I am now engaged (Did I rush it)

[CathJ]

I think it was quick but there are some people that have done this and have been married for years its not like you are getting married next week you can be engaged as long as you want and at the end of the day, its not permanent.

No, you can't go into marriage thinking "oh well, it's not permanent". You have to be committed to it, you can't have that escape clause in the back of your mind.

Acid, I like your ideas about being a parnership. Too many relationships seem to be two separate people trying to get something out of it, rather than being in it together. You probably put it better than I can.

 

[koeks]

To everyone reading this thread.

I am not using my real username as I do want this to be private. Or as much as possible.

A while ago I met someone. We hit it off right away and the following months with that person has been awesome.

I somehow ended up proposing to this person the day after Valentines, to be honest I am not entirely sure how it happened. The "someone" accepted it and now we are engaged.

My point is did I rush this? We are not even living with each other yet

dolby is that you?

 

[Mila]

Which is why I was advising the poor soul to get a job and a place of his own

+100!!!!

Or i might start warning the girl about guys who study and live with their GFs.....

 

[freakedout]

So you're currently head over heels .... let's hope it lasts till, errm, 2011.

Why will you move in with her? Who not her with you? Will you not be earning an income and have a place of your own by 2010?

Just by the way, people who fall in love always say that the they and their SO are oh-so-similar. It happens to all of us. Wait till you live together, then you will notice the differences - which is not necessarily bad. But don't take my word for it, find out for yourself

That being said, good luck to you.

Yes let us hope it lasts until 2011. Or rather for many many years after that

When I say move in together we will both find a new place and move in there. Not to mine and not to hers but rather ours

I know that my fiance' can and will both work at it. I want this to be longterm not just a Britney Marriage (6 hours)

 

[blunomore]

Yes let us hope it lasts until 2011. Or rather for many many years after that

When I say move in together we will both find a new place and move in there. Not to mine and not to hers but rather ours

I know that my fiance' can and will both work at it. I want this to be longterm not just a Britney Marriage (6 hours)

Your post was a little confusing, thanks for clearing up the issue of living arrangements.

May I ask why you find it so hard to post about this that you had to do it under a pseudonym?

 

[koeks]

To everyone reading this thread.

I am not using my real username as I do want this to be private. Or as much as possible.

A while ago I met someone. We hit it off right away and the following months with that person has been awesome.

I somehow ended up proposing to this person the day after Valentines, to be honest I am not entirely sure how it happened. The "someone" accepted it and now we are engaged.

My point is did I rush this? We are not even living with each other yet

hahahah and they lived happily ever after...

 

[ld13]

May I ask why you find it so hard to post about this that you had to do it under a pseudonym?

Ah yes I have always been against people not using their real usernames.

However people at my work read this site. Which in turn would end up my family hearing about it. Not to mention all of my friends.

 

[blunomore]

Allrightyyyyyyyyy ........ so he is engaged, but he doesn't want his colleagues and subsequently his family to hear about it.

Good luck in keeping the marriage and children a secret

 

[DJ...]

To the women wearing their heart on their sleeves in this thread (yes, you too Acid ), as heart-tuggingly cute as this may sound to you, when you were 20 years old, in college, living with your parents, would you have been mature enough to make such a life-changing decision? Acid pointed out that hindsight is 20/20 - that's true, and hindsight is only insightful if you or others are able to learn from it - otherwise it's just a dormant memory. So put yourself in the OPs shoes/position and answer the question - maybe you have already, not sure.

I've been in love (shock, horror, I know) on a few occasions and felt the same way freakedout does right now, but I'd have been a little silly proposing to them all.

@freakedout - there are details you have omitted in order to protect your real username - those details are pertinent to this thread and your state of mind regarding this girl as well. You should post under your real username if others are going to get a better understanding of the full story.

Puppy-dog love is such a cliché, but very apt for where you find yourself right now I reckon - it may feel so right, but it only feels that way right now - marriage and proposals are serious things for women and they most certainly don't all see it as a mere commitment of a long term future, as is being implied sort of in this thread. You're messing with her heart if you proposed with no actual intentions of getting married yet - stating you want to marry her in 2011 is all good and well, but you've got a heap of ups and downs to get through until then - getting over those ups and downs are what will make you sure she is the one, and vica versa - not this fresh puppy-dog love that you're feeling at the moment - understanding this part is imo the sign of being mature enough to actually get married. You've got to get over those bumps in the road before proposing, otherwise it's just like playing games with both your hearts. Stating that love will resolve everything is absolute baloney, but it's easier to hear and accept than the truth, which is that love can only get you so far - the devil is in the details my friend.

