No intimacy in relationship

Korn1 said:
I don't know hey,take her on a nice night out and then ask her what is wrong. It could just be stress and other things and not you.
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Good idea really. Romance her a bit. If she doesn't respond well you know you have a serious problem.
 
Nick333 said:
Well, if that's true, OP has a serious problem.
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Would still give it one last shot with what Korn1 said....just for own peace of mind that he tried. I doubt anything good will come from it.

With what the OP said about her, it sounds way more than just stress related issues.
 
KaladinStormblessed said:
My one ex was like that. Difference is she was dependant on me. I started getting suspicious when she started locking her phone and bbming excessively. Hanging out with one if my friends a lot. He said something to me the one day that was supposed to be disarming and I found it very suspicious.

So I watched her over time and figured out her phone pin. And found some she had been cheating on me with one of my friends. Hacked into her fb account, apparently her friends knew too. I was so far beyond hurt.

Well that was the end of that. I took a bat to his car and beat the crap out of him.

She was the sweetest kindest girl I'd ever met, she was sexy and fun. I as madly in love. But what I realized was that you can never truly know someone. She was evil in a self possessed way, the validation she got from two men fueled her self image. I never even thought her capable of it. I was living together with her aswell.
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good on you dude. i mean i used to condone cheating coz i always expect the person being cheated on is a dumb**** but i forget that people put everything into a relationship and peopel take it for granted. i was cheated on too and i realsie i made mistakes, but some guys try their luck and need to be put in their place.

i'm assuming he knew that she had a bf i hope at least? he may have been a victim too
 
KaladinStormblessed said:
My one ex was like that. Difference is she was dependant on me. I started getting suspicious when she started locking her phone and bbming excessively. Hanging out with one if my friends a lot. He said something to me the one day that was supposed to be disarming and I found it very suspicious.

So I watched her over time and figured out her phone pin. And found some she had been cheating on me with one of my friends. Hacked into her fb account, apparently her friends knew too. I was so far beyond hurt.

Well that was the end of that. I took a bat to his car and beat the crap out of him.

She was the sweetest kindest girl I'd ever met, she was sexy and fun. I as madly in love. But what I realized was that you can never truly know someone. She was evil in a self possessed way, the validation she got from two men fueled her self image. I never even thought her capable of it. I was living together with her aswell.
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Ouch ...

I had something similar and it kills you knowing everyone knows, but you ...

Bolded part sounds exactly the same
 
Dolby said:
Ouch ...

I had something similar and it kills you knowing everyone knows, but you ...

Bolded part sounds exactly the same
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me too, that is how i know it hurts. cept i didn't beat any one up :p
 
And, here lies the danger in investing so much of your self-esteem in your relationship.
 
Nick333 said:
And, here lies the danger in investing so much of your self-esteem in your relationship.
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Yea - but then by not wanting to invest to protect yourself, you'd also be damaging the relationship or potential relationship.

I'm extremely distrustful of girls now which is damaging.
 
Dolby said:
Yea - but then by not wanting to invest to protect yourself, you'd also be damaging the relationship or potential relationship.

I'm extremely distrustful of girls now which is damaging.
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couldnt agree more. it takes a long time to learn to let the guard right down... and you HAVE to do that if you want a real relationship again. Any relationship that isnt based on trust is a complete waste of time.
 
smalltownsky said:
good on you dude. i mean i used to condone cheating coz i always expect the person being cheated on is a dumb**** but i forget that people put everything into a relationship and peopel take it for granted. i was cheated on too and i realsie i made mistakes, but some guys try their luck and need to be put in their place.

i'm assuming he knew that she had a bf i hope at least? he may have been a victim too
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Nope he knew, he was one of my friends. It really sucked. And yeah I've been that guy too, I mean not any of my friends' girls, but girls who have bfs. Stopped doing that now seeing as I understand it finally. I used to justify it by saying hey if it wasn't me it would be someone else. Pretty crappy logic.

Dolby said:
Ouch ...

I had something similar and it kills you knowing everyone knows, but you ...

Bolded part sounds exactly the same
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I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But its just that you just don't see it coming.

Dolby said:
Yea - but then by not wanting to invest to protect yourself, you'd also be damaging the relationship or potential relationship.

I'm extremely distrustful of girls now which is damaging.
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I have this same problem now, I don't trust girls anymore.
Also I went on holiday with a bunch of people and out of the 8 girls, every single one of them cheated. So yeah kind of makes it hard to trust women.

And @Nick its more that you love someone, that requires you to care and to make yourself vulnerable to these things.

I wouldn't stop putting myself out there just because some people have hurt me.
 
Dolby said:
I had something similar and it kills you knowing everyone knows, but you ...
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Somehow you are always the last to know.

Recall us sitting in the pub laughing at these two okes having beers, the one was shagging the other ones wife. To this day he still does not know while everybody in town knows about it. Feel sorry for the dude and at times I feel like walking up to people and saying do you know .... but i'ts none of my business. Me and my mates have a agreement that if this schite ever happens to any of us we will speak up. I would rather be told by someone than not know.
 
ClintX said:
A time limit? Are you 10?

Relationships have their ups and downs (sorry about that OP) and this may just be a down. Or she is getting it elsewhere. Or you just don't do it for her any more. Or she just isn't into sex as much at the moment, women tend to have these moments.
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Great advice and i'm glad you responded on that idiotic quote... "time limit" wtf??

Anyway, I agree. Maybe there is something bothering her and she might not know how to communicate it through to you. Communication is THE most important key in a relationship. Talk to her before you make your final decision.
 
So, reading all 5pgs seems quite painful (especially when everyone is saying cheating, leave etc etc), but here's my contribution from the other side of the fence:

When I first started dating my SO we were on fire in the bedroom. Thing were awesome and I was head over heels over head in love with him, his body and our life. We moved in together and life was awesome. Then things got intense for me at work and I would come home absolutely wiped at the end of every day. Being so on edge made me mentally nitpick every single little fault of my SO. as a result sex and intimacy dropped to zero. Eventually it got to a point where weekends were spent with him in front of the Xbox in the lounge and me watching movies in the bedroom (European winters are not built for many outings outside the warmth of your flat). Things eventually culminated to a point where he felt so isolated that he cheated on me and I left him. The sad thing was that our lack of intimacy wasn't because of infidelity at the start but because of a lack of effective communication.

She might not be cheating, but that doesn't mean she isn't unhappy about/with something. DONT cheat on her. It's a heartbreaking thing to do. Talk to her, give it a chance, throw in a few gallant gestures (something out of character and classically cheesy romantic - girly surprises are always a win) and hope that she sees and feels your efforts.

If she still loves you, she'll warm up again.

Things can get better from here. They have for me and my ex ex (we got back together :p ), and I don't see why it can't for you guys.

Good luck!
 
Its a hard topic because its also something my wife and I are going through.

Just so you know... it happens to a lot of people. When we sit down and talk about it, somehow it seems less bad.
Also when yo u hear from your friends how its happening to them as well then you realise that there is nothing wrong with you, its the situation.

As mentioned before, communication is key. Also subtlety... don't sit her down and interrogate her on why she wont have sex with you. Ask her whats happening in her life? whats going on in her head?
Intimacy is more than sex, in truth its a lot more than sex. I have been with my wife for 4 years and dated before that for 4 years and I still struggle to be really intimate with her, im still learning.

We still don't have sex that often but when we do its very special...she has started initiating again and puts in the effort. It doesn't feel like im guilting her in to doing it. We both have stressful lives and often just need out space when we know enough to understand this we are truly intimate.
 
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