scotty777
...doesn't know
dude... that's like saying : "this is the 3rd restaurant i've eaten at, but it's definitely the best one out there", so sure, maybe it is, but the odds are there's another a fair bit better
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I am now engaged (Did I rush it)
- Thread starter freakedout
- Start date
dude... that's like saying : "this is the 3rd restaurant i've eaten at, but it's definitely the best one out there", so sure, maybe it is, but the odds are there's another a fair bit better
hyperian
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people are sometimes engaged for years. Just because you are engaged, doesnt mean you have to get married in a few months time. Enjoy being engaged for as long as you want to.
sand_man
Honorary Master
That's an accurate analogy of what I was getting at...dude... that's like saying : "this is the 3rd restaurant i've eaten at, but it's definitely the best one out there", so sure, maybe it is, but the odds are there's another a fair bit better
killadoob
Honorary Master
Scotty tell me after the 25th restaurant you've eaten at how can you be sure that is the best one? there could another 250 to eat at before you come close to the best one. I think this whole BS story about having eaten out only 3 times is rubbish. Women are not restaurants, if you find someone that gets you, i cannot see how you can equate that to a place selling food.
If you and this girl think this is a good idea then perfect man, your not married its just engaged. Hyperian has it spot on.
If you and this girl think this is a good idea then perfect man, your not married its just engaged. Hyperian has it spot on.
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Stokstert
Executive Member
Is there a shotgun wedding coming up? 
sand_man
Honorary Master
Killa I think the point is the more one has dated the more one is in a position to know what one is looking for...
It's not often we find "the one" right off the bat.
If you've only ever dated and loved one women how on earth can that be an educated and informed decision?
It's not often we find "the one" right off the bat.
If you've only ever dated and loved one women how on earth can that be an educated and informed decision?
killadoob
Honorary Master
Problem with your thinking and philosophy is if alot of men follow that mentality how many of them are the letting the ONE go because they do not think you can find her within the first 3 tries?
I dunno i know i found the one first time and sure there maybe be someone else out there but for the last 7 years she has seemed like the one. A lady that works with her has been with her husband since she was 15 and never dated anyone else, they are an amazing couple and in there early 30's. I don't think experience has anything to do with finding the one.
You know the one when you find it, can be the first 1 or the 50th one but you know, if you don't then it's not the one.
I dunno i know i found the one first time and sure there maybe be someone else out there but for the last 7 years she has seemed like the one. A lady that works with her has been with her husband since she was 15 and never dated anyone else, they are an amazing couple and in there early 30's. I don't think experience has anything to do with finding the one.
You know the one when you find it, can be the first 1 or the 50th one but you know, if you don't then it's not the one.
chiskop
Executive Member
And how do you know when you're at the seventh, eleventh or twenty-ninth [-]restaurant[/-] woman, that's she's the right one - that there's not someone "better" out there?
Like killa says, you'll miss her along the way.
I think we are all kinda missing the point here. Who cares how many women he has dated. There are 2 valid arguments and both sides are right. You are more informed the more experience you have but by the same token you can meet "Sally" and just know she's the one you're meant to be with.
Now back on track. You've definitely rushed it as you are still in the "honeymoon" period so to speak. Where she can laugh like a hyena and you will still find it cute. Not to mention the fact that you aren't financially stable to handle a marriage. In my opinion you shouldn't get engaged when you are still dependant on your folks. So while love is in the air and you are both feeling euphoric you have to wake up and smell the roses. If i were you i wouldn't set a date until much later on when you at least have a full-time job.
I'm curious...*this is probably a chick thing* but how did you afford a ring?
Now back on track. You've definitely rushed it as you are still in the "honeymoon" period so to speak. Where she can laugh like a hyena and you will still find it cute. Not to mention the fact that you aren't financially stable to handle a marriage. In my opinion you shouldn't get engaged when you are still dependant on your folks. So while love is in the air and you are both feeling euphoric you have to wake up and smell the roses. If i were you i wouldn't set a date until much later on when you at least have a full-time job.
I'm curious...*this is probably a chick thing* but how did you afford a ring?
guest2013-1
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blablablabla
don't listen to her dude.
RE: your living arrangements. If you're not sure to tell anyone yet. Keep it that way.
