Money and marriages

[Shah33m]

We make a list with all items to be paid, i will pay some and she will pay the rest...usually she pays for food stuffs, creche, and her accounts. I pay rent, car, ADSL, my accounts, travelling expenses etc

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

Before we got married, I told my wife I'd like her to stay at home and raise our kids.

So, I'm the only one working, and thus pay for (almost) everything. I EFT to her a set amount per month from which the only thing she needs to buy is groceries, the rest she does with as she pleases.

I think the last time I saw my cheque card was last year some time, I don't even have a wallet! Whatever I need is usually bought over the internet and I don't need my card for that.

The only thing I'm hiding from her is that I've recently started saving/investing a large amount of our salary. So there's a slight lack of transparency, but since its not adversely affecting our lifestyle, I don't see it as a problem.

 

[I.am.Sam]

I pay for the house, utilities, insurance (both cars), internet etc
SO pays for the groceries

We take turns in paying for restaurants and replenishing the alcohol supplies.

No shared bank accounts.

exactly like us ...

except we dont drink

 

[Feodora]

I pay for rent / petrol / my accounts (cell phone / dstv)

he pays for food / lights & water and his accounts (his cell phone / ADSL)

if we go out, it depends who has money

we also got a tin with money in it, just in case one of us are short for the month we can take out of that tin so we never have our wallets empty....

 

[Kosmik]

I'm going to add my 2c in here and I've been married now for close on ten years so hopefully it adds weight.

Each marriage is as different as each person and a lot of the ideas posted here are good ones BUT do not be shy or fail to accept if one of you simply can't handle money and by that I mean DEBT. My wife is a terrible person with debt and after a few years I came to relize that she was drowning in personal debt and bailed her out, luckily it was smallish amounts. When the same thing happened three years later, I put my foot down, cancelled all her debt and gave her secondary cards where I have full control. She still has a savings account where she can put any extra money or surprises but she spends on my credit. We have a simple rule, if it's not groceries or something the family needs and its over R300, we discuss it first, even if just a bbm. Since then, we are happy and our finances are doing well. This may be a bit of hard advice to swallow, especially if YOU are the problem but for the sake of your marriage, come to terms with it quickly. Money can wreck a home as fast as an affair and with worst living consequences.

 

[bokdrol]

My mother always used to say "when poverty walks through the front door, love flies out the back"

 

[Pitbull]

I'm going to add my 2c in here and I've been married now for close on ten years so hopefully it adds weight.

Each marriage is as different as each person and a lot of the ideas posted here are good ones BUT do not be shy or fail to accept if one of you simply can't handle money and by that I mean DEBT. My wife is a terrible person with debt and after a few years I came to relize that she was drowning in personal debt and bailed her out, luckily it was smallish amounts. When the same thing happened three years later, I put my foot down, cancelled all her debt and gave her secondary cards where I have full control. She still has a savings account where she can put any extra money or surprises but she spends on my credit. We have a simple rule, if it's not groceries or something the family needs and its over R300, we discuss it first, even if just a bbm. Since then, we are happy and our finances are doing well. This may be a bit of hard advice to swallow, especially if YOU are the problem but for the sake of your marriage, come to terms with it quickly. Money can wreck a home as fast as an affair and with worst living consequences.

This ^^ is the reason my wife runs the finances

We not drowning in debt by a long stretch, but we sure as hell would have if I was running our finances. Me, I love buying shinny things.

 

[I.am.Sam]

This ^^ is the reason my wife runs the finances

We not drowning in debt by a long stretch, but we sure as hell would have if I was running our finances. Me, I love buying shinny things.

impulse buying and a credit card ...lucky i have some sort of control

wife has 100% control on debt and stuff

 

[Pitbull]

impulse buying and a credit card ...lucky i have some sort of control

wife has 100% control on debt and stuff

Hey, don't get me wrong. I won't go and buy myself to death. But I will get myself in a sticky situation very very quickly I can tell you that...

 

[Cius]

The 50/50 thing is very common and I find it very strange. From the start we always considered any income "family" income and stuck it in the family budget. My wife is at home for the kids right now so I am paying all the bills for now besides a small bit she earns on the side but even when we both worked we always shared it. The trick is to make sure there is pocket money in your budget so that each of you have some money that is all your own. We completely trust each other and stick to our budget that we set up together. What helped get here is from the start my wife said she wanted to be at home for her kids like her mom was for her so we never committed her salary to anything. We lived off mine and saved hers for a house deposit so that when kids came along we did not need her income to maintain our lifestyle. That helped a lot.

 

[^^vampire^^]

Before we got married, I told my wife I'd like her to stay at home and raise our kids.

