Need relationship advice

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HarleyB

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I've created a clone because I want to ask for advice, but juuuust in case the subject comes across the thread I want an extra layer of anonymity ;)

Here's the background: several years ago, a guy and I worked together (yes, I'm female). We were really good friends. He left the company and moved, we kept on chatting via msn into the early hours of the morning. I really liked him, thought he liked me, but nothing ever happened (I suspect just because neither of us was actually brave enough to make the first move; although I could be wrong and maybe we were never going to be more than friends). After a year or so he got engaged and is now married. I haven't really chatted to him since, and though I was over him... But he's now around again, and we're getting together for lunch. And apparently I'm not over him, because my stomach's in a knot over the thought of seeing him again.

Obviously he's happily married, and I can't do anything about that so that's not really the kind of advice I'm asking for. What I need advice on is how to handle it. What do I do? What do I say? How do I not let this revive all those old feelings?
 
go to lunch with him, maybe you find out that are you over him... keep your cool, even if you want him, don't let him see...
 
Look at the ring,as for a photo of her,don't flirt,get it in your head this man has chosen to be closer to this woman than you and you can't dare to change that :)

The butterflies will be there for a long time
I know I myself went to my first love's wedding and it's still there :P
 
HarleyB said:
Here's the background: several years ago, a guy and I worked together (yes, I'm female). We were really good friends. He left the company and moved, we kept on chatting via msn into the early hours of the morning. I really liked him, thought he liked me, but nothing ever happened (I suspect just because neither of us was actually brave enough to make the first move; although I could be wrong and maybe we were never going to be more than friends). After a year or so he got engaged and is now married. I haven't really chatted to him since, and though I was over him... But he's now around again, and we're getting together for lunch. And apparently I'm not over him, because my stomach's in a knot over the thought of seeing him again.

Obviously he's happily married, and I can't do anything about that so that's not really the kind of advice I'm asking for. What I need advice on is how to handle it. What do I do? What do I say? How do I not let this revive all those old feelings?
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1. How do you know he is happily married?

2. If you have a knot in your stomach, you already have those old feelings. Too late NOT to revive it.

He is married, this is not a business related lunch and you have possible feelings for him.

Stay away.
 
That kind of story always ends up one way, go ahead and wreck the marraige and find out for ureself how it endssssss
 
You should go for lunch, just relax while you are with him and don't let your emotions get the better of you for one single second ... I know it's really hard, and easier said than done but perhaps by having lunch with him you'll be able to move past those feelings and be happy for him?
 
Hmm, tricky one. I'd guess that if nothing happened between you before, there's not much risk of anything suddenly happening now that he's married. It sounds like the risk is more to yourself and your feelings than his marriage.

Maybe Kitten and Koeks are right - when you see him face to face again you'll realise there's nothing there any more?
 
Kitten said:
You should go for lunch, just relax while you are with him and don't let your emotions get the better of you for one single second ... I know it's really hard, and easier said than done but perhaps by having lunch with him you'll be able to move past those feelings and be happy for him?
Click to expand...

+1
 
You need to think this through completely, because there are many scenarios which could take place ... You don't want to end up walking away looking like a fool, but at the same time you don't need to walk away with a very sore heart and feelings so strong you don't know what to do.

1. Clear your head completely just before you arrive.
2. Don't drink alcohol at lunch.
3. Act happy :) no matter what.
4. Always remember there is another woman on the other end of this, no matter what he says.
5. If you feel its going south fast, have a good reason to leave early.

Otherwise, enjoy ... you could get a good friend back through this, and you never know ... situation might be reversed, you get there and feel nothing but suddenly he does. Either way, good luck with your decision, its definitely not an easy one.
 
He's married. Move on. Don't complicate stuff. Simple is better.
 
The fact that this dude is married and you have feelings for him is already a no no.
Dont go on lunch with this guy....its not fair to put yourself through this...or his wife for that matter.
 
Oddly enough, I'm inclined to agree with blu and the rest on this one. Rather give it a skip and carry on with your life. What could you possibly gain from this?
 
Actually, what is the reason for the lunch? and do you think HE has other ideas in mind?
 
Tell him that he should invite his wife for lunch, and that you would love to meet her....I think that should scare him off.
 
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