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Question of the Day: What is your ultimate pancake filling/topping?
Living together
- Thread starter Jewelbox
- Start date
LazyLion
King of de Jungle
Living together is a "cop-out"
It is a failure or refusal to commit.
There will always be the underlying distrust... "this person does not actually love me enough to make a final commitment to me, and one day they are going to leave me"
It is for people who can never ever truly love. Cos love says I will be with you until your dying day, come what may, no matter what.... but living together says "hey, I like you... but don't get too cosy... cos one day you are outta here... or if the going gets tough... then I am outta here"
Come on... you know I am right.
It is a failure or refusal to commit.
There will always be the underlying distrust... "this person does not actually love me enough to make a final commitment to me, and one day they are going to leave me"
It is for people who can never ever truly love. Cos love says I will be with you until your dying day, come what may, no matter what.... but living together says "hey, I like you... but don't get too cosy... cos one day you are outta here... or if the going gets tough... then I am outta here"
Come on... you know I am right.
shadow_man
Executive Member
I never have lived with anyone with whom ive been in a relationship - other than holidays etc - hey im only 22 - but im contemplating it at the moment if the current relationship lasts - which im really sure it will - never wanted to do it before but now I really do...
J
Nocturnity
Expert Member
Until you get divorced? Come now... Surely you are not that naïve?
Besides, sometimes people just grow apart and the relationship doesn't work for either of the parties anymore. I don't believe humans were ever meant to be monogamous. We change too much during our lives for that to work. That doesn't mean no-one can do it.
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blunomore
Honorary Master
Living together is a "cop-out"
It is a failure or refusal to commit.
There will always be the underlying distrust... "this person does not actually love me enough to make a final commitment to me, and one day they are going to leave me"
It is for people who can never ever truly love. Cos love says I will be with you until your dying day, come what may, no matter what.... but living together says "hey, I like you... but don't get too cosy... cos one day you are outta here... or if the going gets tough... then I am outta here"
Come on... you know I am right.
By the same analogy, are you seriously so deluded that you think all people get married for love?
Do you have any inkling of the number of people getting married for money, for 'the sake of the kids', for (what they perceive as) status .... ?
LazyLion
King of de Jungle
I never said there was anything wrong with it. I just said that marriage is for those who believe in the commitment and are willing to make it.
The wedding vows say nothing about divorce.... But if you think it is a possibility then perhaps you should insert it in there when you get married.
... "until death or divorce do us part".
Kinda the same thing then... living together... or getting married with the possibility of divorce.... either way... you are admitting "I don't think I can love you forever."
I know people grow apart... but then they were under the wrong impression when they got married!
Marriage is not "I hope I feel like I love you for the rest of my life"... but rather...
"I WILL love you for the rest of my life, and if I start to grow apart, I will take steps to love you again until we grow back together"
That is TRUE love.
I want a spouse who says to me "I will love you forever, I will fall in love with you forever, over and over again every day for the rest of your life"
I want a spouse who will sit beside my bed when I am dying of cancer.
I want a spouse who when a hot guy starts hitting on her says "excuse me, but I have pledged my love to another".
If I am willing to make that commitment, why shouldn't my spouse.
I might be Naive... but my grandparents were married for 55 years (until he died)... my parents have been and still are married after 42 years. And I plan to be married until the day I die.
My Mom has rheumatoid arthritis and terrible shingles... and the love and patience that I see in my father is what I want as well... for my wife... forever.
I want to be a man who keeps his word. I stood at that altar and swore before God and those people that I would love this woman forever.... and I intend to keep that vow.
People who live together are entitled to their love and their relationship. I just don't think you can compare the two kinds of love.
LazyLion
King of de Jungle
I can't speak for them. I don't know what their intentions were. All I know is they stood there and made a promise.
I also stood there and made a promise... I intend to keep it.
Do I have a right to go to them when they are ready to get divorced and ask them... "what did you mean when you said (back then) ... until death do us part???"
and if not... why not?
Divorce is a breach of contract... a breaking of the word between two partners. I think it is sad that people can't keep their word.
What ever happened to integrity?
blunomore
Honorary Master
I get the distinct impression you look down on people who choose not to marry. In your eyes it is a 'lesser love'.
No idea how old you are, but if you have seen what some married people do to each other, how they use and abuse and break down whilst professing love, you may be surprised. Not all married couples are poster children for everlasting love.
I am considering getting married too, by the way, so I am not dissing your choices. But it is crucial that you understand it is not about the marriage or the living together, it is about the two people involved !!
Necuno
Court Jester
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well im moving in with my gf, we been together now for 10 years and putting on the ring is not going ++ or -- my commitment to her, i have long ago committed myself to her fully in all and she to me.
Theres difference between living together and living together. Being married doesn't automatically equals perfect love, and perfect commitment. I do feel sorry for those who need a material thing to express their commitment and love; they are truly blind.
-isn't marriage in its purest form an oath to stay, love and support with your lover for as long as you are alive ?
Theres difference between living together and living together. Being married doesn't automatically equals perfect love, and perfect commitment. I do feel sorry for those who need a material thing to express their commitment and love; they are truly blind.
