Need relationship advice

Kitten said:
You need to think this through completely, because there are many scenarios which could take place ... You don't want to end up walking away looking like a fool, but at the same time you don't need to walk away with a very sore heart and feelings so strong you don't know what to do.

1. Clear your head completely just before you arrive.
2. Don't drink alcohol at lunch.
3. Act happy :) no matter what.
4. Always remember there is another woman on the other end of this, no matter what he says.
5. If you feel its going south fast, have a good reason to leave early.

Otherwise, enjoy ... you could get a good friend back through this, and you never know ... situation might be reversed, you get there and feel nothing but suddenly he does. Either way, good luck with your decision, its definitely not an easy one.
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Dam unless you are schizo then I was wrong. Thought is was your clone :D
 
Paul_S said:
My advice is not to go to lunch with him for his sake.

I don't go out alone with other women because I'm engaged and I don't want my fiancee to even have the thoughts of "what if". She won't go out alone with her male friends either.
It's just easier that way and avoids questions, doubt, mistrust, nasty gossip, etc.
Can you imagine what is going to go through his wife's mind if she finds out via some grape vine that her hubby is having lunch with other women alone?

Trust is a vital part of a healthy relationship and it's all too easy to ruin even if one is in the clear. So for his sake and for the sake of his wife I'd recommend that you cancel or at the very minimum have someone else attend the lunch with you.
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Good post.
 
If you still have feelings for this guy there is nothing you can do to prevent them resurfacing and it's better for all concerned if you don't follow up on the lunch date.

On the other hand if you do go ahead, you last saw him several years ago and he may have changed to such an extent that you want to vomit when you see him so that would also solve your problem.

Seriously, don't put yourself in a no win situation, it's not worth it.
 
koeks said:
just because he is married does not mean he cannot interact with other people
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Meeting alone with someone one had feelings for, is inviting trouble.

Then again, maybe you have a different concept of respect for your partner than I do.
 
Please don't take this post the wrong way

Do you think that you want to go for this lunch because you were "neglected" by him or want to "patch"things up?
From a scale of 1 - 10 what is your self esteem right now?
From a scale of 1 - 10 what was your self esteem before the invite?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to understand why you would want to go on this lunch with this man.

It seems like this is a scar from the past...let it stay in the past
You deserve happiness, protect yourself against this unnecessary emotional trauma
 
Let me answer a couple of questions that have come up:

Yes, I'm sure he's happily married (as opposed to just married).
No, I don't hope that he has feelings for me. I'm sure he's over me, if he was ever into me in the first place. I'm not worried about damaging his marriage and not interested in seducing him, I just don't know how to handle my own feelings about this.
His wife may well be coming with, in fact I assumed she was. I have met her before and we get on well together (which just makes it worse for me, because I can't hate her!) It's not a business lunch, or a date, just old friends getting together as a once off. I'm not going because I want to patch things up, or feel neglected, and I don't want to get together; I want to go because we were good friends and we had fun together.
 
Then theres absolutely nothing wrong with going, as long as you don't find yourself hurt when you leave ... just keep in mind you had fun together and were good friends! good luck :) hope you have a great time.
 
HarleyB said:
Let me answer a couple of questions that have come up:

Yes, I'm sure he's happily married (as opposed to just married).
No, I don't hope that he has feelings for me. I'm sure he's over me, if he was ever into me in the first place. I'm not worried about damaging his marriage and not interested in seducing him, I just don't know how to handle my own feelings about this.
His wife may well be coming with, in fact I assumed she was. I have met her before and we get on well together (which just makes it worse for me, because I can't hate her!) It's not a business lunch, or a date, just old friends getting together as a once off. I'm not going because I want to patch things up, or feel neglected, and I don't want to get together; I want to go because we were good friends and we had fun together.
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You seem terribly defensive plus you mentioned in your OP that you had feelings for him.

Red flags.
 
Well now that you've cleared things up rather nicely:
The best way to deal with those feelings is to be happy for him and move on and know that one day you will also find the one thats for you and be just as or even happier.

Speaking of moving on, like I said: I am available for PM's!
 
1 - don't go - simple as that!
2 - This clone nick is not really a mystery

:p
 
Maybe, but at least it muddies the waters a bit and stops the casual browser from linking this thread to identifying comments I've made in any other threads.

If you're sure it's no mystery, PM who you think it is and find out if you're right ;)
 
HarleyB said:
Maybe, but at least it muddies the waters a bit and stops the casual browser from linking this thread to identifying comments I've made in any other threads.

If you're sure it's no mystery, PM who you think it is and find out if you're right ;)
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Yeah i kinda see right through ure nic too, simple enough once one analyzes the writing style :) Sad too:(
 
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