No intimacy in relationship

The relationship sounds like it's been over for a while. Either she is cheating on you, or just doesn't have the heart to end it.
 
I hope this is not the case but it does raise the questions why she is always busy on two phones, one is work and one is her own, and keeping things under lock and key [says she doesn't trust the maid and she might be stealing, hence the reason to lock her cupboards and things away]... it has crossed my mind, but I can't believe she would do such a thing. She doesn't come across like that and i;ve known her for many years... :O
 
Pr⊕phet said:
Just some random questions:

Maybe boring routine?

Tried rekindle the spark?

Are you doing things for her?

Is she happy?

Are you doing something that is causing this?

Funny to see how most here would go QUIT at first sign of a speed bump in the road. However not totally unexpected. Nowadays everything must be instant gratification without any work from either party. One should however not be in a relationship that goes nowhere, but that doesn't mean head out at first "issue".

All couples gets to a point where things needs to be re-evaluated. Some earlier than others and this can cause " no sex ", " divorce " or " can't get along " points.

Best is that it is always the girl that is the issue, what if the OP is the issue? No woman is just going to spread and **** to put it blunt. Your partner normally " acts up " when something is amiss. The question is are you smart to see this? or are you smart to work it out?

Just because the sex has dropped doesn't mean it is ZOMG SHE IS CHEATING !!!!!!!!!
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No boring routine as far as i know. Trying to rekindle the spark but its always my effort, I always have to make the move, initiate, get close to her. Things have been stressful the last month with me starting my own business, but like I said, these intimacy issues have been ongoing since we moved in together. We were madly in love for two years and hated being apart, now we are together and we have grown more distanced, going through the motions. Something is clearly wrong either with me or her, but she wont say; communication from her is now minimal and its general everyday: what we doing for supper, lunch, going to gym, shopping...
 
unsure said:
I hope this is not the case but it does raise the questions why she is always busy on two phones, one is work and one is her own, and keeping things under lock and key [says she doesn't trust the maid and she might be stealing, hence the reason to lock her cupboards and things away]... it has crossed my mind, but I can't believe she would do such a thing. She doesn't come across like that and i;ve known her for many years... :O
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Dude. I think that settles it. Most likely the only reason she hasn't broken up with you yet is because you two are staying together and she hasn't found another place to stay yet.
 
unsure said:
. We are financing a place together, so its not like I can just move on overnight.
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Financing a place together after such a short time?

Ok, so the honeymoon is over.

The above bit could be a huge cause of issues, especially if she faces the issue of retrenchment. Major stresser.

Its also very possible she doesnt feel like doing the "setting up home" scenario anymore, and is not sure how to tell you or how to deal with it.
Maybe she feels she has made this commitment out of the initial excitement, and is now wondering how to get out of it, especially if she does not feel the same way towards you.
People grow apart, and there is no time limit on that fact, it can be 1 year, it can be 3 years, it can be 10 years or more.
It happens.

You both need to sit down and discuss those issues without bringing the lack of intimacy into the picture.

Sounds like you both have some hard decisions based on reality to make, before the feelings on either side turn to resentment and hatred.
 
unsure said:
I hope this is not the case but it does raise the questions why she is always busy on two phones, one is work and one is her own, and keeping things under lock and key [says she doesn't trust the maid and she might be stealing, hence the reason to lock her cupboards and things away]... it has crossed my mind, but I can't believe she would do such a thing. She doesn't come across like that and i;ve known her for many years... :O
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My one ex was like that. Difference is she was dependant on me. I started getting suspicious when she started locking her phone and bbming excessively. Hanging out with one if my friends a lot. He said something to me the one day that was supposed to be disarming and I found it very suspicious.

So I watched her over time and figured out her phone pin. And found some she had been cheating on me with one of my friends. Hacked into her fb account, apparently her friends knew too. I was so far beyond hurt.

Well that was the end of that. I took a bat to his car and beat the crap out of him.

She was the sweetest kindest girl I'd ever met, she was sexy and fun. I as madly in love. But what I realized was that you can never truly know someone. She was evil in a self possessed way, the validation she got from two men fueled her self image. I never even thought her capable of it. I was living together with her aswell.
 
Nanfeishen said:
Financing a place together after such a short time?

Ok, so the honeymoon is over.

The above bit could be a huge cause of issues, especially if she faces the issue of retrenchment. Major stresser.

Its also very possible she doesnt feel like doing the "setting up home" scenario anymore, and is not sure how to tell you or how to deal with it.
Maybe she feels she has made this commitment out of the initial excitement, and is now wondering how to get out of it, especially if she does not feel the same way towards you.
People grow apart, and there is no time limit on that fact, it can be 1 year, it can be 3 years, it can be 10 years or more.
It happens.

You both need to sit down and discuss those issues without bringing the lack of intimacy into the picture.

Sounds like you both have some hard decisions based on reality to make, before the feelings on either side turn to resentment and hatred.
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Well said.
 