And to those stating that love is an emotional decision and we should embrace it - yeah sure love is, but marriage isn't a purely emotional thing any longer and is also a two way street. I can only imagine how awful it would be for any female to eventually know that she was proposed to for the wrong reasons, or feel like her fiancée wasn't completely forthcoming about the reasons and his doubt. The sign of a mature relationship in this case would be one where you can talk openly and comfortably with each other about this very topic - if not, you're nowhere near ready for marriage...

 

[freakedout]

Your post was a little confusing, thanks for clearing up the issue of living arrangements.

May I ask why you find it so hard to post about this that you had to do it under a pseudonym?

Very good question Bluenomore and I am glad you asked it!

First of all I am sure most members here are wondering that. I have always wondered why some members do that. Always said that I never would.

You see my situation is very complex. It tends to tie in with not wanting my family not to know. Reason for this is that well I am not quite yet ready to be 100% independant. Almost I must admit but this year I must finish my studies and get a job.

Until then I am still at the "mercy" of my parent. Might I just add my parent is not fond of my fiance'. I do not know why but the parent would have a heart attack if he/she knew how serious I am planning to get.

*When I am out of the house i can mearly say "WTF you going to do about it?"* Perhaps I am a coward but I do think for now it is the best solution not telling them.

Now to answer your question more clearly, my parent tends to surf this forum and has friends who do. Alas they know my proper nickname. Using my proper nickname I do not have the same privacy that this one allows me to have

Most people who have asked me who I am, and have sent PM's

 

[blunomore]

Very good question Bluenomore and I am glad you asked it!

First of all I am sure most members here are wondering that. I have always wondered why some members do that. Always said that I never would.

You see my situation is very complex. It tends to tie in with not wanting my family not to know. Reason for this is that well I am not quite yet ready to be 100% independant. Almost I must admit but this year I must finish my studies and get a job.

Until then I am still at the "mercy" of my parent. Might I just add my parent is not fond of my fiance'. I do not know why but the parent would have a heart attack if he/she knew how serious I am planning to get.

*When I am out of the house i can mearly say "WTF you going to do about it?"* Perhaps I am a coward but I do think for now it is the best solution not telling them.

Now to answer your question more clearly, my parent tends to surf this forum and has friends who do. Alas they know my proper nickname. Using my proper nickname I do not have the same privacy that this one allows me to have

Most people who have asked me who I am, and have sent PM's

You raise a lot of 'new' issues, e.g. your parents do not like this girl, you are at their mercy, etc. etc.

Also, it almost sounds like you are wanting to rebel against them with the "WTF are you going to do about it" attitude.

Those would be the wrong reasons to get married.

JMO

 

[Lino]

After reading through this entire thread. 6 Pages of it, and listening to what everyone has to say.

If freakedout really wants this to move on, then perhaps some maturity by showing who it really is.

That is right I confess freakedout and Linoman is the same person

What DJK was referring to is remember that girl who had a boyfriend and left him for me? Well she is the girl I asked.

 

[DJ...]

What DJK was referring to is remember that girl who had a boyfriend and left him for me? Well she is the girl I asked.

Sweet - anonymity FTL.

Now we can move on. You also lost your virginity to this girl as well - big point! She's also your first true love, is she not? All pertinent points. Give yourself a shot at life first imo - don't make rash decisions you'll live to regret later. Live life and take the bull by the horns (or girl by the tits to continue Acid's beautiful analogy), but that doesn't mean settling down for the rest of your life just yet.

Lino, while she may tick all the right boxes for you right now, there is still too much to learn about her and yourself before you take this plunge and commit yourself to her for the rest of your life. For now, there is no harm in committing yourself to her for your foreseeable future, but marriage proposal should not be a priority for you just yet...

 

[ld13]

*en daar was stilte*

Congrats Linoman My opinion is to keep at it. Finish your studies, get a job and then both of you can look at/ponder about moving in if both of you are still interested in each other. Engagement is anything but Final. Disclaimer: I'm the last person anyone should ever ask about anything relationship related.

 

[blunomore]

To the women wearing their heart on their sleeves in this thread (yes, you too Acid ), as heart-tuggingly cute as this may sound to you, when you were 20 years old, in college, living with your parents, would you have been mature enough to make such a life-changing decision? Acid pointed out that hindsight is 20/20 - that's true, and hindsight is only insightful if you or others are able to learn from it - otherwise it's just a dormant memory. So put yourself in the OPs shoes/position and answer the question - maybe you have already, not sure.

I've been in love (shock, horror, I know) on a few occasions and felt the same way freakedout does right now, but I'd have been a little silly proposing to them all.