Here's a few things I learned during the last 20 years or so:
a) They won't kill you. Their reaction might suprise you
b) If you are still dependant on them and still scared about their reaction PROVE to them (and yourself) you can be independant by creating goals towards that
3) There is no spoon
iv) Fear is crippling. You can't get rid of it. However, you can embrace it, face the monster head on and afterwards realize you were just stupid in thinking that.
z) Not being able to move in together until end of this year might be a good thing. Slow but sure. Tell your parents/family/friends: "Hey bitches, guess who's getting married?!" And when they freak out (IF THEY FREAK OUT, BIG IF) leave it and when they calm down tell them that you're taking it slow and you'll only move in together end of this year and perhaps only get married a year after that, but that you are so convinced she's the one for you you were relieved she felt the same way and think it's worth a shot as uncle Acid on the myBB forums said that true happiness just doesn't fall in one's lap and that you are a lucky bliksem and it did. So why not.
If your parents and/or friends truely love you for who you are and who you've grown up in they'll support you. Just get ready for a lot of "advice" and "are you sure?" questions.
Dude and ignore everything what everyone else is telling you. You proposed. Took a leap of faith and it paid off. Why ruin it not by listening to jealous people like Jewelbox and others
guest2013-1
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Oh and another thing. If you pass up this opportunity then you'll regret it for the rest of your life. "What if this, what if that" <-- not worth it in the long run
If you tell people with confidence, handle the situation as it comes. Don't let them discourage you. Its your life, its your win or lose moment. Just because daddy's 2nd girlfriend dumped him for a guy hung like a horse after he thought he was going to marry her too is no reason for ANYONE to tell you different? Ya hear?
So what if 5 years down the line (or 5 months from now even) it doesn't work out. Then you can tell people you asked someone to marry you and you got a YES answer. I mean how ****ing sweet is that?!
If you tell people with confidence, handle the situation as it comes. Don't let them discourage you. Its your life, its your win or lose moment. Just because daddy's 2nd girlfriend dumped him for a guy hung like a horse after he thought he was going to marry her too is no reason for ANYONE to tell you different? Ya hear?
So what if 5 years down the line (or 5 months from now even) it doesn't work out. Then you can tell people you asked someone to marry you and you got a YES answer. I mean how ****ing sweet is that?!
Wow some men really are idealistic about love. Who woulda thought!
Nice one guys!
Yes, it must be nice floating on a white, fluffy cloud writing romance novels. For the rest of us in the real world it is a little different.
Yes, it might be "nice" to be beef up one's own ego/state of mind by knowing that someone accepted a marriage proposal, it's a different story altogether being responsible about it and proposing when you actually feel ready to get married to the right person. freakedout - you will never know her until you've lived with her, a few months is not long enough imo and being dependant on your parents means that you don't even know yourself yet, how could she know you? And regardless of what you're told about it being such a fuzzy wuzzy feeling that you're engaged, reality will be a kick in the nads when it finally dawns on you that you haven't actually even begun adulthood yet.
No offence intended here, just a reality check. You're living with your parents, are dependant on them, have never lived on your own, aren't adult enough to tell them about this, proposed in a "not-so-sober" state and have since doubted the decision. It's OK to discuss the future and even marriage with someone without actually proposing, in fact I reckon that's preferable.
Take the fluffy-romance stuff out of the picture and think about this logically for a second. Are you prepared to get married? If not, then why propose?
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guest2013-1
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This is a prime example of how someone else's experience will lead you to doubt. Even though I know DJK has the best intentions, do NOT be discouraged by this. There is no cut and dry formula in life.
My uncle is getting remarried and his wife died 6 months ago. He's old and seasoned in everything life had to throw at him and THEN some. I love my aunt to bits and I will always miss her. Do I think he's being a bit too hasty? No. Why? Because I respect him enough to know that his decision to remarry this early is based off of him living in the moment, him finding someone he can be happy with and him looking to the future and what CAN be.
Do you think he's scared of what my gran might say? **** yes. But he won't back down and he will do what he feels is right in that moment even though 10 000 people tell him otherwise.
It's you that's accountable for your own happiness at the end of the day. Sure this whole thing can blow up in your face but you know? You're better off than me for not even trying when it felt right.
DJK, same thing to you. You've been engaged before. Broke it off 2 months before the wedding. That took balls. Same situation though, when you broke it off, did you consider your own happiness and where you want to be in life? Of course you did. And going on from whatever reason you may have decided to break things off... do you regret it? I reckon a small part of you does. But for the bigger picture part you don't.
So how would poor old freakedout know if he will be happy or not. In "the real world" it's people who take chances, leaps of faith and when life knocks them down and they get up again and do it again that get ahead in life IMO.
Remember kids. Nothing beats a plan. If you say "we going to move in sometime" or "we going to get married within the next 5 years" thats not good enough. "Come 23rd of December 2009 I'm moving in with my fiance and we're setting a date for 2011"
THOSE are goals working towards. And any problems coming at you until that time will be a test to how strong your relationship really is, and even if things might seem dismal, if you survive that then your relationship will be stronger than ever and I want 1 person on this forum to come to me and say I'm talking ***.