FYI, you're married already, you just don't know it. At least you don't have kids and you're not legally married so its easier to split.

From what you posted, She's probably cheating on you and is afraid to you leave you because she needs a financial safety net because she might lose her job. Good chick this. Dumb her now.

Is her name Kate? Cos I might be shagging your girl
 
Boris Becker said:
FYI, you're married already, you just don't know it. At least you don't have kids and you're not legally married so its easier to split.

From what you posted, She's probably cheating on you and is afraid to you leave you because she needs a financial safety net because she might lose her job. Good chick this. Dumb her now.

Is her name Kate? Cos I might be shagging your girl
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Kate's are always slutty.
 
If she is getting it elsewhere or is emotionally attracted to someone or something else then she will try avoid intimacy in case you catch out she is distant forcing you to confront the issue.
 
KaladinStormblessed said:
That sounds like she's cheating on you dude.

Get a key logger, put it on her pc. Add an exception on her AV for it. Don't want it popping up. Get her email add, fb login and password.

I know some people are gonna bitch and moan about this, but if she is cheating this is a good way to find out. Trust me if he isn't you don't want her to think that you think she is, she will use that as artillery shells in her emotional warfare.

Its simple, no one gets hurt and if I'm wrong maybe you'll find she has told her friends the reasons why she's acting up. If not jut forget about it and don't invade her privacy further. Maybe troll her account just a little.

PM me if you need help.
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KaladinStormblessed said:
My one ex was like that. Difference is she was dependant on me. I started getting suspicious when she started locking her phone and bbming excessively. Hanging out with one if my friends a lot. He said something to me the one day that was supposed to be disarming and I found it very suspicious.

So I watched her over time and figured out her phone pin. And found some she had been cheating on me with one of my friends. Hacked into her fb account, apparently her friends knew too. I was so far beyond hurt.

Well that was the end of that. I took a bat to his car and beat the crap out of him.

She was the sweetest kindest girl I'd ever met, she was sexy and fun. I as madly in love. But what I realized was that you can never truly know someone. She was evil in a self possessed way, the validation she got from two men fueled her self image. I never even thought her capable of it. I was living together with her aswell.
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There's actually no way you can justify hacking into someone's cellphone or FB account. She probably cheated on you because you're scary and possessive.
 
Nick333 said:
There's actually no way you can justify hacking into someone's cellphone or FB account. She probably cheated on you because you're scary and possessive.
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Actually I'm not, I let her do her own thing. I didn't mind what she did. Its just that circumstances arose that were suspicious.

You tell me what you'd do if your gf had a hicky on her neck she swore was a bruise?

In fact I went that route because I thought maybe I was just being paranoid. And I didn't want to cause waves in our relationship if that was the case.

If anything she used to get annoyed at me not getting jealous. I don't understand woman that way, they push for a reaction and if you stay calm they push further. Then if you get angry or jealous you somehow end up being the bad guy?

I know what I did may seem morally incorrect in your views or others, but honestly that's your problem.
 
unsure said:
Hi forum,

I'm a regular poster on these forums and so have created this new username to post a sensitive question.

I've been in this relationship for almost three years, living together now going on one year. I really love this girl and she seems to love me too. But I have to admit, there must be a problem, as here I am on a Friday night posting this on a forum for some opinions :(

When we first started going out we were both into each other, intimate and sexually. We were happy together. It has decreased over time but only from her side. I always like to hold her but she does not do the same for me. Sex is almost non-existent. Once every 4 - 6 weeks and that is after much convincing... I always seem to initiate or even have to ask directly. Things are stressful at work for both of us, but i'm happy-go-lucky and dont let work get in the way of my relationship. This is more than just simply sex, its also about being intimate: she does not respond but more importantly its always coming from my side. I try to discuss it with her but it is very tense and i get told that she is stressed at the moment and my timing is never great...? I have not cheated on her... yet. But i am feeling hurt, frustrated and that I am wasting time with someone who can't reciprocate the feelings or sexual needs.. It started off great in the beginning, sex-wise, I couldn't keep up with her libido but now its the total opposite. What happened to her being attracted to me? I love her and am trying to make this work but something has died in the last year. I'm 28 and she is 26. I am feeling I should end it, but how and after three years and sharing a house.... or take a break?...

anyone in or been in a similar situation?

sigh....
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been there, dont that.
Problem in bedroom = problem in relationship.
Is she messing around? Would you even know?

Kick it to the curb, women think that once they are secure, the sex can stop. They have their needs fulfilled and now they only have to put out when THEY feel the need.
I am not saying all women are like this but most are.

Remember a woman will not let you have her sexually if you are not fulfilling her emotional and mental needs....oh and financial ;)
 
Its rather pathetic breaking into someone's PERSONAL environment - no wonder she was cheating. I would leave someone on the spot if I discovered they tried something like that on me. (guilty or not)
 
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