@freakedout - there are details you have omitted in order to protect your real username - those details are pertinent to this thread and your state of mind regarding this girl as well. You should post under your real username if others are going to get a better understanding of the full story.

Puppy-dog love is such a cliché, but very apt for where you find yourself right now I reckon - it may feel so right, but it only feels that way right now - marriage and proposals are serious things for women and they most certainly don't all see it as a mere commitment of a long term future, as is being implied sort of in this thread. You're messing with her heart if you proposed with no actual intentions of getting married yet - stating you want to marry her in 2011 is all good and well, but you've got a heap of ups and downs to get through until then - getting over those ups and downs are what will make you sure she is the one, and vica versa - not this fresh puppy-dog love that you're feeling at the moment - understanding this part is imo the sign of being mature enough to actually get married. You've got to get over those bumps in the road before proposing, otherwise it's just like playing games with both your hearts. Stating that love will resolve everything is absolute baloney, but it's easier to hear and accept than the truth, which is that love can only get you so far - the devil is in the details my friend.

And to those stating that love is an emotional decision and we should embrace it - yeah sure love is, but marriage isn't a purely emotional thing any longer and is also a two way street. I can only imagine how awful it would be for any female to eventually know that she was proposed to for the wrong reasons, or feel like her fiancée wasn't completely forthcoming about the reasons and his doubt. The sign of a mature relationship in this case would be one where you can talk openly and comfortably with each other about this very topic - if not, you're nowhere near ready for marriage...

At age 20, I was a carefree student. Marriage was the LAST thing on my mind. In my 2nd last and also my final study year, quite a few of my classmates got married. I have no idea if it worked out for them, I am just SO thankful I did not follow that route.

I am a big proponent of people going through the different stages/phases in life and not skipping one. So, if at all possible, I believe -

1. everyone should have the chance to be a student living away from their parents' home and experiencing student life;
2. everyone should start working a junior position so they learn what it is like to work you way up the ladder;
3. everyone should live on their own for at least a while to learn independence and be responsible for their own debt;
4. everyone should date for at least a few years to know that there are all types out there and that you need to keep your eyes wide open
5. everyone should get a chance to travel the wide world and experience how things happen in other parts of the world

and so on and so forth

I am afraid someone like freadedout will miss out on this golden opportunity.

 

[DJ...]

*en daar was stilte*

Congrats Linoman My opinion is to keep at it. Finish your studies, get a job and then both of you can look at/ponder about moving in if both of you are still interested in each other. Engagement is anything but Final. Disclaimer: I'm the last person anyone should ever ask about anything relationship related.

Would love to hear from the women in this thread as to how you feel about engagement? My opinion since breaking up with my ex-fiancée is that engagement should be taken as seriously as marriage, considering how I hurt her by proposing and not going through with it. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly at all, nor should the issue of engagement be trivialised to the point where the marriage aspect is forgotten or put on the back-burner - what then is the point of getting engaged? There is none...

 

[blunomore]

Would love to hear from the women in this thread as to how you feel about engagement? My opinion since breaking up with my ex-fiancée is that engagement should be taken as seriously as marriage, considering how I hurt her by proposing and not going through with it. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly at all, nor should the issue of engagement be trivialised to the point where the marriage aspect is forgotten or put on the back-burner - what then is the point of getting engaged? There is none...

Engagement is a very old-fashioned concept.

In today's world, living with someone = engagement, IF you plan/consider marrying that person later.

 

[DJ...]

Engagement is a very old-fashioned concept.

In today's world, living with someone = engagement, IF you plan/consider marrying that person later.

So you wake up one Saturday and decide to go get hitched the following day, is that how it works nowadays? Of course not - while it's routes are old, it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with it. One has to get engaged before tying the knot, and living with someone imo most certainly doesn't equate to being engaged in any way, regardless of how you feel. The point that it is discussed between two people and agreed upon, is the point that you become engaged officially. Maybe the practice of hopping down on one knee is old fashioned and has changed with the times, however the concept of engagement remains the same imo...

 

[thedutchman]

well good old lino is engaged good luck mate oh and dont forget to send the wedding invitations.. gosh, i dont know what to wear

 

[blunomore]

So you wake up one Saturday and decide to go get hitched the following day, is that how it works nowadays? Of course not - while it's routes are old, it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with it. One has to get engaged before tying the knot, and living with someone imo most certainly doesn't equate to being engaged in any way, regardless of how you feel. The point that it is discussed between two people and agreed upon, is the point that you become engaged officially. Maybe the practice of hopping down on one knee is old fashioned and has changed with the times, however the concept of engagement remains the same imo...

No.

People may e.g. live together, decide after 2 yrs to get married and do so within 2 weeks. Where is the 'engagement' in that scenario?