Is DIVORCE really that bad when...

Tamagotchi said:
I definately took a serious hit on self-confidence that I realise very well. What do you mean by always trying to justify her actions???
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Go read your posts, you seem to have a reason for everything she did to you
 
You guys know. For the almost 2 weeks we're not speaking, a lot dawned on me. It could have been emotional abuse. In a case as this you have a lot time to dig and gget the negatives out of things. I think its a way of justifying your actions or like getting psyched up for a fight. Making yourself the righteous one. The good thing is a lot of really bad occasions came up in my mind. Which is making think, screw this marriage. Does this makes sence to you all???
 
Tamagotchi said:
You guys know. For the almost 2 weeks we're not speaking, a lot dawned on me. It could have been emotional abuse. In a case as this you have a lot time to dig and gget the negatives out of things. I think its a way of justifying your actions or like getting psyched up for a fight. Making yourself the righteous one. The good thing is a lot of really bad occasions came up in my mind. Which is making think, screw this marriage. Does this makes sence to you all???
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Only you will know. If you don't think it will ever work then do it.
 
Good place to post your question - it's a valid question
Don't be quick to give up just because you're both stubborn (like every other person on earth) ;)

Reasons to stay married

...and more good answers to q's couples ask
http://www.markgungorshow.com/articles

I seriously recommend the two of you giving Mark Gungor's "Laugh your way to a better marriage". It's a brilliant system on DVD... hilarious but very practical. I'm not saying there's a quick fix by a long shot, but I'm saying you might find the spark that you need to give it your best shot.
 
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I'm busy writing a book on a 4 year divorce saga over 8 years of marriage. What makes it particularly compelling is that it's a searing indictment of systems and people; of a hellish journey through the Labyrinthine Psychiatric profession replete with Forensic psychologists; the arcane, morally and ethically bankrupt legal profession; The Private drug addiction treatment centers, inept private social workers; the Mediators and Family mediation associations replete with conflicts of interest, Crooked Advocates at Bar; the Law Society, and Facilitators appointed by various bodies, Fathers4justice, the new Childrens Act (and why it doesn't work), The Family Advocates, the SAPS, the Sheriffs Office and the various courts and applications from High Court right down through Maintenence and Domestic violence courts... and when all is done and dusted, it should be quite the eye popper.
 
Sinbad said:
If you love each other, work it out. Get some therapy/counselling. Figure out why you fight, learn to communicate properly. Teach your kids a good example.
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Completely agree with this!
 
My heart feels ripped apart and swuashed into a million pieces. There's no sign of reconciliation on her part. Think I'll move out on sunday.
 
As much as it hurts him, he can't really let her walk all over him - if what he states is true
 
YingYang said:
As much as it hurts him, he can't really let her walk all over him - if what he states is true
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I think there is a time when action is required which ever way. Reconciliation has to be two way. Hopefully the action spurs her to think about what they have.
 
when things are going well, its lekker. when things are rocky the days are dark and very crappy. sometimes you wonder if walking away is the answer...
 
I keep on myself about the times she slapped me in the face even in front of people, and my conclusion is that she has a superiority complex. Its like if she doesn't get her way she resorts to physival abuse. And that's usually the actions of a weak person. Just the way she talked to me when I asked a simple thing yesterday. She went "just leave me alone" so on sunday I will.
 
Tamagotchi said:
I keep on myself about the times she slapped me in the face even in front of people, and my conclusion is that she has a superiority complex. Its like if she doesn't get her way she resorts to physival abuse. And that's usually the actions of a weak person. Just the way she talked to me when I asked a simple thing yesterday. She went "just leave me alone" so on sunday I will.
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Female on male violence is never acceptable. This really sounds like she is trying to get you to leave her.
 
You are going to have depression (if you don't have it already). It is a difficult situation.
I don't think both of you will solve this problem by yourselves. You need a mediator (marriage counselor) of some sort.
The longer you delay this, the more difficult it will be. Do you think you have what it takes to resolve this?
 
Fuma said:
You are going to have depression (if you don't have it already). It is a difficult situation.
I don't think both of you will solve this problem by yourselves. You need a mediator (marriage counselor) of some sort.
The longer you delay this, the more difficult it will be. Do you think you have what it takes to resolve this?
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Yes . I do. As said went before, we went for counseling, but the guy was very one-sided in my opinion. At the end of our first or second session he said something like "you'll notice that I like to take the girls' side" in a joking way. And I thought to myself- many a true word in said in jest you ****er.
 
Fuma said:
You are going to have depression (if you don't have it already). It is a difficult situation.
I don't think both of you will solve this problem by yourselves. You need a mediator (marriage counselor) of some sort.
The longer you delay this, the more difficult it will be. Do you think you have what it takes to resolve this?
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I think the real problem we're sitting with here is the fact that she does not want to be with him and is trying to get him to leave her. I'm not sure a mediator will change the way she's feeling about him TBH
 
Tamagotchi said:
Yes . I do. As said went before, we went for counseling, but the guy was very one-sided in my opinion. At the end of our first or second session he said something like "you'll notice that I like to take the girls' side" in a joking way. And I thought to myself- many a true word in said in jest you ****er.
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How many kids did you say you have and their age?
 
Tamagotchi said:
Yes . I do. As said went before, we went for counseling, but the guy was very one-sided in my opinion. At the end of our first or second session he said something like "you'll notice that I like to take the girls' side" in a joking way. And I thought to myself- many a true word in said in jest you ****er.
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Yeah... not useful. Watch Mark Gungors stuff and people think he's unfairly biased towards guys when in fact he just points out that society in general is often against the male POV. That said, he's not unfairly biased or anything.
 
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