I know a secret....

Elimentals said:
Well to be fair I have done my decision making part as mentioned in the 1st post. So is not really a ask for advice post, more of a what would you do kind of question.

Oh for the record the last thing I would want is for them to spend sympathy time with me. I rather them keep thinking I was an a hole and move on after I am gone.
Click to expand...

but what if the secret comes out and everyone realises that you were a a-hole for a reason and at the same time realise who you were and realise its too late to change what happened in the past?

Why would you have people think you are a bad person when in actual fact you are a good one with a few problems? (like us all)
 
Let's see. Your (married) brother shagged a prozzie, realized he made a huge mistake and just wants to move on and be happy with his family. There are no STD's involved. He realized he loves his wife and he doesn't want to hurt her or his children so he keeps quiet about his stupid mistake. They're happier now than they've ever been and have resolved their marital issues.

Now, you're on your deathbed and you're wondering if you should tell your sister-in-law, knowing that it will put tremendous strain on their relationship and might ultimately brake it and shatter their happy lives. If you keep quiet, they live happily ever after. If you tell her, she's heartbroken, the kids find out and never speak to the father again. He becomes an alcoholic, loses his job and spends the next year on the street where he ultimately succumbs to the cold and dies.

See, things aren't always black and white. ;)
 
Nocturnity said:
Let's see. Your (married) brother shagged a prozzie, realized he made a huge mistake and just wants to move on and be happy with his family. There are no STD's involved. He realized he loves his wife and he doesn't want to hurt her or his children so he keeps quiet about his stupid mistake. They're happier now than they've ever been and have resolved their marital issues.

Now, you're on your deathbed and you're wondering if you should tell your sister-in-law, knowing that it will put tremendous strain on their relationship and might ultimately brake it and shatter their happy lives. If you keep quiet, they live happily ever after. If you tell her, she's heartbroken, the kids find out and never speak to the father again. He becomes an alcoholic, loses his job and spends the next year on the street where he ultimately succumbs to the cold and dies.

See, things aren't always black and white. ;)
Click to expand...

But you're living a lie. Your relationship is a lie. You never allowed HER to make the decision to stay with you. You're basing your relationship on deceit.

Should she ever find out, accidentally or otherwise, it would be significantly worse and you would only have served to betray her further and delay the inevitable.

The truth is always better than lying (and lying through omission is still lying).

Either way, if you love someone, your relationship should be founded on trust, commitment and honesty. If you can't be honest with your partner then, trust me, your relationship was over a long time ago and is running on borrowed time.

How would you feel if your partner slept with someone else? Would you want to share a bed with them? Kiss them? Or would you prefer to not know?

It's her decision to make. It's up to HER what to do and how to move on. Not the guilty party's.
 
Lycanthrope said:
But you're living a lie. Your relationship is a lie. You never allowed HER to make the decision to stay with you. You're basing your relationship on deceit.
Click to expand...
This is true.
Lycanthrope said:
Should she ever find out, accidentally or otherwise, it would be significantly worse and you would only have served to betray her further and delay the inevitable.
Click to expand...
Only death and taxes are inevitable. ;)
Lycanthrope said:
How would you feel if your partner slept with someone else? Would you want to share a bed with them? Kiss them? Or would you prefer to not know?
Click to expand...
This is actually a difficult question. If she made a mistake once and realized it, I'm not entirely sure that I'd want to know about it. I honestly believe at times that ignorance is bliss. Slightly OT, but this is proved by stupid people. They're generally happier than intelligent, free thinking people. :D

So, yeah... I'm not quite convinced that it would be a good idea. I've actually heard partners say that they wish their partners never told them.

That said, I'm certainly no expert on relationships! Hell, I'm 29 and still single! :D
 
From what I gathered, OP already lied which made people think he is a a-hole. But they don't know it is a lie. He willingly took the blame to protect another person while he is innocent and in the process losing respect from others.

As in, person A steals something (or a similar crime or morally wrong) and OP covers for him and confesses that it was him and not person A. Maybe because OP feels he has less to lose. Person A may have a prosperous future career on the line for example, or his/her whole life ahead. Maybe covered for a family member? Don't think it is adultery as I can't see how you can cover for someone in that situation.
 
Stefanmuller said:
From what I gathered, OP already lied which made people think he is a a-hole. But they don't know it is a lie. He willingly took the blame to protect another person while he is innocent and in the process losing respect from others.

As in, person A steals something (or a similar crime or morally wrong) and OP covers for him and confesses that it was him and not person A. Maybe because OP feels he has less to lose. Person A may have a prosperous future career on the line for example, or his/her whole life ahead. Maybe covered for a family member? Don't think it is adultery as I can't see how you can cover for someone in that situation.
Click to expand...

Its not guess the crime :)

Its what would you do if you where in that boat?
 
Depends on the secret. I don't really care what people think of me but I'm not gonna go out of my way to protect some other idiot that is not worth protecting.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top
Sign up to the MyBroadband newsletter
X