Marriage/Relationship Advice

HunterNW said:
Been there twice. Everything you say sounds so familiar. Pitty i didn't meet a soulmate through any of the divorces.
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Its so crappy. Not a day goes by where I cant get this new woman out of my head, she has made me laugh and smile more in the last month than my wife has in the last 3.

Which really sucks, my wife and I used to be partners in crime. Then it felt like one day she woke up and was someone else.

We all change I know but her change has been a drastic one.
 
FlippyCake said:
Its so crappy. Not a day goes by where I cant get this new woman out of my head, she has made me laugh and smile more in the last month than my wife has in the last 3.
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On the real though, your honeymoon phase will last only so long until you see the cracks and the shortcomings of the new one to the point that you would wish she had some of the skills your wife had, and vice versa.
No two parties are perfect.
 
Cheat on your wife, and if you feel bad about it, then she is the one.
 
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WOOOW.. this is a toughy.. the thing is... you did make a decision to marry this chick.. remember woman are very hard to understand and to figure out.. maybe she feels you don't want her the same as you used to? maybe she is doing this for you?

I don't know perhaps there is someone else? check her phone.. best place to start
go into file manager
Whatsapp
sent pics

Maybe there is evidence of someone and your hunch could be correct?
 
Just the thought of this new woman inspires me to want to push harder in life and do more. She doesn't drink or anything like that, which ordinarily I would be like "hey we all need a drink" but since meeting her, my alcohol consumption is basically 0, I don't feel the need to want to have a drink most evenings like I did before. Would usually come home and have a beer or glass of wine, now its only on weekends.
 
CamiKaze said:
On the real though, your honeymoon phase will last only so long until you see the cracks and the shortcomings of the new one to the point that you would wish she had some of the skills your wife had, and vice versa.
No two parties are perfect.
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I know right, its scary.

I fought tooth and nail for this marriage and look where I am now.....the universe works in strange ways
 
FlippyCake said:
I know right, its scary.

I fought tooth and nail for this marriage and look where I am now.....the universe works in strange ways
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If you have to fight for it then it's probably not worth it.
 
FlippyCake said:
If only it was that easy, maybe to some people it is.
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It is that easy. Decide what you want and go for it. It'll either work or fail. If it fails, there's other hot young pieces.

Also, post pics of both girls.
 
ReeceDBN031 said:
WOOOW.. this is a toughy.. the thing is... you did make a decision to marry this chick.. remember woman are very hard to understand and to figure out.. maybe she feels you don't want her the same as you used to? maybe she is doing this for you?

I don't know perhaps there is someone else? check her phone.. best place to start
go into file manager
Whatsapp
sent pics

Maybe there is evidence of someone and your hunch could be correct?
Click to expand...
I know and I took my vows seriously, even though it sounds like I am ready to drop everything for this other woman.

She has noticed the lack of intimacy and I have been honest about her body, told her I appreciate the effort and all credit due she does look amazing, I just don't like woman who are that toned and she has always known this. She understands where I am coming from but keep raising the bar at gym, so much so she has been competing at cross fit events
 
FlippyCake said:
Ladies and Gents,

Yes this is a throw away account but I need help. I fully expect to be told the way I am feeling is wrong, but I need to hear what people honestly think.

So I have been married to my wife for 5 years and we have been together for 10. We have no kids. She is 8 years younger than me.

As with any relationship we have always had our ups and downs, thankfully more ups than downs.

My wife travels a lot for work overseas, so we have spent quite a bit of time apart over the last 3 years, 4 weeks at a time to be exact. I have not had a wondering eye when she has been away.

So last year she comes back from working in Australia and something was off, she kept saying she was fine until one day I get a WhatsApp that says "I cant do this anymore I want a divorce", I mean over WhatsApp, not even a phone call!

I try and talk to her about this and she is steadfast in her decision, I immediately think there is someone else. Turns out there was no one else.

Long story short, both sides of the family get involved and we end up going to counselling and things are back on track, she apologises and says she had a melt down due to the stresses at work.

Since then the relationship has not been the same for 2 reasons :

1. When we met she was a petite woman (I like my woman to look feminine, shoot me if you think I am a MCP) and over the last 2 years she has started weight training at gym. She is not looking at becoming a body builder but her once petite womanly frame has become rather muscular (I am quite sizeable myself so we are still in proportion) but she knows how I feel about woman with muscles. She went and cut her hair short, whereas it was always long and beautiful and the only clothes I EVER see her in for the last year is gym gear with her hair tied back. Even if we go out to family or friends she is always in gym gear. I forget what she looks like with her hair done and dressed normally.
2. After her wanting a divorce I feel very jaded, I do love her but with the above in mind I am feeling a lot less attracted to her and I am still very very hurt after her wanting to just end everything.