Don't give up based on fear of what might happen. Grab the stripper by the tits and hope to god the bouncers don't kick your ass.... if they do.... then you grabbed her tits. If they don't.... you're grabbing her tits...
Bull... horns... whatever analogy. I like mine best
My uncle is getting remarried and his wife died 6 months ago. He's old and seasoned in everything life had to throw at him and THEN some. I love my aunt to bits and I will always miss her. Do I think he's being a bit too hasty? No. Why? Because I respect him enough to know that his decision to remarry this early is based off of him living in the moment, him finding someone he can be happy with and him looking to the future and what CAN be.
Do you think he's scared of what my gran might say? **** yes. But he won't back down and he will do what he feels is right in that moment even though 10 000 people tell him otherwise.
It's you that's accountable for your own happiness at the end of the day. Sure this whole thing can blow up in your face but you know? You're better off than me for not even trying when it felt right.
DJK, same thing to you. You've been engaged before. Broke it off 2 months before the wedding. That took balls. Same situation though, when you broke it off, did you consider your own happiness and where you want to be in life? Of course you did. And going on from whatever reason you may have decided to break things off... do you regret it? I reckon a small part of you does. But for the bigger picture part you don't.
So how would poor old freakedout know if he will be happy or not. In "the real world" it's people who take chances, leaps of faith and when life knocks them down and they get up again and do it again that get ahead in life IMO.
Remember kids. Nothing beats a plan. If you say "we going to move in sometime" or "we going to get married within the next 5 years" thats not good enough. "Come 23rd of December 2009 I'm moving in with my fiance and we're setting a date for 2011"
THOSE are goals working towards. And any problems coming at you until that time will be a test to how strong your relationship really is, and even if things might seem dismal, if you survive that then your relationship will be stronger than ever and I want 1 person on this forum to come to me and say I'm talking ***.
Don't give up based on fear of what might happen. Grab the stripper by the tits and hope to god the bouncers don't kick your ass.... if they do.... then you grabbed her tits. If they don't.... you're grabbing her tits...
Bull... horns... whatever analogy. I like mine best
Acid - sorry about your aunt.
I still read most of that as fluffy-waffle. A long, drawn-out point being, go for it, regardless of repercussions.
Took me over 4 years to figure out my fiancée wasn't right for me. I could have sworn she was though up until the day that I broke up with her, which was just me justifying things to myself. Life is not always about grabbing the stripper by the tits, but rather about learning from the previous twit who grabbed the stripper by the tits and promptly woke up in hospital with a concussion, 4 broken ribs and a disfigured face. Anyone with half a brain doesn't see that as an opportunity to grab tits, but rather to learn not to grab the stripper by the tits, unless you're prepared to deal with the major repercussions.
Interesting analogy though - 13 year olds shouldn't be visiting the strip club in the first place. And although I know the OP is a little older than that, I believe that is where he is emotionally in this relationship, without much to use as real world experience. Use the logical part of your brain here Acid, a 20 year old living at home, never been away from his "parents" (yes, I know the story freakedout), and a few other things that I cannot state without revealing the identity of freakedout, do not amount to anyone in a position to get married. If you're not prepared to get married yet, then you're not prepared to propose imo. It just makes no sense whatsoever - that is where a little common sense and maturity comes in to play. If you're proposing for the wrong reasons, you are setting a benchmark for the relationship imo, and that benchmark aint very high...
I still read most of that as fluffy-waffle. A long, drawn-out point being, go for it, regardless of repercussions.
Took me over 4 years to figure out my fiancée wasn't right for me. I could have sworn she was though up until the day that I broke up with her, which was just me justifying things to myself. Life is not always about grabbing the stripper by the tits, but rather about learning from the previous twit who grabbed the stripper by the tits and promptly woke up in hospital with a concussion, 4 broken ribs and a disfigured face. Anyone with half a brain doesn't see that as an opportunity to grab tits, but rather to learn not to grab the stripper by the tits, unless you're prepared to deal with the major repercussions.
Interesting analogy though - 13 year olds shouldn't be visiting the strip club in the first place. And although I know the OP is a little older than that, I believe that is where he is emotionally in this relationship, without much to use as real world experience. Use the logical part of your brain here Acid, a 20 year old living at home, never been away from his "parents" (yes, I know the story freakedout), and a few other things that I cannot state without revealing the identity of freakedout, do not amount to anyone in a position to get married. If you're not prepared to get married yet, then you're not prepared to propose imo. It just makes no sense whatsoever - that is where a little common sense and maturity comes in to play. If you're proposing for the wrong reasons, you are setting a benchmark for the relationship imo, and that benchmark aint very high...