-isn't marriage in its purest form an oath to stay, love and support with your lover for as long as you are alive ?
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LazyLion
King of de Jungle
Then you have completely misunderstood me.
I never said the marriage makes the people.
I said the people make the marriage.
That's why I asked... "what ever happened to integrity?"
Not all doctors are good doctors... but they do take an oath to "do good"
I think that is a noble thing and that they should try their best to live up to that oath.
A doctor who refuses to take that oath... is a doctor who is not going to get my business.
BUT... I don't look down on people who choose not to marry... anymore than I look down on nurses or physical therapists. They choose what they want and feel capable of.
but I hope they don't walk around and tell everyone they are doctors and are willing to live up to that oath, when they have never taken such an oath.
Therefore people who live together should be under no illusions about the kind of relationship they are getting involved in. They can feel in love lots and be very happy... but it is not a lifelong marriage commitment... until they say the magic words.
I don't beleive in staying together if not married. I also don't beleive that if you are happily staying together you will be happily married later on. I heard of so many couples staying together for years and then move out and divorce shortly after getting married.
blunomore
Honorary Master
Well obviously it is not a lifelong MARRIAGE commitment, but it can still be a lifelong commitment.
Why so hung up on marriage as a symbol of commitment? Is it is the 'in front of God' bit or is it the 'in the eyes of the law' bit?
By the way, love cannot be measured. If you can, please please please sell me the patent !
Peder
Hobbit
i totally agree with you Gary. Integrity went out the window at some time or other, I'm 17 and its sometimes hard for me to keep my integrity when eveyone around me couldn't give a hoot, about the next girl. So i think marriage is something sacred and a promise to never part.
LazyLion
King of de Jungle
Well obviously it is not a lifelong MARRIAGE commitment, but it can still be a lifelong commitment.
Why so hung up on marriage as a symbol of commitment? Is it is the 'in front of God' bit or is it the 'in the eyes of the law' bit?
By the way, love cannot be measured. If you can, please please please sell me the patent !
Then that was a byproduct, but not the ultimate goal.... which is not necessarily a bad thing... that would be great.
I am not hung up on it ... for anybody else. But yes, I am hung up on it for me.
I want to be a man of my word. I am not perfect... and have made many mistakes... and God knows I don't deserve the wife I have. But I swore to her I was gonna try... and by dadgum... I am gonna try.
love cannot be measured... in the immediate... but it can certainly be measured in the past!
How much did all the men who died in World War 2 for the Allies love freedom?
If we counted them individually on the day... would not have looked like much.
But collectively, after the fact... nearly 70 years later... Wow, they loved freedom a hell of a lot.
..and when I am lying in my wooden box one day... I want people to say "he loved her a hell of a lot!"
LazyLion
King of de Jungle
Thank you. I am all for love.... and I think it is great where-ever I see it. Love is a beautiful thing. I think it should be encouraged.
If two people came to me and asked my advice (kinda like the thread title here did)... I would encourage them to make the commitment and get married.
If they choose to live together, that is their choice. I don't look down on them... but in a way I feel sad for them... cos it coulda been so much more!
blunomore
Honorary Master
If you think that people will only say "he loved her a hell of a lot" if you were married to her, then you miss the essence of love (in my opinion, of course).
Love is not about the OUTSIDE, it is not about the VEHICLE you choose for your relationship, it is not about the MANIFESTATIONS it takes. Love is kindness and compassion, in whatever form.
Love is not about the OUTSIDE, it is not about the VEHICLE you choose for your relationship, it is not about the MANIFESTATIONS it takes. Love is kindness and compassion, in whatever form.
killadoob
Honorary Master
Wish my Fiancee would give out the "love" more often though
The minute you commit to a chick, your sex life goes for a ball of shyte.
The minute you commit to a chick, your sex life goes for a ball of shyte.
Lycanthrope
Honorary Master
Funnily enough, the most difficult part for me is how to refer to Mr Blu when talking to other people -
- If you say 'partner', it sounds too business-like;
- If you say 'boyfriend', it sounds like you're in high school;
- If you say 'lover', it sounds like you're having an affair.
I like the term, "partner" a lot. Kind of like saying you're in it together for the long haul no matter what. I agree with you on the rest though
@ Garyvdh - People can commit to each other in their hearts, minds (& souls, if you believe in that sort of thing) without having to sign a piece of paper or stand in front of a group of people.
One thing that still gets me is that in almost every marriage you get, "Until death do us part." Sort of ironic if you believe in an afterlife, souls, etc. And even if you don't, what's wrong with honouring your partner's memory?
Those are the personal questions I find myself faced with in my relationship. I'm not married, but I don't plan on just being committed, "until death." I'm committed to my partner as long as I exist in one way or the other, and I believe my partner feels the same.
killadoob
Honorary Master
Dude every chick wants a wedding day, whether they say it or not.
If you have the money marry her already.
Problem with a wedding is not everyone has 15-75k or more available for one.
If you have the money marry her already.
Problem with a wedding is not everyone has 15-75k or more available for one.
*Applause*