2011.

Why will you move in with her? Who not her with you? Will you not be earning an income and have a place of your own by 2010?

Just by the way, people who fall in love always say that the they and their SO are oh-so-similar. It happens to all of us. Wait till you live together, then you will notice the differences - which is not necessarily bad. But don't take my word for it, find out for yourself :)

That being said, good luck to you.
 
blunomore said:
So you're currently head over heels .... let's hope it lasts till, errm, 2011.

Why will you move in with her? Who not her with you? Will you not be earning an income and have a place of your own by 2010?

Just by the way, people who fall in love always say that the they and their SO are oh-so-similar. It happens to all of us. Wait till you live together, then you will notice the differences - which is not necessarily bad. But don't take my word for it, find out for yourself :)

That being said, good luck to you.
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Cause what girl wants to move in with a guy living with his parents? Dude srsly
 
oh and people who live together who can't work through their differences and accept that they are two individuals but still love each other shouldn't be together.

Nobody said a relationship is easy. The easy part is falling in love. The hard part is working at it so it stays that way without it feeling like a job of somekind.
 
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