So, I'm the only one working, and thus pay for (almost) everything. I EFT to her a set amount per month from which the only thing she needs to buy is groceries, the rest she does with as she pleases.

I think the last time I saw my cheque card was last year some time, I don't even have a wallet! Whatever I need is usually bought over the internet and I don't need my card for that.

The only thing I'm hiding from her is that I've recently started saving/investing a large amount of our salary. So there's a slight lack of transparency, but since its not adversely affecting our lifestyle, I don't see it as a problem.

Clearly I have the wrong job

 

[Kosmik]

Before we got married, I told my wife I'd like her to stay at home and raise our kids.

So, I'm the only one working, and thus pay for (almost) everything. I EFT to her a set amount per month from which the only thing she needs to buy is groceries, the rest she does with as she pleases.

I think the last time I saw my cheque card was last year some time, I don't even have a wallet! Whatever I need is usually bought over the internet and I don't need my card for that.

The only thing I'm hiding from her is that I've recently started saving/investing a large amount of our salary. So there's a slight lack of transparency, but since its not adversely affecting our lifestyle, I don't see it as a problem.

Just make sure you have something somewhere that says where you have invested money. I know I've got little pockets all over the place but I've made my wife aware of where and what but not necessarily how much. This is so that if something happens, they at least know where to look for the extra money. I have a relative who's done similar but he's squirreled away all his investments and won't tell the wife a thing.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

Just make sure you have something somewhere that says where you have invested money. I know I've got little pockets all over the place but I've made my wife aware of where and what but not necessarily how much. This is so that if something happens, they at least know where to look for the extra money. I have a relative who's done similar but he's squirreled away all his investments and won't tell the wife a thing.

That's a very good point - something which I've actually not even considered yet!

 

[OrbitalDawn]

Before we got married, I told my wife I'd like her to stay at home and raise our kids.

So, I'm the only one working, and thus pay for (almost) everything. I EFT to her a set amount per month from which the only thing she needs to buy is groceries, the rest she does with as she pleases.

I think the last time I saw my cheque card was last year some time, I don't even have a wallet! Whatever I need is usually bought over the internet and I don't need my card for that.

The only thing I'm hiding from her is that I've recently started saving/investing a large amount of our salary. So there's a slight lack of transparency, but since its not adversely affecting our lifestyle, I don't see it as a problem.

Until the kids are what age? Don't want to permanently take her out of the job market...

 

[Pitbull]

Until the kids are what age? Don't want to permanently take her out of the job market...

Why?

I would love if my wife could be home 24/7. No more "I'm tired", "THESE DAMN KIDS! Look at the place" type of issue

 

[Kosmik]

Why?

I would love if my wife could be home 24/7. No more "I'm tired", "THESE DAMN KIDS! Look at the place" type of issue

I've done the same at the moment but my wife is also studying part time while raising the kid ( with another on the way ). She finished a year certification in Early Childhood Development ( basically pre-school type thing ) and the plan is she does half-day once kids are old enough for pre-school.

 

[Alton Turner Blackwood]

Until the kids are what age? Don't want to permanently take her out of the job market...

We've become accustomed to only having one income source, so I honestly don't have a problem with her being a stay at home mother.

I've done the same at the moment but my wife is also studying part time while raising the kid ( with another on the way ). She finished a year certification in Early Childhood Development ( basically pre-school type thing ) and the plan is she does half-day once kids are old enough for pre-school.

Yes. Same in our situation. She's studying part time as well.

There's no better feeling than coming home to a warm, cooked meal.

 

[Shellyb1]

We have a joint account where we each put in R3k per month for groceries and take out and dinner. When that's finished, I generally pay.

Standard expenses we split half way (bond, rates, Eskom, domestic, insurance) and I pay for "luxuries" (Dstv, adsl, Telkom).

I earn more so I pay for kiddos school fees, lift club, extracurriculars,

We each pay our own cars and diesel though.

 

[Sinbad]

Why?

I would love if my wife could be home 24/7. No more "I'm tired", "THESE DAMN KIDS! Look at the place" type of issue

Ja, but it also severely limits her career prospects should she need to work for whatever reason.

Hence the reason I earn 5x more than my wife. She got ****ed over badly by her ex.

 

[SauRoNZA]

True, but I have had 3 bikes in the last 3 years and lost every time on the price paid vs settlement. Which is then loaded on the next one... But very happy with my S1000RR 2012. Wanted to get a 2014 but luckily wife said no, so I'm stuck with the 2012 for now. I need a wife like mine. Man I would have been in a whore house somewhere pissing my money away on crap, was it not for her

Yeah I can imagine you would get shafted on such a quick settlement.

Shorted I've had was three years and longest six years.

New bike is just about a year old now and will at least hit two years before I get serious about another.