Rambling here I know but the crux is coming.

So our marriage is back on track to a point. With her working away so much and spending her life at gym we get very little time together, I also work late nights most days. Our sex life has dipped dramatically, one reason is because I am finding her less attractive, we went from having sex 4 to 5 times a week to maybe once every 3 weeks. I also feel like we have this huge distance between us now, we no longer like the same things, I am still the person I was but she has changed a lot down to her tastes in movies and music.

So one day I meet this chick...….and every little fibre in my body stands up and I feel things I have NEVER felt in my life before, so much so I cant find words to describe them, but they feel great.

She makes me feel alive by just talking to her when I see her. And no I have not cheated on my wife, the most this new chick and I have done is just hug each other hello and goodbye.

The age difference between me and the new chick is 12 years. So she is quite young. She just captivates me in every way, we share all the same interests, she is so feminine and beautiful without trying, she has the most amazing mind and outlook on things, I crave every little part of her body...….which I cant say I can with my wife anymore. I have never been one to believe in soul mates but I feel something so strong towards her that I can put it into words by saying I truly believe I have met my soulmate.

I know she likes me a lot too which makes things even worse.

Why has this happened? Does this make me a dick? Do I go with what feels right? Do I keep my distance from this new chick?

TL;DR. Married, don't find my wife attractive anymore, she asked for divorce out of the blue, we worked on things, marriage back on track to a point, enter a soul mate :crying:

Will try reply as much as I can between my work day.
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Soul mate V2,you mean...at some stage your wife, was your Soul mate...
When in a relationship, most give up plenty of themselves...to accommodate the other person...in the process losing parts of themselves. When meeting someone else/new, that reminds them of their former self/parts that they have given up...they find completion in/...recognition of their former self..that gets equated to completion. That why it is essential to understand who and what you are, and that all your bits, good and kak, constitute you. By what I am reading, your wife is in the same boat...longing for the different version of herself, pre marriage.

New chic, ...the feeling of completion and the euphoria that goes with it, will wear off...and the same cycle will reappear and repeat itself.
 
FlippyCake said:
I know and I took my vows seriously, even though it sounds like I am ready to drop everything for this other woman.

She has noticed the lack of intimacy and I have been honest about her body, told her I appreciate the effort and all credit due she does look amazing, I just don't like woman who are that toned and she has always known this. She understands where I am coming from but keep raising the bar at gym, so much so she has been competing at cross fit events
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Jys gefok.
 
yebocan said:
Soul mate V2,you mean...at some stage your wife, was your Soul mate...
When in a relationship, most give up plenty of themselves...to accommodate the other person...in the process losing parts of themselves. When meeting someone else/new, that reminds them of their former self/parts that they have given up...they find completion in/...recognition of their former self..that gets equated to completion. That why it is essential to understand who and what you are, and that all your bits, good and kak, constitute you. By what I am reading, your wife is in the same boat...longing for the different version of herself, pre marriage.

New chic, ...the feeling of completion and the euphoria that goes with it, will wear off...and the same cycle will reappear and repeat themselves.
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I have never believed in a term such as soul mates, never believed my wife was my soul mate or I hers, but we were great until these drastic changes and her asking for a divorce.
 
ReeceDBN031 said:
WOOOW.. this is a toughy.. the thing is... you did make a decision to marry this chick.. remember woman are very hard to understand and to figure out.. maybe she feels you don't want her the same as you used to? maybe she is doing this for you?

I don't know perhaps there is someone else? check her phone.. best place to start
go into file manager
Whatsapp
sent pics

Maybe there is evidence of someone and your hunch could be correct?
Click to expand...
Oh, when the whole divorce thing was in the air and she had her lawyer ready and estate agents valuing our house, I asked her if there was someone else and she kept denying it, so I said if there is no one else let me look at your phone...…her response "I cant believe it I knew you would do this, so I locked my phone and changed all my passwords"

Now that things are back to normal, her phone is open again....
 
FlippyCake said:
I just don't like woman who are that toned and she has always known this. She understands where I am coming from but keep raising the bar at gym, so much so she has been competing at cross fit events
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You seem to want things your way only. She must not gym or do whatever because it is an annoyance to you... nah bro...
At the end of the day, the both of you will lose yourselves for the mere sake of staying together.
 
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